AWCS' Reality Is Optional
Winter E-Zine
HAPPY NEW LORSHAX!
Every December we name the year to prevent any future apocalypses (because who's heard of an apocalypse happening in Greg or Martha?). This year the name is Lorshax (an amalgamation of Shax and Lorax because the kids liked both names). So enjoy this funky, nature loving, Earth saving year. May it be your best year yet!
Visit our sister website
by the AWCS Young Journalist Program
Podcasts, video game reviews, opinions, articles, and more!
www.zednewsyyc.weebly.com
By Lina Kat
Questions I’d Like to ask a Banana
by Zed News YYC
- Do you like being yellow?
- How do you feel about Minions?
- What was it like being taken from your family?
- How do you feel about being scented for Mr. Sketch markers?
- Are you proud of your banana heritage?
- When was the last time you had hair?
- How do you feel about sharing DNA with humans?
- How do you draw with no hands and how do walk without legs?
- How do you feel about being used as a pretend phone?
By Aleah Rathwell
Picture by Kim Firmston
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picture from www.zednewsyyc.weebly.com
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Reflections on the Climate Strike by Jane Zhi
I am fourteen years old. Fourteen out of fourteen years that I have been alive for, humanity has been moving towards self-destruction because we have been doing nothing. I am here today to ask you to do something. Because if we don’t, we won’t have another fourteen years.
Since I was a kid, I’d always been worried about climate change. I turned off the lights, the taps, tried not to use too many sheets of paper, all of that stuff. But no one told me just how bad it was.
Fast forward to the last couple of years. I was more informed about all the science and most of all. I was seeing the effects of climate change. If people in Calgary are dying of heat strokes. What about sub-Saharan Africa? India? If we are experiencing unusual rainfall, what about the people living by the coast? Victims of flood in Quebec? New Brunswick? New York? Miami? If we are walking into national parks and seeing exhibits about melting glaciers, what about people in arctic communities seeing their communities and livelihoods destroyed by melting ice?
I didn’t have a word for it yet, but I was dealing with eco-anxiety. I wanted to act, to do something. I did not want to feel like I was one of the people who stood by, did nothing, and let all this happen. I wrote articles. I volunteered with green organizers. I talked about it at any chance I could. And I knew it wasn’t enough.
We shouldn’t just be talking anymore. We know climate change is real. We know its effects. We know it is going to impact already disadvantaged people the most. We know it is happening, and it is happening fast, right here and right now. We know we have to act, and we don’t have much time to do so. A conversation is supposed to start action and change, and it is beyond time we move past the conversation.
And that’s when I came across the Fridays for Future movement. As and individual, just a regular citizen, a youth, there is not much I can do just by myself. This movement gave me the opportunity to join a collective of people, calling for action from people who are powerful enough to actually do something. And truly I admire Great Thunberg for being an individual and inspiring a collective of equally passionate people.
Sometimes, I become a bit disillusioned with what we do. Are we really making a difference? But then I come here and I see everyone’s enthusiasm, people who truly believe in something. I was tired of feeling helpless, and striking to me meant taking whatever control we can in this situation. When I talk to adults, they always say what impressed them the most is our passion, and that we are more powerful than we think. I just hope that our passion is enough to change something. No matter what the outcome may be, at least we were not bystanders. It wasn’t us that let it happened.
Since I was a kid, I’d always been worried about climate change. I turned off the lights, the taps, tried not to use too many sheets of paper, all of that stuff. But no one told me just how bad it was.
Fast forward to the last couple of years. I was more informed about all the science and most of all. I was seeing the effects of climate change. If people in Calgary are dying of heat strokes. What about sub-Saharan Africa? India? If we are experiencing unusual rainfall, what about the people living by the coast? Victims of flood in Quebec? New Brunswick? New York? Miami? If we are walking into national parks and seeing exhibits about melting glaciers, what about people in arctic communities seeing their communities and livelihoods destroyed by melting ice?
I didn’t have a word for it yet, but I was dealing with eco-anxiety. I wanted to act, to do something. I did not want to feel like I was one of the people who stood by, did nothing, and let all this happen. I wrote articles. I volunteered with green organizers. I talked about it at any chance I could. And I knew it wasn’t enough.
We shouldn’t just be talking anymore. We know climate change is real. We know its effects. We know it is going to impact already disadvantaged people the most. We know it is happening, and it is happening fast, right here and right now. We know we have to act, and we don’t have much time to do so. A conversation is supposed to start action and change, and it is beyond time we move past the conversation.
And that’s when I came across the Fridays for Future movement. As and individual, just a regular citizen, a youth, there is not much I can do just by myself. This movement gave me the opportunity to join a collective of people, calling for action from people who are powerful enough to actually do something. And truly I admire Great Thunberg for being an individual and inspiring a collective of equally passionate people.
Sometimes, I become a bit disillusioned with what we do. Are we really making a difference? But then I come here and I see everyone’s enthusiasm, people who truly believe in something. I was tired of feeling helpless, and striking to me meant taking whatever control we can in this situation. When I talk to adults, they always say what impressed them the most is our passion, and that we are more powerful than we think. I just hope that our passion is enough to change something. No matter what the outcome may be, at least we were not bystanders. It wasn’t us that let it happened.
Picture by Kim FIrmston
Picture by Kim Firmston
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picture from www.zednewsyyc.weebly.com
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Climate Action by Priya Mingeault
Hi everyone! My name is Priya Migneault. I live in Calgary, I am a Grade 10 student and I’m an environmental and social justice activist. I started and run Earth Guardians YYC, which is a branch of the global nonprofit Earth Guardians. We’re a youth-led group that works to inspire and engage youth in environmental projects that directly benefit our communities. There are over 264 Earth Guardian crews worldwide, in 54 countries; Earth Guardians YYC is the first crew in Alberta.
Right now, our crew is working to build a giant wild rose art piece that will be made out of litter we find and collect in city parks and waterways. Earth Guardians YYC received the Jack Leslie youth environmental award this year from the City of Calgary in recognition of this project. At the end of this project our goal is to have this installed as a city art piece in one of our beautiful local parks. This is one example of what creative ideas come from Earth Guardians YYC.
I am here attending these strikes because I want my sisters and cousins to live full and happy lives and I want to live a life where I don’t have to fear if my future will even exist. Many people I know can’t sleep at night because they are paralyzed by fear that they will wake up tomorrow and won’t have a planet to call home. When we are facing a problem this large it is normal to be fearful and it is normal to be angry, but we must realize we can’t achieve solutions in the doom and gloom mindset and we must work together to create real change.
People need to realize that the climate crisis is not in some far off dystopian future, it is here now. It doesn’t matter what political party you’re for. Climate change is an issue affecting all of us and the entire planets systems. This isn’t a political debate. It’s real and it’s an emergency that requires everyone’s attention and involvement.
I am an activist because I used to wonder why I didn’t see people doing anything to combat social justice and environmental issues and then I realized I am someone. I am someone who may not be able to vote or hold a place in parliament yet, but I am someone with a voice and I care about people and our planet.
I am also an activist because I want to see some real change in the world and it wasn’t happening with me sitting on the couch binge watching Avengers for the 50th time (I know because I tried that). Change happens when you are out in the world, participating and trying to make things better. Being an activist is scary because you have to have the guts to step out of your comfort zone and the social norm, and you will be scared at first. You might even have people including family, friends, and peers put you down because of it but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth it.
Ghandi once said: “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” I believe this to be true. If you think something or say something in regards to activism BUT don’t do anything about it you will not feel happy; it will not bring harmony to your life. One must be engaged through action to achieve true harmony. We will not see any resolutions to our climate crisis if we are not engaged. For me being an activist is rewarding in so many ways: you meet like-minded individuals, create physical change in your life or someone else’s, and it gives you a sense of belonging and purpose.
I know many of you want to be more involved in a team environment and I know we are all short on time. But when many of us work together the projects are not so difficult and they are very rewarding. I urge you to reach out to Earth Guardians YYC and to attend a meeting. You can find us on Instagram and on Facebook.
Through these Fridays For Futures strikes I hope adults begin to realize that being a young environmentalist is not a fad or a trend. We’re doing this because we want you to realize that we do care about what happens to our futures and our planet. I want politicians to realize that we as the people have the power and what we want is an actual plan to combat climate change and protect our futures, but with that plan we need action! I want all of us to transition our way to more renewable resources and more innovative solutions to mitigate the effects of the climate crisis. More than anything I want everyone who attends these strikes to feel like they can make a difference in the world. Thank you so much for listening. So what do we want? CLIMATE ACTION! When do we want it? NOW!
Right now, our crew is working to build a giant wild rose art piece that will be made out of litter we find and collect in city parks and waterways. Earth Guardians YYC received the Jack Leslie youth environmental award this year from the City of Calgary in recognition of this project. At the end of this project our goal is to have this installed as a city art piece in one of our beautiful local parks. This is one example of what creative ideas come from Earth Guardians YYC.
I am here attending these strikes because I want my sisters and cousins to live full and happy lives and I want to live a life where I don’t have to fear if my future will even exist. Many people I know can’t sleep at night because they are paralyzed by fear that they will wake up tomorrow and won’t have a planet to call home. When we are facing a problem this large it is normal to be fearful and it is normal to be angry, but we must realize we can’t achieve solutions in the doom and gloom mindset and we must work together to create real change.
People need to realize that the climate crisis is not in some far off dystopian future, it is here now. It doesn’t matter what political party you’re for. Climate change is an issue affecting all of us and the entire planets systems. This isn’t a political debate. It’s real and it’s an emergency that requires everyone’s attention and involvement.
I am an activist because I used to wonder why I didn’t see people doing anything to combat social justice and environmental issues and then I realized I am someone. I am someone who may not be able to vote or hold a place in parliament yet, but I am someone with a voice and I care about people and our planet.
I am also an activist because I want to see some real change in the world and it wasn’t happening with me sitting on the couch binge watching Avengers for the 50th time (I know because I tried that). Change happens when you are out in the world, participating and trying to make things better. Being an activist is scary because you have to have the guts to step out of your comfort zone and the social norm, and you will be scared at first. You might even have people including family, friends, and peers put you down because of it but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth it.
Ghandi once said: “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” I believe this to be true. If you think something or say something in regards to activism BUT don’t do anything about it you will not feel happy; it will not bring harmony to your life. One must be engaged through action to achieve true harmony. We will not see any resolutions to our climate crisis if we are not engaged. For me being an activist is rewarding in so many ways: you meet like-minded individuals, create physical change in your life or someone else’s, and it gives you a sense of belonging and purpose.
