RIO's November E-Zine
ALL the Randomness!
RIO Learns Spoken Word With Beth McBreen
Nouns by Robin Bowering
Nouns: dog cat brain salad potato fire fire water
Recipe for Happiness by Ana Malick
3/4 of a cat
200 cats
40 pounds of chocolates
1000 books
1 turtle
1 VERY large dog
1 Netflix channel
10 fluffy blankets
1 tea kettle
700 tea leaves
4 friends
Yes, that's all I need for 1 happy me.
200 cats
40 pounds of chocolates
1000 books
1 turtle
1 VERY large dog
1 Netflix channel
10 fluffy blankets
1 tea kettle
700 tea leaves
4 friends
Yes, that's all I need for 1 happy me.
Love Letter to a Lamp by Caelon Nichol, Delaney Nichol, Ana Malick, Robin Bowering, and Kim Firmston
I love lava lamps
Llama lamps
lampa lambs
You light up stuff
Enjoyed by all sheep
I lova lamps
I also like cats
But kittens more
On second thought
I don't really like lamps
Good by lamp.
Llama lamps
lampa lambs
You light up stuff
Enjoyed by all sheep
I lova lamps
I also like cats
But kittens more
On second thought
I don't really like lamps
Good by lamp.
My Voice by Robin Bowering
My voice tastes like shattered mirrors reflecting the darkened moon.
My voice feels like the Sea, its own fickle beast.
My voice feels like the Sea, its own fickle beast.
Nouns and Verbs by Ana Malick.
Nouns
cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats potatoes
Verbs
pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats READ cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet potatoes
cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats cats potatoes
Verbs
pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats READ cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet cats pet potatoes
Recipe for Happiness by Robin Bowering
4 breaths of fresh air
16 Broken dream repair guides
1 field with rising spring
16 Broken dream repair guides
1 field with rising spring
My Voice by Ana Malick
My voice sounds like Thursday.
My voice smells like Moo.
My voice looks like Taco.
My voice tastes like Starfish.
My voice feels like Potato
My voice smells like Moo.
My voice looks like Taco.
My voice tastes like Starfish.
My voice feels like Potato
What has Pen and Panel Cartooning club been up to?
You might regret asking that:
Tim the Flumph
By Andrew Harry John Finch the third (no joke)
(Pronounced: Fff-lum-pff)
A Flumph is a supernatural creature that has been imbued with the power of the Sad Volley Ball. They can appear in many places at once, they can take the roll of a principle, Sasquatch, police chief, gourmet chef, demolition expert, and so on. From his appearance, Tim would seem to be a large furry creature with a unibrow, sad eyes, a droopy moustache, and an unkempt haircut. If you look closer, you see that his feet and tail are covered in shiny scales, and that small horns poke out from beneath his thick hair, hinting to the fact that Tim may be more than he appears. What lies underneath that soft layer of fur? Is Tim hiding something? Why does he look so very sad? Many mysteries surround Tim, and it is a wonder if we will ever learn them all.
A Flumph is a supernatural creature that has been imbued with the power of the Sad Volley Ball. They can appear in many places at once, they can take the roll of a principle, Sasquatch, police chief, gourmet chef, demolition expert, and so on. From his appearance, Tim would seem to be a large furry creature with a unibrow, sad eyes, a droopy moustache, and an unkempt haircut. If you look closer, you see that his feet and tail are covered in shiny scales, and that small horns poke out from beneath his thick hair, hinting to the fact that Tim may be more than he appears. What lies underneath that soft layer of fur? Is Tim hiding something? Why does he look so very sad? Many mysteries surround Tim, and it is a wonder if we will ever learn them all.
RIO Learns How To Write Historical Fiction with Brett Morrison
A story based on the H. H. Holmes Murder Castle
by Teighan Jones
Street lamps glowing, illuminating the rain pouring in silver sheets. Soaked, we ran towards the sign that read Hotel. The door squealed open rusty and old. The inside was far more inviting, warmth making our dripping clothes stream slightly.
The man behind the desk seemed nice enough, his smile kind and crinkled eyes hidden under a hat. He was smartly dressed and tipped his head politely when we entered.
He asked if we wanted a room, noticing us shivering and sleep heavy. My companion nodded thankfully and before we knew it, the two of us were rushed off. We climbed a set of stairs, silent under our fee. the paint along the walls was not peeling and the handles on the doors still glowed golden bronze.
The man lead us down a hallway o our room, where he invited us in and slowly closed the door. Curiously, I heard the click of the lock. Exhausted, my companion and I slumped down onto the bed and immediately fell asleep.
It was close to day when I finally woke Bleary shapes moved around me, humming. There was a sharp shink of metal on metal and then a scream. All the sleep let my eyes and I struggled to sit up. I found myself unable to, great leather straps across my neck, chest, and legs.
The man behind the desk seemed nice enough, his smile kind and crinkled eyes hidden under a hat. He was smartly dressed and tipped his head politely when we entered.
He asked if we wanted a room, noticing us shivering and sleep heavy. My companion nodded thankfully and before we knew it, the two of us were rushed off. We climbed a set of stairs, silent under our fee. the paint along the walls was not peeling and the handles on the doors still glowed golden bronze.
The man lead us down a hallway o our room, where he invited us in and slowly closed the door. Curiously, I heard the click of the lock. Exhausted, my companion and I slumped down onto the bed and immediately fell asleep.