I know many of you want to be more involved in a team environment and I know we are all short on time. But when many of us work together the projects are not so difficult and they are very rewarding. I urge you to reach out to Earth Guardians YYC and to attend a meeting. You can find us on Instagram and on Facebook.
Through these Fridays For Futures strikes I hope adults begin to realize that being a young environmentalist is not a fad or a trend. We’re doing this because we want you to realize that we do care about what happens to our futures and our planet. I want politicians to realize that we as the people have the power and what we want is an actual plan to combat climate change and protect our futures, but with that plan we need action! I want all of us to transition our way to more renewable resources and more innovative solutions to mitigate the effects of the climate crisis. More than anything I want everyone who attends these strikes to feel like they can make a difference in the world. Thank you so much for listening. So what do we want? CLIMATE ACTION! When do we want it? NOW!
ROBOT HAND SHAKE by Tomas Moritz-Friezen
A Party
by the Novelmancers
MX (in American Sign Language): Hi! I'm MX. Who are?
Zey: Oh wow! You have a lot of arms!
MX: Oh, yeah. And legs too! But no face...
Zey: I see that. Hmm, did you draw that smile on your body? It's nice!
MX: Hmm! I was hoping it would help me make friends, but I don't think it's working too well...
Zey: Yeah, people can be stupid with things they don't understand. Don't worry about it too much. Did you come to the party with anyone?
MX: Yeah! I'm here with my friend Screams. But he doesn't seem to be having much fun.
AN ELONGATED HEAD WITH SPIDER LEGS IS DEVOUING MOST OF THE SNACKS AND SCREAMING AT ANYONE WHO COMES TOO CLOSE.
Zey: Well, he seems to be enjoying the snack table - I guess the catering is good. Do you happen to know who's hosting the party? I wanted to thank them for the invite.
MX: I'm sorry. I don't know... But Screams might!
MX GOES OVER AND ASKS SCREAMS
MX: She said it was someone by the name of Soyer.
Zey: Any idea what this Soyer looks like? I thought it might be that black haired dude.
MX: Hmmm... yeah! I don't know what he looks like, but that seems right.
Zey: Want to come with me and introduce ourselves.
MX: Sure!
Zey: Great, they'll have their hands full with you, hahaha... you're so cool.
MX: So are you!
Zey: Oh wow! You have a lot of arms!
MX: Oh, yeah. And legs too! But no face...
Zey: I see that. Hmm, did you draw that smile on your body? It's nice!
MX: Hmm! I was hoping it would help me make friends, but I don't think it's working too well...
Zey: Yeah, people can be stupid with things they don't understand. Don't worry about it too much. Did you come to the party with anyone?
MX: Yeah! I'm here with my friend Screams. But he doesn't seem to be having much fun.
AN ELONGATED HEAD WITH SPIDER LEGS IS DEVOUING MOST OF THE SNACKS AND SCREAMING AT ANYONE WHO COMES TOO CLOSE.
Zey: Well, he seems to be enjoying the snack table - I guess the catering is good. Do you happen to know who's hosting the party? I wanted to thank them for the invite.
MX: I'm sorry. I don't know... But Screams might!
MX GOES OVER AND ASKS SCREAMS
MX: She said it was someone by the name of Soyer.
Zey: Any idea what this Soyer looks like? I thought it might be that black haired dude.
MX: Hmmm... yeah! I don't know what he looks like, but that seems right.
Zey: Want to come with me and introduce ourselves.
MX: Sure!
Zey: Great, they'll have their hands full with you, hahaha... you're so cool.
MX: So are you!
Erynn: It won't be much longer now...
Void: Who are you talking to?
Erynn: myself
Void: Understandable, there's nobody else here worthy of talking to anyway.
Erynn: A man after my own heart. What's your name?
Void: My name is Void, and you?
Erynn: Erynn Thorn
Void: I'm charmed. Now, what won't take much longer, if you don't mind me asking.
Erynn: Oh just some business I came here to attempt.
Void: What kind of business? *Takes a sip from his glass. Stumbles into a wall.*
Erynn: Important business... What are you doing?
Void: *Drops cup drunkly* Nothing...
Erynn: Uh huh.
Void: I just wanna get to know another intellectual like myself. It's not like Mina is one.
Erynn: Hard to have an intellectual conversation while drunk.
Void: Wait... am I... Oh crap I am. Sorry. This girl, she stresses me out so much, in fact, EVERYTHING is stressful right now.
Erynn: *Pats Void's shoulder* There there.
Void: *Trying to hold back tears* Everything is hard. If I could just leave and get rid of Mina tonight.
Erynn: Get rid of? How?
Void: Well, I could kill her... She knows too much! Maybe just leave... that would be nice.
Erynn: Is she a stalker-type by chance?
Void: No. She's my boss! Not a good one I would say... You should go now, do your business I will just... leave. *Wanders over towards the bar*
Erynn: *Walks the other way because she doesn't want to deal with this.*
Void: Who are you talking to?
Erynn: myself
Void: Understandable, there's nobody else here worthy of talking to anyway.
Erynn: A man after my own heart. What's your name?
Void: My name is Void, and you?
Erynn: Erynn Thorn
Void: I'm charmed. Now, what won't take much longer, if you don't mind me asking.
Erynn: Oh just some business I came here to attempt.
Void: What kind of business? *Takes a sip from his glass. Stumbles into a wall.*
Erynn: Important business... What are you doing?
Void: *Drops cup drunkly* Nothing...
Erynn: Uh huh.
Void: I just wanna get to know another intellectual like myself. It's not like Mina is one.
Erynn: Hard to have an intellectual conversation while drunk.
Void: Wait... am I... Oh crap I am. Sorry. This girl, she stresses me out so much, in fact, EVERYTHING is stressful right now.
Erynn: *Pats Void's shoulder* There there.
Void: *Trying to hold back tears* Everything is hard. If I could just leave and get rid of Mina tonight.
Erynn: Get rid of? How?
Void: Well, I could kill her... She knows too much! Maybe just leave... that would be nice.
Erynn: Is she a stalker-type by chance?
Void: No. She's my boss! Not a good one I would say... You should go now, do your business I will just... leave. *Wanders over towards the bar*
Erynn: *Walks the other way because she doesn't want to deal with this.*
Zey: Hi, umm, do you know who's hosting this party? I didn't see it on the invite.
Forrest: Unfortunately I accompany my liege to so many of these, they tend to blur together. Although, I wouldn't be shocked to find some lofty noble responsible. This place is... opulent, to say the least.
Zey: Yeah, I get that. My mom has dragged me to more of these things than I can count. *Looks around.* I wonder if it's that blonde one over there.
Forrest: Ah, no. She's most certainly not.
Zey: Oh yeah? How do you know? She looks snooty enough.
Forrest: I would appreciate you refraining from insulting Aegus' Crown Princess, milady.
Zey: Oh! I'm so sorry. It's been a long day. the people I've had to deal with lately is making everyone look grim. So, so what's it like working for Aegis' Crown Princess?
Forrest: More hassle than one should anticipate from a "proper lady", to say the least. She means well, however.
Zey: Don't they all... Hey- that guy in the black robe. Do you think it`s him?
Forrest: Hm, I don't recall seeing him comein.. Do you have any idea who he could be?
Zey: I'm not sure but I do't like the way he's watching the room. Might be they guy.
Forrest: Heh, seems like the same thing you're doing.
Zey: Very funny. Like I said, I just want to thank the host for the invite. I was taught to be polite.
Forrest: With that tone, you don't seem particularly grateful. Let me guess - Madame Edith's Law of Manners for a Young Lady, tenth edition?
Zey: Eleventh... but yeah... And shut up.
Forrest: Unfortunately I accompany my liege to so many of these, they tend to blur together. Although, I wouldn't be shocked to find some lofty noble responsible. This place is... opulent, to say the least.
Zey: Yeah, I get that. My mom has dragged me to more of these things than I can count. *Looks around.* I wonder if it's that blonde one over there.
Forrest: Ah, no. She's most certainly not.
Zey: Oh yeah? How do you know? She looks snooty enough.
Forrest: I would appreciate you refraining from insulting Aegus' Crown Princess, milady.
Zey: Oh! I'm so sorry. It's been a long day. the people I've had to deal with lately is making everyone look grim. So, so what's it like working for Aegis' Crown Princess?
Forrest: More hassle than one should anticipate from a "proper lady", to say the least. She means well, however.
Zey: Don't they all... Hey- that guy in the black robe. Do you think it`s him?
Forrest: Hm, I don't recall seeing him comein.. Do you have any idea who he could be?
Zey: I'm not sure but I do't like the way he's watching the room. Might be they guy.
Forrest: Heh, seems like the same thing you're doing.
Zey: Very funny. Like I said, I just want to thank the host for the invite. I was taught to be polite.
Forrest: With that tone, you don't seem particularly grateful. Let me guess - Madame Edith's Law of Manners for a Young Lady, tenth edition?
Zey: Eleventh... but yeah... And shut up.
Forrest: *sigh* These events are so.... unnecessary.
Void: Agreed, all it is is mortals killing themselves with whatever liquid they can find. It's not like I wouldn't d the same but...
Forrest: I simply hope no one causes any trouble. I grow tired of quelling useless arguments.
Void: With people like this, I doubt it. I wonder why Mina brought me here anyway.
Forrest: Generally speaking, when a lady forces one out to a party, she wants something from you.
Void: Oh, I know. What does your lady want out of you, then?
Forrest: I'll have you know I'm here on business! I don't enjoy wasting my time at parties, yet necessity demands.
Void: That sounds better than being with Mina. Could I tag along?
Forrest: Didn't I just make it clear I don't enjoy - Hey! Where do you think you're dragging me off to - !
Void: Agreed, all it is is mortals killing themselves with whatever liquid they can find. It's not like I wouldn't d the same but...
Forrest: I simply hope no one causes any trouble. I grow tired of quelling useless arguments.
Void: With people like this, I doubt it. I wonder why Mina brought me here anyway.
Forrest: Generally speaking, when a lady forces one out to a party, she wants something from you.
Void: Oh, I know. What does your lady want out of you, then?
Forrest: I'll have you know I'm here on business! I don't enjoy wasting my time at parties, yet necessity demands.
Void: That sounds better than being with Mina. Could I tag along?
Forrest: Didn't I just make it clear I don't enjoy - Hey! Where do you think you're dragging me off to - !
MX: *in ASL* Hi! Are you having fun? What's your name?
Erynn: I'm sorry. I don't understand.
MX: *Grabs paper and pen* Are you having fun?
Erynn: "Fun" is subjective. I'm here on business. You?
MX: Oh, I'm just here for fun, friends, and food!
Erynn: A worthy endeavor.
MX: Are you here with anyone?
Erynn: Some friends.
MX: What are they like?
Erynn: Some crazy, some chaotic, all loyal.
Forrest: *Very clearly agitated. Straightening his rumpled suit.* Loyalty certainly is a virtue. Have you by any chance seen a young girl with blonde hair?
Erynn: *Holds out a blonde braid* There's some blonde hair here.
Forrest: Err, well - the one I'm looking for has a penchant for wandering off and getting - sticky fingers - especially when forced with undeserved wealth. I'm simply damage control at this point.
Erynn: I'll keep an eye out.
MX: Me too!
Forrest: *Leaves through the crowd*
Erynn: I'm sorry. I don't understand.
MX: *Grabs paper and pen* Are you having fun?
Erynn: "Fun" is subjective. I'm here on business. You?
MX: Oh, I'm just here for fun, friends, and food!
Erynn: A worthy endeavor.
MX: Are you here with anyone?
Erynn: Some friends.
MX: What are they like?
Erynn: Some crazy, some chaotic, all loyal.
Forrest: *Very clearly agitated. Straightening his rumpled suit.* Loyalty certainly is a virtue. Have you by any chance seen a young girl with blonde hair?
Erynn: *Holds out a blonde braid* There's some blonde hair here.
Forrest: Err, well - the one I'm looking for has a penchant for wandering off and getting - sticky fingers - especially when forced with undeserved wealth. I'm simply damage control at this point.
Erynn: I'll keep an eye out.
MX: Me too!
Forrest: *Leaves through the crowd*
Erynn: Care to dance?
MX: *Starry eyed* I'd love to!
Erynn: *Holds out hand* Shall we?
MX: *Takes hand with on of many hands* Of course.
Erynn: You are quite unique. I've never seen anyone like you before.
MX: Aww! You're sweet! Me and my friends are all quite different.
Erynn: I don't mind different.
MX: That's probably the nicest thing a person has said to me.
Erynn: I'm different too, so I understand.
MX: Really? How are you different? If you don't mind me asking.
Erynn: I'm a half breed, imperfect, you know.
MX: Imperfect? I don't see how you're imperfect. You seem realy nice and... well... perfect to me.
Erynn: Why, thank you.
MX: No problem!
MX: *Starry eyed* I'd love to!
Erynn: *Holds out hand* Shall we?
MX: *Takes hand with on of many hands* Of course.
Erynn: You are quite unique. I've never seen anyone like you before.
MX: Aww! You're sweet! Me and my friends are all quite different.
Erynn: I don't mind different.
MX: That's probably the nicest thing a person has said to me.
Erynn: I'm different too, so I understand.
MX: Really? How are you different? If you don't mind me asking.
Erynn: I'm a half breed, imperfect, you know.
MX: Imperfect? I don't see how you're imperfect. You seem realy nice and... well... perfect to me.
Erynn: Why, thank you.
MX: No problem!
Void: *Wobbling over. Eyes darting as if looking out for someone* Hey! Can you stand behind me please? Thanks!
Erynn: *Smirks* Care to tell me why?
Void: I need to hid from someone now. Please.
Erynn: Then why not have me stand in front of you?
Void: Good idea!
Erynn: *moves so she is in front of Void* So, why do you need to hide?
Void: The girl who brought me here, Mina, she's a scoundrel in every way! *Sigh* I could use some blood right now.
Erynn: Blood?
Void: Um... Never mind... he, he, he ... so ummm... why are you here?
Erynn: Looking for a friend.
Void: You wouldn't mind if I joined you would you? I really need to avoid her, he, he...
Zey: Can I join you too? I'm trying to find someone as well.
Erynn: Sure join the party. You are?
Zey: Zey, lover of social gatherings. *Rolls eyes*
Erynn: *Laughs* I feel you there.
Zey: I'm trying to figure out who's hosting this shindig. No one seems to know - odd that.
Erynn: Perhaps they're all lying.
Zey: *Stares* Crap... it's a trap!
Erynn: *Smirks* Care to tell me why?
Void: I need to hid from someone now. Please.
Erynn: Then why not have me stand in front of you?
Void: Good idea!
Erynn: *moves so she is in front of Void* So, why do you need to hide?
Void: The girl who brought me here, Mina, she's a scoundrel in every way! *Sigh* I could use some blood right now.
Erynn: Blood?
Void: Um... Never mind... he, he, he ... so ummm... why are you here?
Erynn: Looking for a friend.
Void: You wouldn't mind if I joined you would you? I really need to avoid her, he, he...
Zey: Can I join you too? I'm trying to find someone as well.
Erynn: Sure join the party. You are?
Zey: Zey, lover of social gatherings. *Rolls eyes*
Erynn: *Laughs* I feel you there.
Zey: I'm trying to figure out who's hosting this shindig. No one seems to know - odd that.
Erynn: Perhaps they're all lying.
Zey: *Stares* Crap... it's a trap!
TRUE LOVE by The Dark Lord
by Pen & Panel
The Ring by Peter Katsnelson
- A story inspired by The Magician’s Nephew (by C.S. Lewis)
Mason lived in the house of his dead parents, alone. Although he was only thirteen, he was qualified to take good care of himself. He woke up everyday with no clothes, even his underpants, and take a sharp shower instantly, as he could not afford heated water. He would eat a loaf of bread, which smelled so stale and senseless that he would figure it was in this environment for longer than the farmer who had made it. in an old uniform from the school is parents went to, and set off. One day, today, was special. He was getting paid for running Mr. Charles’ business for a day. Mr. Charles was not going to pay him a cent, but he was going to keep the money buyers gave him. Mr. Chjarles owned a local cupcake shop, and it was always very busy. Mason had never seen the shop, but he had heard of it throughout the entire town, as the cupcakes were so delicious everybody knew about them.
When Mason arrived at the building, he was sure he had the wrong address. The building that stood before him looked quite old and he didn not smell the mouth-watering cupcakes. It was very short and all four windows had been boarded up with rotting wooden planks. Mason took out the carefully folded piece of paper from his pocket and checked the address, just to make sure. The ink was hard to read, as Mr. Charles had very unorganized writing and the ink smudged on the paper. But despite the hard to read text, Mason still read it. 4011 Woodman Road, the building next to the horse stable.
This was very confusing for Mason. The number on the house read 4011, there was a stable next to it, and he looked at the street sign which read Woodman road. Mason hesitated, but soon carried on towards the front door of the building. There was no knob, so Mason assumed he had to push the door. He did so, and the wooden door opened with ease. As Mason walked into the building he smelled a dull, sad smell. He could almost feel the heavy dust floating in the air. Whenever he inhaled through his mouth, he could smell a smell so horrible he could taste it. He tested rotting flesh. It was dark, despite the rising sun outdoors. Mason guessed there were no windows, and he confirmed that thought after looking around the sad, dark room. He did not know what to do, now that he was there. Rather suddenly, though, as if it had just appeared there, he noticed a small ring lying on a rusted metal desk. He moved closer to the table and he could hear the creaking floor under his feet and feel the planks beneath him slightly lower under his weight. He stared at the ring, as if inspecting it like it was an antique in a museum. It might have been golden long before, but the colour had worn out and it looked dark yellow. Despite the colour it seemed to have a sort of glow. And when Mason noticed the glow, he could also hear some sort of ringing in his ear. He reached out for it, and took it.
The second he touched it, the mellow ringing sound got very fast. His body dropped and he could see nothing but very dim lights that flashed in his eyes as he passed them as if he were inside a tunnel on a train, looking out the window. The smell went from a dull rotten smell to a rather humid smell. Suddenly the tunnel walls changed from dim lights to soil and dirt. Then pitch black. He could feel a small item about the size of a coin form itself inside his mouth. He did not know what was happening, and soon realized that he was not falling through a hole underground , but now falling down from the sky towards the Earth. And from such a height, he was sure the end of his life was coming the second he hit the ground. Everything was happening very quickly, and hi spit out the object that was slowly falling into his throat. He did not see what it was, just a small flicker of light that passed before him.
Mason hit the ground with no pain whatsoever, but he did land on a small object lying on the ground.
“Ugh,” Mason groaned, now feeling like an adventurer. He got up and took the item from beneath him. It was also a ring, but this time… Green. And it was not worn out. It looked fairly see through, like an emerald. It seemed to have some sort of movement inside. He was standing there, holding it, and yet nothing was happening. He wasn't falling into a mysterious hole in the ground like he did with the other ring. Mason, knowing he would be rich once he sold this ring, put it on his skinny ring finger. It fit very well. He suddenly heard a sound coming from in front of him. He was not completely aware of what it was, but it was a woman’s voice. It repeated itself, getting louder slowly. Come to us. You will be happy. We don’t want to make a cut. Come to us. You will be happy. We don’t want to make a cut.
Mason felt the calming voices forcing his body towards a small pond right next to a large tree. He looked around and noticed that there were so many trees that each person on Earth could have one tree hous and there would still be more. The pond was a dark red. It seemed to have waves in it. The sound pulled him into the pond. He did try to stop, but some force forced him to jump in to the pond. But this was not a shallow pond. He felt himself falling. He saw the emerald ring come off his hand and float in front of him. It started to grow slowly. He blinked, and when he opened his eyes, he was lying on a patch of dirt. It was dark, but he saw a dim light far, far away. Directly next to him lay a large silver needle pointing directly at the light coming from far way.
Mason no longer had the ring on his hand. He heard the same soothing voice continue its poem. My life, Your life. Our life, Poor life. Do not think, read. My life, Your life. Our life, Poor life. Do not think, read. It said the second piece of its poem.
What? Thought Mason. What do I read? What am I not allowed to think about? he thought.
Then the voice rose and was more aggressive rather than warning. I said, don’t THINK! And in a flash of lightning, another needle came shooting down from the sky and pierced him right in the heart.
Mason’s almost dead body fell to the floor. His eyes turned emerald green and he said, “My life, Your life. Our life, Poor life. Do not think, read” and closed his eyes for the last time.
Mason lived in the house of his dead parents, alone. Although he was only thirteen, he was qualified to take good care of himself. He woke up everyday with no clothes, even his underpants, and take a sharp shower instantly, as he could not afford heated water. He would eat a loaf of bread, which smelled so stale and senseless that he would figure it was in this environment for longer than the farmer who had made it. in an old uniform from the school is parents went to, and set off. One day, today, was special. He was getting paid for running Mr. Charles’ business for a day. Mr. Charles was not going to pay him a cent, but he was going to keep the money buyers gave him. Mr. Chjarles owned a local cupcake shop, and it was always very busy. Mason had never seen the shop, but he had heard of it throughout the entire town, as the cupcakes were so delicious everybody knew about them.
When Mason arrived at the building, he was sure he had the wrong address. The building that stood before him looked quite old and he didn not smell the mouth-watering cupcakes. It was very short and all four windows had been boarded up with rotting wooden planks. Mason took out the carefully folded piece of paper from his pocket and checked the address, just to make sure. The ink was hard to read, as Mr. Charles had very unorganized writing and the ink smudged on the paper. But despite the hard to read text, Mason still read it. 4011 Woodman Road, the building next to the horse stable.
This was very confusing for Mason. The number on the house read 4011, there was a stable next to it, and he looked at the street sign which read Woodman road. Mason hesitated, but soon carried on towards the front door of the building. There was no knob, so Mason assumed he had to push the door. He did so, and the wooden door opened with ease. As Mason walked into the building he smelled a dull, sad smell. He could almost feel the heavy dust floating in the air. Whenever he inhaled through his mouth, he could smell a smell so horrible he could taste it. He tested rotting flesh. It was dark, despite the rising sun outdoors. Mason guessed there were no windows, and he confirmed that thought after looking around the sad, dark room. He did not know what to do, now that he was there. Rather suddenly, though, as if it had just appeared there, he noticed a small ring lying on a rusted metal desk. He moved closer to the table and he could hear the creaking floor under his feet and feel the planks beneath him slightly lower under his weight. He stared at the ring, as if inspecting it like it was an antique in a museum. It might have been golden long before, but the colour had worn out and it looked dark yellow. Despite the colour it seemed to have a sort of glow. And when Mason noticed the glow, he could also hear some sort of ringing in his ear. He reached out for it, and took it.
The second he touched it, the mellow ringing sound got very fast. His body dropped and he could see nothing but very dim lights that flashed in his eyes as he passed them as if he were inside a tunnel on a train, looking out the window. The smell went from a dull rotten smell to a rather humid smell. Suddenly the tunnel walls changed from dim lights to soil and dirt. Then pitch black. He could feel a small item about the size of a coin form itself inside his mouth. He did not know what was happening, and soon realized that he was not falling through a hole underground , but now falling down from the sky towards the Earth. And from such a height, he was sure the end of his life was coming the second he hit the ground. Everything was happening very quickly, and hi spit out the object that was slowly falling into his throat. He did not see what it was, just a small flicker of light that passed before him.
Mason hit the ground with no pain whatsoever, but he did land on a small object lying on the ground.
“Ugh,” Mason groaned, now feeling like an adventurer. He got up and took the item from beneath him. It was also a ring, but this time… Green. And it was not worn out. It looked fairly see through, like an emerald. It seemed to have some sort of movement inside. He was standing there, holding it, and yet nothing was happening. He wasn't falling into a mysterious hole in the ground like he did with the other ring. Mason, knowing he would be rich once he sold this ring, put it on his skinny ring finger. It fit very well. He suddenly heard a sound coming from in front of him. He was not completely aware of what it was, but it was a woman’s voice. It repeated itself, getting louder slowly. Come to us. You will be happy. We don’t want to make a cut. Come to us. You will be happy. We don’t want to make a cut.
Mason felt the calming voices forcing his body towards a small pond right next to a large tree. He looked around and noticed that there were so many trees that each person on Earth could have one tree hous and there would still be more. The pond was a dark red. It seemed to have waves in it. The sound pulled him into the pond. He did try to stop, but some force forced him to jump in to the pond. But this was not a shallow pond. He felt himself falling. He saw the emerald ring come off his hand and float in front of him. It started to grow slowly. He blinked, and when he opened his eyes, he was lying on a patch of dirt. It was dark, but he saw a dim light far, far away. Directly next to him lay a large silver needle pointing directly at the light coming from far way.
Mason no longer had the ring on his hand. He heard the same soothing voice continue its poem. My life, Your life. Our life, Poor life. Do not think, read. My life, Your life. Our life, Poor life. Do not think, read. It said the second piece of its poem.
What? Thought Mason. What do I read? What am I not allowed to think about? he thought.
Then the voice rose and was more aggressive rather than warning. I said, don’t THINK! And in a flash of lightning, another needle came shooting down from the sky and pierced him right in the heart.
Mason’s almost dead body fell to the floor. His eyes turned emerald green and he said, “My life, Your life. Our life, Poor life. Do not think, read” and closed his eyes for the last time.
The Titanic by Odessa Bryan
REALLY RANDOM FOLD AND PASS STORIES
Genre - Sci-Fi/Fantasy
by RIWO (Reality Is Woefully Obligatory)
Story One - Dragons or Something
"Up to the stars we sail mates!" The captain set sail towards Jupiter. "It should be a decent place to die."
She walked up the hill and prepared the rocket. In ten seconds they had passed by twelve moons. In front of them was glorious. Planets and more planets exploding out like a sunburst, rubble flying through the void of space, in nothing but socks.
How did we end up wearing such a colourful coat. A coat of many colours? Just like that Bible story where there's a dragon or something. But dragons are just stories. Fairy tales. Made to add a little excitement to a tale. But a tale this awesome can only be told once. Burn this paper young reader, then weep for what has happened.
"Up to the stars we sail mates!" The captain set sail towards Jupiter. "It should be a decent place to die."
She walked up the hill and prepared the rocket. In ten seconds they had passed by twelve moons. In front of them was glorious. Planets and more planets exploding out like a sunburst, rubble flying through the void of space, in nothing but socks.
How did we end up wearing such a colourful coat. A coat of many colours? Just like that Bible story where there's a dragon or something. But dragons are just stories. Fairy tales. Made to add a little excitement to a tale. But a tale this awesome can only be told once. Burn this paper young reader, then weep for what has happened.
Story Two - The End of the World Is Annoying
The end of the world was annoying. He took a bite of his last meal - spaghetti, twirling the space noodles on his fork, he slurped them up. Everyone hates his voice and how it cracks under pressure. They tolerated it until they got the wizard to change it to a deep growl. "Flee you masters! Do not dare to oppose me - or die!"
"I guess I'll die then," he said, preparing for death. This day really isn't turning out. Hmmm. Well, at times like these, all you can do is cry, and cry, scream, punch, kick, fight! For something! Anything... even though it's too early to start that. Instead... "Let's talk about what happened to you? It seams like you haven't been the same since."
The end of the world was annoying. He took a bite of his last meal - spaghetti, twirling the space noodles on his fork, he slurped them up. Everyone hates his voice and how it cracks under pressure. They tolerated it until they got the wizard to change it to a deep growl. "Flee you masters! Do not dare to oppose me - or die!"
"I guess I'll die then," he said, preparing for death. This day really isn't turning out. Hmmm. Well, at times like these, all you can do is cry, and cry, scream, punch, kick, fight! For something! Anything... even though it's too early to start that. Instead... "Let's talk about what happened to you? It seams like you haven't been the same since."
Story Three - Bastards (mild content warning for the easily offended)
Jennifer zipped up her compression suit and checked her magic meter. Jennifer's space suit showed her magic was growing and building up, waiting for her to fire her spell. "You are now stripped of your powers, she declared, leaving us with this bastard of a situation, really. It is a bastard! And you know what they say about bastards. Bastards are there. And the bastards always looked at everyone like they were better, more equipped, more informed. Their names were known to a very few, but all who knew used their names to control them as know its true name gave a way to its childhood. Maybe you're like this because you're a bastard. A straight person too. Which is even worse. As it goes. Thankfully I do not care.
Jennifer zipped up her compression suit and checked her magic meter. Jennifer's space suit showed her magic was growing and building up, waiting for her to fire her spell. "You are now stripped of your powers, she declared, leaving us with this bastard of a situation, really. It is a bastard! And you know what they say about bastards. Bastards are there. And the bastards always looked at everyone like they were better, more equipped, more informed. Their names were known to a very few, but all who knew used their names to control them as know its true name gave a way to its childhood. Maybe you're like this because you're a bastard. A straight person too. Which is even worse. As it goes. Thankfully I do not care.
Story Four - Risky
They all gasped and ran to the door. Finally they were home. The sweet scent of flowers, the frighteningly large monster. It was coming directly at them. What were they going to find? The rays of the star cast bright light onto the surface of the fountain.
"What are the stars telling you?"
"I don't f*&#ing know... let's go buy a cat."
And so they went to the SPCA in space and went for a quick swim. They jumped down. Scared for their lives, but too curious for their own good. In the end it would be the end. However, right now it was risky. Maybe too risky, but they had to do it. It was too late now. There was no more space on the infinite cloth of time.
They all gasped and ran to the door. Finally they were home. The sweet scent of flowers, the frighteningly large monster. It was coming directly at them. What were they going to find? The rays of the star cast bright light onto the surface of the fountain.
"What are the stars telling you?"
"I don't f*&#ing know... let's go buy a cat."
And so they went to the SPCA in space and went for a quick swim. They jumped down. Scared for their lives, but too curious for their own good. In the end it would be the end. However, right now it was risky. Maybe too risky, but they had to do it. It was too late now. There was no more space on the infinite cloth of time.
Story Five - Neil deGrasse Tyson
"Space actually isn't real, you idiot," said Neil deGrasse Tyson. "It's not real and neither is capitalism. That's why I hate the stars. That disgusting endless lake full of monsters and space dust. Why does it always end in space dust?"
As the dist settled they looked around the cave hoping the were alone, but they weren't exactly happy about it.
"This sucks. And it's all men's fault. Men suck," said Neil deGrasse Tyson. "Men are responsible for every problem. That's just he start of it all, going into full detail would take eons!"
Luckily, the time for a story was now! So gather boys and girls while we share our tale of adventure and space denialism/communism with Neil deGrasse Tyson.
"Space actually isn't real, you idiot," said Neil deGrasse Tyson. "It's not real and neither is capitalism. That's why I hate the stars. That disgusting endless lake full of monsters and space dust. Why does it always end in space dust?"
As the dist settled they looked around the cave hoping the were alone, but they weren't exactly happy about it.
"This sucks. And it's all men's fault. Men suck," said Neil deGrasse Tyson. "Men are responsible for every problem. That's just he start of it all, going into full detail would take eons!"
Luckily, the time for a story was now! So gather boys and girls while we share our tale of adventure and space denialism/communism with Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Story Six - What a Day!
Glittering Galaxies, Shimmering Stars, Endless Nebula... Ships traveling in the inner dimension were lost. They needed to make the ships faster if they wanted any hope of making it out safely. But destiny had other plans. They walked over to the statue - a HUGE monument to the current leader.
"How foolish - he thought he could depend on my death laser! But this isn't even my final solo dance. In fact it is my third trip to the place where it all happened."
Over seventeen thousand years it waited. The dark black magic that ran most powerfully through the statue began to take control and the music stopped playing. The silence took over and the room went still.
"Welp. What a day."
Glittering Galaxies, Shimmering Stars, Endless Nebula... Ships traveling in the inner dimension were lost. They needed to make the ships faster if they wanted any hope of making it out safely. But destiny had other plans. They walked over to the statue - a HUGE monument to the current leader.
"How foolish - he thought he could depend on my death laser! But this isn't even my final solo dance. In fact it is my third trip to the place where it all happened."
Over seventeen thousand years it waited. The dark black magic that ran most powerfully through the statue began to take control and the music stopped playing. The silence took over and the room went still.
"Welp. What a day."
Story Seven - Europa's Waters
The starship zipped between the rocky debris, the dragon flapping its wings and running behind the small ship. And off they were.
They sailed off for Europa. Hopefully the waters were sexy. Yes, very, very sexy and cool. Which meant they were also too dangerous to step on, but they had to fight back.
The monster jumped off the wall. Patrick dodged and pulled out his wand, firing a ray of fire at the creature lurking in the shadows. It charged forward out of the darkness and into my loving arms. I can't keep being ... a machine.
"How are you coping?"
"Buddy, thank you for asking!" he said. "And yourself? Can you?"
"I can't, but I have to! They need to have hope. So I will fight. For every poor soul that crosses my path, I will fight."
The starship zipped between the rocky debris, the dragon flapping its wings and running behind the small ship. And off they were.
They sailed off for Europa. Hopefully the waters were sexy. Yes, very, very sexy and cool. Which meant they were also too dangerous to step on, but they had to fight back.
The monster jumped off the wall. Patrick dodged and pulled out his wand, firing a ray of fire at the creature lurking in the shadows. It charged forward out of the darkness and into my loving arms. I can't keep being ... a machine.
"How are you coping?"
"Buddy, thank you for asking!" he said. "And yourself? Can you?"
"I can't, but I have to! They need to have hope. So I will fight. For every poor soul that crosses my path, I will fight."
by Peter Katsnelson
Poisson Ballet
“Plié! No! Wrong! Ugh…”
Jeffery facepalmed as he watched his bumbling ballet students flop around like the fish they were. When he had been sent to the human world to bring back their culture and disperse it back home to the ocean, he should have considered that fish don’t have knees. Or legs. Or toes…
“Stop! Stop!” Jeffery swam into the group only to be accosted by a sturgeon spinning out of control nearby. “Sorry…” The sturgeon righted itself, looking a little queasy.
“If you puke, we all have to breathe it in,” Jeffery warned. He then turned to his troup. “What the hell is wrong with you?! I give you a simple task and you make me look like a fool!”
“Weren’t we the ones spinning out of control…?” someone commented.
“It’s not your asses on the line, is it?” Jeffery screamed. “Our shark overlords will eat me if I fail to impress them!”
One small clownfish swam closer. “Did you not consider that dance might not be the best thing to bring back from the human world?”
“Don’t question me!” Jeffery yelled. “Have you ever been to the human world? No! They're gluttonous, fish-killing monsters whose only redeeming quality is their flexibility! Now DANCE!”
Jeffery facepalmed as he watched his bumbling ballet students flop around like the fish they were. When he had been sent to the human world to bring back their culture and disperse it back home to the ocean, he should have considered that fish don’t have knees. Or legs. Or toes…
“Stop! Stop!” Jeffery swam into the group only to be accosted by a sturgeon spinning out of control nearby. “Sorry…” The sturgeon righted itself, looking a little queasy.
“If you puke, we all have to breathe it in,” Jeffery warned. He then turned to his troup. “What the hell is wrong with you?! I give you a simple task and you make me look like a fool!”
“Weren’t we the ones spinning out of control…?” someone commented.
“It’s not your asses on the line, is it?” Jeffery screamed. “Our shark overlords will eat me if I fail to impress them!”
One small clownfish swam closer. “Did you not consider that dance might not be the best thing to bring back from the human world?”
“Don’t question me!” Jeffery yelled. “Have you ever been to the human world? No! They're gluttonous, fish-killing monsters whose only redeeming quality is their flexibility! Now DANCE!”
A Dozen Story Ideas
- Plot diagram comes to life and starts infecting all novels with an irregular plot structure.
- The worst person you know is now your protagonist
- All lipstick in the world disappears
- This list of prompts somehow becomes dumber
- Rabbits, that only eat raw steaks, take over Chicago
- Damsel in Distress has had enough, marries the dragon
- Very large dog, who hates plots, starts eating books
- The paper I’m writing this on comes to life and talks me to death
- French people
- Fingernails which mutate into ears of corn
- What the hell?
- The haunted doll that you buy gets a crush on you.
Pen and Panel Tarot Cards
coming soon to a E-Zine near you!
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by Peter Doerksen
What Is Wellness? by Reality Is Optional
What is wellness?
A squishy, fluffy thing that humans give to each other
While running towards train tracks.
Wellness IS random people on the street.
Pumpkins at restaurants tasting just like watermelons
that are from Japan and square.
Square watermelons are soooo cool.
If you eat a square watermelon you become like Batman
So, PLEASE, never EVER eat round watermelons.
Only then can you know the true meaning of wellness
What is wellness?
It is a very soft and squishy cat with grey whiskers
The cat is fat
Cuddles all that come and feed it
The wellness cat has fifteen whiskers
It is so unbalanced that it limps to the bathroom
Just to find a tissue of black mysterious wellness sauce.
The sauce tastes like FREEDOM and JUSTICE
I love justice and candy
Because it tastes good
Wellness is a very important aspect of my daily bathroom routine
first I take a dark, wet shower
Then, I would eat a very VERY large granola bar
And then I give the leftovers to Batman
This is because the leftovers taste like JUSTICE!
Justice is the wellness of my wellness cat
The cat that makes a pinata smell like fur
And we all know that beating the pinata with a spiked bat of wellness
Makes everything better
What is wellness?
A sweater that is well
Wellness is like body milk because BATMAN
Batman is like milk because he is so wet and sweaty
Superman, on the other hand, is a very dry and crusty dude
And Spiderman wants to be well, like Batman
To do this he must do 500 squats a day
He must eat pre-chewed food
so he does not disturb his eternal sleep
He is about to jump onto the wellness train with Batman
Hooray for Spiderman
He is very well
What is wellness?
Wellness is a feeling, like you are rising
Its wrapping yourself in aluminium
Wellness doesn’t mind if you bake yourself in the oven
To wellness, 350 degrees Celsius is just wonderful
Yet a bit stupid
I would guess that being warm is like escaping the cold
Wellness enjoys cuddles and hot potatoes
Wellness wants to smell like me
Why does it even smell like that?
Everyone asks
What is wellness?
Why does wellness smell like that?
But no one asks,
How is wellness?
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
A squishy, fluffy thing that humans give to each other
While running towards train tracks.
Wellness IS random people on the street.
Pumpkins at restaurants tasting just like watermelons
that are from Japan and square.
Square watermelons are soooo cool.
If you eat a square watermelon you become like Batman
So, PLEASE, never EVER eat round watermelons.
Only then can you know the true meaning of wellness
What is wellness?
It is a very soft and squishy cat with grey whiskers
The cat is fat
Cuddles all that come and feed it
The wellness cat has fifteen whiskers
It is so unbalanced that it limps to the bathroom
Just to find a tissue of black mysterious wellness sauce.
The sauce tastes like FREEDOM and JUSTICE
I love justice and candy
Because it tastes good
Wellness is a very important aspect of my daily bathroom routine
first I take a dark, wet shower
Then, I would eat a very VERY large granola bar
And then I give the leftovers to Batman
This is because the leftovers taste like JUSTICE!
Justice is the wellness of my wellness cat
The cat that makes a pinata smell like fur
And we all know that beating the pinata with a spiked bat of wellness
Makes everything better
What is wellness?
A sweater that is well
Wellness is like body milk because BATMAN
Batman is like milk because he is so wet and sweaty
Superman, on the other hand, is a very dry and crusty dude
And Spiderman wants to be well, like Batman
To do this he must do 500 squats a day
He must eat pre-chewed food
so he does not disturb his eternal sleep
He is about to jump onto the wellness train with Batman
Hooray for Spiderman
He is very well
What is wellness?
Wellness is a feeling, like you are rising
Its wrapping yourself in aluminium
Wellness doesn’t mind if you bake yourself in the oven
To wellness, 350 degrees Celsius is just wonderful
Yet a bit stupid
I would guess that being warm is like escaping the cold
Wellness enjoys cuddles and hot potatoes
Wellness wants to smell like me
Why does it even smell like that?
Everyone asks
What is wellness?
Why does wellness smell like that?
But no one asks,
How is wellness?
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
by Lina Kat
Micro-Mini Novels by Reality Is Optional
Clearing a Name is Not Easy for a Bus Driver by Kali Yeske
Chapter 1
Bob rushed towards the school in the super-speedy school bus. It was going four km per hour. Parking the school bus in the visitor parking only spot, Bob rushed out of the bus and ran to the stairs to the school. But sadly he had forgotten to tie his shoelaces and he tripped, fell, and banged all the way down the 15 stairs. Screaming, Bob tried to stop himself. As he reached the bottom of the stairs the school doors opened.
Chapter 2
“Hey, have you seen my phone?” an unfamiliar high female voice said. As she stepped out into Bob's view, he was immediately struck by two thoughts. One was “Wow! She is so beautiful!” and twp, “She looks so familiar!” Little did he know that she was one of his old exes and she was destined to become his love! He gazed at her for an extremely long time.
Chapter 3
She was in his class all those years ago, the day he got that F-. Truth is, he knew a little trick. That day he had tried to change his mark from F - to an A + by rearranging the lines of the letters, but he had no time! The Bell rang and he smashed his desk in frustration. So now he had come back to clear his name so there was no proof of his terrible mark!
Chapter 4
The girl, whose name was Bella and now a teacher at the school, slammed the door in Bob's face taking in the bloody nose from his fall. With a horrified scream. Bob heartbroken, bolted up the stairs, suddenly full of energy after his fall. He attempted to pull open the doors but they were locked! Bob even more heartbroken, thought I'm never going to win!
Chapter 5
Bob lost all hope of finding the girl of his dreams and clearing his name from the school. In a vain attempt to get into the school, Bob found a nearby rock and chucked it at the school doors. The glass immediately shattered into millions of shards. Now covered in cuts from the glass, Bob looked like he was wearing red clothes. He found the energy to get up and staggered through the school doors.
Chapter 6
With blood dripping in Bob’s eyes, he couldn't see. Staggering through the doors, Bob heard the school’s alarm. A pre-recorded voice shouted, Lockdown! Lockdown! Bob knew he didn't have much time to finish this job, but it wasn't until he had heard the police sirens that he knew he was really in trouble.
Chapter 7
When police cautiously walked through the doors of the school they did not expect to find the cause of it all on the floor, bloody and bruised. “Please help me!” The bloody almost-corpse, Bob, cried. They shipped him off to jail.
Chapter 8
Two months later, it was finally Bob's releasement day. To breathe real air for the first time in two months What a Feeling! Bob had thought about his life for a long time in jail, and now he was ready to accept that there was no name to be cleared.
Chapter 9
Bella walked up to Bob’s house and said a simple, “Hello. Can we start over?” And Bob replied, “Yes.” After that, they lived to become the mother and father of three children, and life was good until Bob's youngest child got an F minus on her math test.
Chapter 1
Bob rushed towards the school in the super-speedy school bus. It was going four km per hour. Parking the school bus in the visitor parking only spot, Bob rushed out of the bus and ran to the stairs to the school. But sadly he had forgotten to tie his shoelaces and he tripped, fell, and banged all the way down the 15 stairs. Screaming, Bob tried to stop himself. As he reached the bottom of the stairs the school doors opened.
Chapter 2
“Hey, have you seen my phone?” an unfamiliar high female voice said. As she stepped out into Bob's view, he was immediately struck by two thoughts. One was “Wow! She is so beautiful!” and twp, “She looks so familiar!” Little did he know that she was one of his old exes and she was destined to become his love! He gazed at her for an extremely long time.
Chapter 3
She was in his class all those years ago, the day he got that F-. Truth is, he knew a little trick. That day he had tried to change his mark from F - to an A + by rearranging the lines of the letters, but he had no time! The Bell rang and he smashed his desk in frustration. So now he had come back to clear his name so there was no proof of his terrible mark!
Chapter 4
The girl, whose name was Bella and now a teacher at the school, slammed the door in Bob's face taking in the bloody nose from his fall. With a horrified scream. Bob heartbroken, bolted up the stairs, suddenly full of energy after his fall. He attempted to pull open the doors but they were locked! Bob even more heartbroken, thought I'm never going to win!
Chapter 5
Bob lost all hope of finding the girl of his dreams and clearing his name from the school. In a vain attempt to get into the school, Bob found a nearby rock and chucked it at the school doors. The glass immediately shattered into millions of shards. Now covered in cuts from the glass, Bob looked like he was wearing red clothes. He found the energy to get up and staggered through the school doors.
Chapter 6
With blood dripping in Bob’s eyes, he couldn't see. Staggering through the doors, Bob heard the school’s alarm. A pre-recorded voice shouted, Lockdown! Lockdown! Bob knew he didn't have much time to finish this job, but it wasn't until he had heard the police sirens that he knew he was really in trouble.
Chapter 7
When police cautiously walked through the doors of the school they did not expect to find the cause of it all on the floor, bloody and bruised. “Please help me!” The bloody almost-corpse, Bob, cried. They shipped him off to jail.
Chapter 8
Two months later, it was finally Bob's releasement day. To breathe real air for the first time in two months What a Feeling! Bob had thought about his life for a long time in jail, and now he was ready to accept that there was no name to be cleared.
Chapter 9
Bella walked up to Bob’s house and said a simple, “Hello. Can we start over?” And Bob replied, “Yes.” After that, they lived to become the mother and father of three children, and life was good until Bob's youngest child got an F minus on her math test.
My nightmare Thesis by George Doerksen
Chapter one
I groaned loudly out of frustration, earning dirty looks from everyone around me. I couldn't listen to this awful speech anymore, it was boring me to death. I stood up and tried to leave the chamber, stepping over people's legs. Pushing and stumbling past them, finally I escaped, breathing a sigh of relief. I took a quick drink from the water fountain. I felt guilty, but so what if I was at the United Nations? I was bored out of my mind.
Chapter 2
“You have tuberculosis, buddy guy,” the doctor explained to me. Tuberculosis? This is what I get from this awful field tripÉ How do you even get tuberculosis in New York? How I can I get back to the General Assembly, I worried, as I left the clinic and returned to my hotel room. I had to wear a surgical mask and avoid crowds. How was I supposed to finish my essay if I wasn't able to see the rest of the United Nation session? My entire thesis was on the line here, and my notes were terrible. I was certainly about to fail this course.
Chapter 3
For the longest time, political science seemed like a really fun course. It was only when I started the research for my doctorate, that I realized most of it was mind-numbingly dreary, trivial, mundanely boring. At first, I decided to tough it out, but now it looked like I wasn't that wasn't an option anymore. I would fail, and thousands of dollars would be down the drain. These panicked thoughts pass through my head as I lay on the couch
Chapter 4
Bang! I rolled off the couch in a heap I was dizzy and nauseous. The tuberculosis was getting worse not better. I stumbled into the kitchenette and took another antibiotic pill. I managed to lurch back to the couch before collapsing. This didn't feel like tuberculosis anymore. I watched, with fading eyes, as the doctor from earlier and two masked henchman walked into my hotel room. Was I hallucinating,? I tried to get up but fell unconscious as they came towards me.
Chapter 5
I woke up, feeling much more clear-headed, in a bush. A pigeon stared down at me. “They've taken your notes,” it said in a smooth high-pitched voice. “Look closely. You'll need to find the secret message,” it told me before flying off. Who took my notes? The doctor? Why would he want my terrible political science notes? He must have drugged me, I thought as I got up and hailed a cab. I was going to find him and reclaim my notes, and I was definitely not going to fail this essay.
Chapter 6
I got out of the cab as we were as we drove across the bridge, I saw the doctor by the side of the road, reading my out of my notebook. “Hey!” I shouted. He saw me and started to run. I chased after him, pushing pedestrians out of the way. Suddenly, his two thugs emerge from the crowd and attacked me. I barely dodged the first punch, and the second collided with my face. I fell to the ground as that they moved in to give me a beating. They began to rain blows down on me as I struggled.
Chapter 7
I was battered and bruised when the beating stopped.I looked up and saw a crowd pulling the henchmen off of me. I gasped for breath and struggled to my feet. A few metres away the doctor held my notebook dangerously close to the edge of the bridge. My heart pounded, thinking of those hours of work in his hands. “Well, well! I must confess! I wanted to learn your secrets. But your code is too strong, and you are too dogged. If I can't decrypt this tome, I'll destroy it.”
chapter 8
I was boggled. I hadn't ridden a code in my notes. Had I? I slowly walk forwards. “Please now, there's nothing good in there. Just give me my notebook back.” The crowd watched with bated breath I was almost close enough to read the words on the pages of my book. Then just like that, I saw it. Letters, the final words... It it all came together... Like the theory of relativity, but for political scientist. My mind understood it, ALL OF IT. “Fine,” I said. “Do it.Destroy my book.”
Chapter 9
My notebook dropped towards the water, but I had nothing left to learn from it. Police cars drove up, alerted by the disturbance. “I understand it all now,” I said to the doctor, and you'll have plenty of time to study in jail.” The police asked me a few questions, then drove me to the hotel. My class was just returning from the United Nations, and even with my new all-encompassing knowledge of political science, I had a lot to write for the world's greatest thesis!
Chapter one
I groaned loudly out of frustration, earning dirty looks from everyone around me. I couldn't listen to this awful speech anymore, it was boring me to death. I stood up and tried to leave the chamber, stepping over people's legs. Pushing and stumbling past them, finally I escaped, breathing a sigh of relief. I took a quick drink from the water fountain. I felt guilty, but so what if I was at the United Nations? I was bored out of my mind.
Chapter 2
“You have tuberculosis, buddy guy,” the doctor explained to me. Tuberculosis? This is what I get from this awful field tripÉ How do you even get tuberculosis in New York? How I can I get back to the General Assembly, I worried, as I left the clinic and returned to my hotel room. I had to wear a surgical mask and avoid crowds. How was I supposed to finish my essay if I wasn't able to see the rest of the United Nation session? My entire thesis was on the line here, and my notes were terrible. I was certainly about to fail this course.
Chapter 3
For the longest time, political science seemed like a really fun course. It was only when I started the research for my doctorate, that I realized most of it was mind-numbingly dreary, trivial, mundanely boring. At first, I decided to tough it out, but now it looked like I wasn't that wasn't an option anymore. I would fail, and thousands of dollars would be down the drain. These panicked thoughts pass through my head as I lay on the couch
Chapter 4
Bang! I rolled off the couch in a heap I was dizzy and nauseous. The tuberculosis was getting worse not better. I stumbled into the kitchenette and took another antibiotic pill. I managed to lurch back to the couch before collapsing. This didn't feel like tuberculosis anymore. I watched, with fading eyes, as the doctor from earlier and two masked henchman walked into my hotel room. Was I hallucinating,? I tried to get up but fell unconscious as they came towards me.
Chapter 5
I woke up, feeling much more clear-headed, in a bush. A pigeon stared down at me. “They've taken your notes,” it said in a smooth high-pitched voice. “Look closely. You'll need to find the secret message,” it told me before flying off. Who took my notes? The doctor? Why would he want my terrible political science notes? He must have drugged me, I thought as I got up and hailed a cab. I was going to find him and reclaim my notes, and I was definitely not going to fail this essay.
Chapter 6
I got out of the cab as we were as we drove across the bridge, I saw the doctor by the side of the road, reading my out of my notebook. “Hey!” I shouted. He saw me and started to run. I chased after him, pushing pedestrians out of the way. Suddenly, his two thugs emerge from the crowd and attacked me. I barely dodged the first punch, and the second collided with my face. I fell to the ground as that they moved in to give me a beating. They began to rain blows down on me as I struggled.
Chapter 7
I was battered and bruised when the beating stopped.I looked up and saw a crowd pulling the henchmen off of me. I gasped for breath and struggled to my feet. A few metres away the doctor held my notebook dangerously close to the edge of the bridge. My heart pounded, thinking of those hours of work in his hands. “Well, well! I must confess! I wanted to learn your secrets. But your code is too strong, and you are too dogged. If I can't decrypt this tome, I'll destroy it.”
chapter 8
I was boggled. I hadn't ridden a code in my notes. Had I? I slowly walk forwards. “Please now, there's nothing good in there. Just give me my notebook back.” The crowd watched with bated breath I was almost close enough to read the words on the pages of my book. Then just like that, I saw it. Letters, the final words... It it all came together... Like the theory of relativity, but for political scientist. My mind understood it, ALL OF IT. “Fine,” I said. “Do it.Destroy my book.”
Chapter 9
My notebook dropped towards the water, but I had nothing left to learn from it. Police cars drove up, alerted by the disturbance. “I understand it all now,” I said to the doctor, and you'll have plenty of time to study in jail.” The police asked me a few questions, then drove me to the hotel. My class was just returning from the United Nations, and even with my new all-encompassing knowledge of political science, I had a lot to write for the world's greatest thesis!
The Unpumpkining by Jane Zhi
Chapter 1
“David get me a chainsaw!”
“David, what do you need a chainsaw for?”
These pumpkins of course.”James didn't look up, only continuing to pick a pumpkin bigger than his body. “I'm sure there's better options then a chainsaw …
“Oh come on! Who has the IQ of a hundred and seventy-nine here?”
James stood up. “Besides it'll be fun!”
David said. “You know they lock all the power tools up, and the door is locked electronically right?”
James smiled, eyes gleaming with excitement. “I want to find out if I can hack it.”
Chapter 2
“This is my famous last words collection of course.”
“Let's hear one.”
“Well okay then. Why pay a barber to cut your hair when you have a chainsaw?”
“James, no. Please stop. You do enough weird things with chainsaws as it is, I don't want you getting more ideas”
James smiled.
“No no I quite like my luscious long locks.”
James grabbed his laptop and sat down on the bed. “So I need a favour from you David.
David narrowed his eyes at James.
“Please? Pretty please?” James made and over-the-top show of batting his eyelashes.
David rolled his eyes. “Fine let's hear it.”
“James get over here,” the Dean's voice rang in the hall.
Chapter 3
James tried to pretend he was nervous as he ran towards the Dean's office. The doors closed behind him with a slam and he stood face-to-face with the Dean. Papers are strewn across the heavy wooden table. “So James,” the Dean began, “you have made some…” He tried to choose the right word. “Grave mistakes in your last two missions. It is in the best interest of you and the institute for you to go on a training Mission before we send you or something more important consequences.” James opened his mouth to argue.
Chapter 4
Screech!!! “David!” James ran down the hall under the high 15 feet ceilings following the voice. He didn't need to go far, David was exactly where James had sent him. Next to the control panel filled with shoddy cold war-era, Soviet wiring. David sat on the ground, eyes wide, shoulders hunched. James looked at the box. It was opened, and the ground was covered in suspicious red-brown powder. He reached up to open the box further, but James screamed, “No!” “Booby-trapped,” David breathed out, his voice shaking.
Chapter 5
James helped David walk back to the room and cleaned the burns from his hand. “I'm so sorry man I didn't know. I wouldn't have... I wouldn't have sent you if I did.”
“It's okay,” David tried to comfort James.
“Well, without the hard connection you won't be able to hack in right?”
“Oh who cares about that now, you're hurt.”
A servant girl knocked on the door and popped in, bringing what she said was a package for James and disappeared. A package? James examined it with curiosity, who's this from? David leaned in and took the package out of James’ hands.
Chapter 6
James pounded on the door of the medical Bay again, still getting no response. It's been days since they took David inside, and he hadn't heard from him since. Of all things, it had been anthrax in the heavily padded envelope. David had insisted on opening it going to be the first to find out what was inside.
The door was opened a fraction. The nurse snapped. “James,” she said. “You're not helping him by doing this. If anything you're making it worse.”
James felt his stomach drop.
Chapter 7
A messenger in travelling clothes ran towards James, getting even faster as they approached, only stopping abruptly in front of him. “Bad news sir,” their face was flushed as they cast their eyes down, as if scared to face James. “The Village it was... Your your family... Sir.” They couldn't continue.
“What?” James shouted. If the Dean has heard of what he tried to do... He may or he may not... “Just tell me. There was a fire,” the messenger paused, “no survivors.”
Chapter 8
It was as if James’ brain didn't quite process the information. The door behind him swung open and the doctor stepped in. “your friend is fine now.” she peeled the mask off her face. “He wants to see you. Says he needs to tell you something important.”
“But sir... The messenger interrupted from behind him, “The Dean wants you back.”
“What does he want?” James snapped.
“A sudden briefing.”
“He sent me to pick pumpkins, what kind of briefing does he want?” James turned and walked into the midday.
Chapter 9
David jumped up, throwing his arms around James. “Listen, the Dean is lying,” he said quickly, cutting James off because he already knew what he was going to say. “No one is dead, James.”
“What... but…”
David shushed him. “I know I know, about the destruction,, what he said happened, everything.” Waiting to see that James was following, he continued. “He sent you to the wrong place for training with the wrong person. Everything is fine. We’re leaving together.”
Chapter 1
“David get me a chainsaw!”
“David, what do you need a chainsaw for?”
These pumpkins of course.”James didn't look up, only continuing to pick a pumpkin bigger than his body. “I'm sure there's better options then a chainsaw …
“Oh come on! Who has the IQ of a hundred and seventy-nine here?”
James stood up. “Besides it'll be fun!”
David said. “You know they lock all the power tools up, and the door is locked electronically right?”
James smiled, eyes gleaming with excitement. “I want to find out if I can hack it.”
Chapter 2
“This is my famous last words collection of course.”
“Let's hear one.”
“Well okay then. Why pay a barber to cut your hair when you have a chainsaw?”
“James, no. Please stop. You do enough weird things with chainsaws as it is, I don't want you getting more ideas”
James smiled.
“No no I quite like my luscious long locks.”
James grabbed his laptop and sat down on the bed. “So I need a favour from you David.
David narrowed his eyes at James.
“Please? Pretty please?” James made and over-the-top show of batting his eyelashes.
David rolled his eyes. “Fine let's hear it.”
“James get over here,” the Dean's voice rang in the hall.
Chapter 3
James tried to pretend he was nervous as he ran towards the Dean's office. The doors closed behind him with a slam and he stood face-to-face with the Dean. Papers are strewn across the heavy wooden table. “So James,” the Dean began, “you have made some…” He tried to choose the right word. “Grave mistakes in your last two missions. It is in the best interest of you and the institute for you to go on a training Mission before we send you or something more important consequences.” James opened his mouth to argue.
Chapter 4
Screech!!! “David!” James ran down the hall under the high 15 feet ceilings following the voice. He didn't need to go far, David was exactly where James had sent him. Next to the control panel filled with shoddy cold war-era, Soviet wiring. David sat on the ground, eyes wide, shoulders hunched. James looked at the box. It was opened, and the ground was covered in suspicious red-brown powder. He reached up to open the box further, but James screamed, “No!” “Booby-trapped,” David breathed out, his voice shaking.
Chapter 5
James helped David walk back to the room and cleaned the burns from his hand. “I'm so sorry man I didn't know. I wouldn't have... I wouldn't have sent you if I did.”
“It's okay,” David tried to comfort James.
“Well, without the hard connection you won't be able to hack in right?”
“Oh who cares about that now, you're hurt.”
A servant girl knocked on the door and popped in, bringing what she said was a package for James and disappeared. A package? James examined it with curiosity, who's this from? David leaned in and took the package out of James’ hands.
Chapter 6
James pounded on the door of the medical Bay again, still getting no response. It's been days since they took David inside, and he hadn't heard from him since. Of all things, it had been anthrax in the heavily padded envelope. David had insisted on opening it going to be the first to find out what was inside.
The door was opened a fraction. The nurse snapped. “James,” she said. “You're not helping him by doing this. If anything you're making it worse.”
James felt his stomach drop.
Chapter 7
A messenger in travelling clothes ran towards James, getting even faster as they approached, only stopping abruptly in front of him. “Bad news sir,” their face was flushed as they cast their eyes down, as if scared to face James. “The Village it was... Your your family... Sir.” They couldn't continue.
“What?” James shouted. If the Dean has heard of what he tried to do... He may or he may not... “Just tell me. There was a fire,” the messenger paused, “no survivors.”
Chapter 8
It was as if James’ brain didn't quite process the information. The door behind him swung open and the doctor stepped in. “your friend is fine now.” she peeled the mask off her face. “He wants to see you. Says he needs to tell you something important.”
“But sir... The messenger interrupted from behind him, “The Dean wants you back.”
“What does he want?” James snapped.
“A sudden briefing.”
“He sent me to pick pumpkins, what kind of briefing does he want?” James turned and walked into the midday.
Chapter 9
David jumped up, throwing his arms around James. “Listen, the Dean is lying,” he said quickly, cutting James off because he already knew what he was going to say. “No one is dead, James.”
“What... but…”
David shushed him. “I know I know, about the destruction,, what he said happened, everything.” Waiting to see that James was following, he continued. “He sent you to the wrong place for training with the wrong person. Everything is fine. We’re leaving together.”
Robo-lympics by Peter Doerksen
Chapter 1
Robert Bot was neck-and-neck with the league of racing cars. The car in the lane next to him was mere inches in front of him but Mr Bot was gradually closing the gap. The gap turned from centimetres which turned to millimetres. Eventually Robert was right next to the speeding automobile. The car took an unexpected swerved and smashed into his side. His arms flew off from the force. The car went whizzing past as he crawled towards his arms.
Chapter 2
“So, hot dog or pizza?” Robert Bot’[s manufacturer called from the bleachers.
“Hot dog,” Robert shouted back. His manufacturer hurled a hotdog towards Robert. Robert hopped to his feet. He popped his fuel part open and positioned it to face the hot dog as it sailed through the air. The roar of an approaching car gradually grew louder. When the car was almost upon him at the hot dog slipped into his open part. At long last, Robert Bot was replenished. He sprung to his feet before he could be hit.
Chapter 3
The memories flowed through Robert. This moment made him recall his childhood. A young and naive Robert Bot on the road pursuing his earliest aspiration, to be in the Olympics. He raced through the busy streets until he ran in front of a bus. It tried to break, but it plowed right into him and he needed his brain to be placed into a robot body.
Chapter 4
Ker Thom! Robert Bot stomped his foot into the front of the approaching car. It started to fly backwards at unparalleled velocities . It seemed that Robert would go another day without being mowed down by a car. Quickly he turned around and booked it for the Finish Line. He picked up his arms on the way. There was a glimmer of hope for Robert when he started to pass cars once again but his dream was destroyed when the driver of the car he kicked threatened to sue him. He couldn't win the race if he needed to visit the court part way through.
Chapter 5
Robert prayed that his court date would be after the race as he threw himself past car upon car. Robert’s manufacturer saw that he was distressed and threw him a paper airplane with writing on it. “If you have to go to court mid-race I can advocate for you,”. It said, as Robert read it at high speeds. Robert I'll see you in court now! Shuttered this crazy driver
Chapter 6
“Oh no,” Robert thought. He had no choice but to turn around and run to court. He was barely out of the Arena when his competitors had only a few laps left. When he arrived at court, carrying his manufacturer and the suing driver for time constraint reasons. The judge started to go on and on about some legal mumbo-jumbo. Robert thought about the ground he was losing to the other racers.
Chapter 7
Robert tapped his foot impatiently. If this went on, Robert would be screwed. “Here, just take my darn money,” Robert shouted. He opened a compartment on his torso. He pulled out a couple of wads of $100 bills. He went over the benches and barged through the courtroom doors. He ran through the busy streets. Looking both ways so we didn't get mowed down like when he was a child.
Chapter 8
He couldn't fathom ever crossing a street without taking the proper precautions but he was losing too much time for safety. He threw caution to the wind and ran in front of the cars to get back to the racetrack. He lept over a car near the racetrack and barged back onto the truck just to see the first car cross the finish line. If Robert had a jaw it would have dropped to the floor. He fell onto his knees. He sobbed oil.
Chapter 9
“How could this happen?” Robert yelled. “Don't worry, I found out all your opponents were doping,” said a nearby cop from the audience. Leisurely Robert strolled across the finish line. He earned bronze, silver, and gold and his opponents won three years in prison. As his opponents were being shoveled into two cop cars he saw the driver that sued him walk past with lots of money in each hand. He waved to Robert and stepped into his new race car.
Chapter 1
Robert Bot was neck-and-neck with the league of racing cars. The car in the lane next to him was mere inches in front of him but Mr Bot was gradually closing the gap. The gap turned from centimetres which turned to millimetres. Eventually Robert was right next to the speeding automobile. The car took an unexpected swerved and smashed into his side. His arms flew off from the force. The car went whizzing past as he crawled towards his arms.
Chapter 2
“So, hot dog or pizza?” Robert Bot’[s manufacturer called from the bleachers.
“Hot dog,” Robert shouted back. His manufacturer hurled a hotdog towards Robert. Robert hopped to his feet. He popped his fuel part open and positioned it to face the hot dog as it sailed through the air. The roar of an approaching car gradually grew louder. When the car was almost upon him at the hot dog slipped into his open part. At long last, Robert Bot was replenished. He sprung to his feet before he could be hit.
Chapter 3
The memories flowed through Robert. This moment made him recall his childhood. A young and naive Robert Bot on the road pursuing his earliest aspiration, to be in the Olympics. He raced through the busy streets until he ran in front of a bus. It tried to break, but it plowed right into him and he needed his brain to be placed into a robot body.
Chapter 4
Ker Thom! Robert Bot stomped his foot into the front of the approaching car. It started to fly backwards at unparalleled velocities . It seemed that Robert would go another day without being mowed down by a car. Quickly he turned around and booked it for the Finish Line. He picked up his arms on the way. There was a glimmer of hope for Robert when he started to pass cars once again but his dream was destroyed when the driver of the car he kicked threatened to sue him. He couldn't win the race if he needed to visit the court part way through.
Chapter 5
Robert prayed that his court date would be after the race as he threw himself past car upon car. Robert’s manufacturer saw that he was distressed and threw him a paper airplane with writing on it. “If you have to go to court mid-race I can advocate for you,”. It said, as Robert read it at high speeds. Robert I'll see you in court now! Shuttered this crazy driver
Chapter 6
“Oh no,” Robert thought. He had no choice but to turn around and run to court. He was barely out of the Arena when his competitors had only a few laps left. When he arrived at court, carrying his manufacturer and the suing driver for time constraint reasons. The judge started to go on and on about some legal mumbo-jumbo. Robert thought about the ground he was losing to the other racers.
Chapter 7
Robert tapped his foot impatiently. If this went on, Robert would be screwed. “Here, just take my darn money,” Robert shouted. He opened a compartment on his torso. He pulled out a couple of wads of $100 bills. He went over the benches and barged through the courtroom doors. He ran through the busy streets. Looking both ways so we didn't get mowed down like when he was a child.
Chapter 8
He couldn't fathom ever crossing a street without taking the proper precautions but he was losing too much time for safety. He threw caution to the wind and ran in front of the cars to get back to the racetrack. He lept over a car near the racetrack and barged back onto the truck just to see the first car cross the finish line. If Robert had a jaw it would have dropped to the floor. He fell onto his knees. He sobbed oil.
Chapter 9
“How could this happen?” Robert yelled. “Don't worry, I found out all your opponents were doping,” said a nearby cop from the audience. Leisurely Robert strolled across the finish line. He earned bronze, silver, and gold and his opponents won three years in prison. As his opponents were being shoveled into two cop cars he saw the driver that sued him walk past with lots of money in each hand. He waved to Robert and stepped into his new race car.
A Polar Bear in a Minefield in the Ocean by Peter Katsnelson
Chapter 1
Mr. Rudy bear was tied up in the fishing net. He had to think fast. He took his bloody claws out and ripped the net. But now all the fish escaped in one school and converged on him. All he could see was wet, beedy fish eyes. But little did he know that a bloodthirsty shark was coming his way, wanting to eat his bloody Paws. Wanting to eat everything.
Chapter 2
“Oh my goodness! Could it be?” said Mr. Rudy.
“No of course not! It... Sharks don't live here, do they?” said one of the tuna fish.
“Hey fish. Let's be friends and help each other on the dangerous voyage back home!” Mr. Bear said.
“But this is my home,” said the fish.
“Too bad. Friends or not, you're coming with me!” and he shoved the fish into his pocket.
Chapter 3
They swam up together, slowly seeing more light as they passed the shark. “Uh-oh,” said the tuna.
“What?” the bear said.
“We used to overpower sharks as a humongous school and then eat them.”
“What? Why?”
“Do you know how delicious sharks are?”
But the shark was getting closer.
Chapter 4
Sploosh! A boat came falling from the sky and hit the water. “Great! Now our dangerous voyage will be with a real-life boat!” says the bear. He jumped up onto the boat with tuna in his hands.
“Wait! I don't breathe the air!” said the fish.
“Sure you do! It's air! it's everywhere!” said the bear
“Carry on without me, friend. Bye, cruel world.” Sothe tuna died
Chapter 5
“No!” The bear said, but this couldn't get in the way. He must finish his voyage. The boat must have been a century-old. It was rusted. Something caught his eye, a question mark was spray-painted onto the stairs. Mr. Rudy bear walked up the stairs and touch the paint. No. It's still wet. He thought. This was new. Somebody was on the boat.
Chapter 6
Out from the shadows a shark with a question mark on its stomach came out. “Well well well. What do we have here?”The shark said.
The bear charged at the shark. “Get off my ship!” the bear yelled. The shark bit off the polar bear’s paw before he kicked the shark into the water. Blood stained the boat. But then he realized the shark was after the tuna in his hands.
Chapter 7
There was a hole in the ship. The shark bit a hole in it. How could I have forgotten that sharks breathe underwater, bear thought. The boat was slowly sinking and the boat’s life was soon coming to an end. Small tears rolled down his cheeks. This is the End, isn't it?
Chapter 8
Wait! Polar bears can swim, can't they? Mr. Rudy Bear said. “I'd rather take my chances with sharks.” Mr. bear spotted an ice chunk over the side of the boat. He made an epic jump in slow-mo and landed on the ice. This is no ordinary ice! This was mine filled ice! “Better avoid the bombs!” Mr. Bear paddled fast for Antarctica.
Chapter 9
In the end, Mr. Rudy Bear sat in his ice chair, reading a book. He was back home. It was good. He lost a friend and an arm, almost died on a sinking boat. Yet everything was good. Except for one thing, he lived in the North Pole, not Antarctica. Whoops!
Chapter 1
Mr. Rudy bear was tied up in the fishing net. He had to think fast. He took his bloody claws out and ripped the net. But now all the fish escaped in one school and converged on him. All he could see was wet, beedy fish eyes. But little did he know that a bloodthirsty shark was coming his way, wanting to eat his bloody Paws. Wanting to eat everything.
Chapter 2
“Oh my goodness! Could it be?” said Mr. Rudy.
“No of course not! It... Sharks don't live here, do they?” said one of the tuna fish.
“Hey fish. Let's be friends and help each other on the dangerous voyage back home!” Mr. Bear said.
“But this is my home,” said the fish.
“Too bad. Friends or not, you're coming with me!” and he shoved the fish into his pocket.
Chapter 3
They swam up together, slowly seeing more light as they passed the shark. “Uh-oh,” said the tuna.
“What?” the bear said.
“We used to overpower sharks as a humongous school and then eat them.”
“What? Why?”
“Do you know how delicious sharks are?”
But the shark was getting closer.
Chapter 4
Sploosh! A boat came falling from the sky and hit the water. “Great! Now our dangerous voyage will be with a real-life boat!” says the bear. He jumped up onto the boat with tuna in his hands.
“Wait! I don't breathe the air!” said the fish.
“Sure you do! It's air! it's everywhere!” said the bear
“Carry on without me, friend. Bye, cruel world.” Sothe tuna died
Chapter 5
“No!” The bear said, but this couldn't get in the way. He must finish his voyage. The boat must have been a century-old. It was rusted. Something caught his eye, a question mark was spray-painted onto the stairs. Mr. Rudy bear walked up the stairs and touch the paint. No. It's still wet. He thought. This was new. Somebody was on the boat.
Chapter 6
Out from the shadows a shark with a question mark on its stomach came out. “Well well well. What do we have here?”The shark said.
The bear charged at the shark. “Get off my ship!” the bear yelled. The shark bit off the polar bear’s paw before he kicked the shark into the water. Blood stained the boat. But then he realized the shark was after the tuna in his hands.
Chapter 7
There was a hole in the ship. The shark bit a hole in it. How could I have forgotten that sharks breathe underwater, bear thought. The boat was slowly sinking and the boat’s life was soon coming to an end. Small tears rolled down his cheeks. This is the End, isn't it?
Chapter 8
Wait! Polar bears can swim, can't they? Mr. Rudy Bear said. “I'd rather take my chances with sharks.” Mr. bear spotted an ice chunk over the side of the boat. He made an epic jump in slow-mo and landed on the ice. This is no ordinary ice! This was mine filled ice! “Better avoid the bombs!” Mr. Bear paddled fast for Antarctica.
Chapter 9
In the end, Mr. Rudy Bear sat in his ice chair, reading a book. He was back home. It was good. He lost a friend and an arm, almost died on a sinking boat. Yet everything was good. Except for one thing, he lived in the North Pole, not Antarctica. Whoops!
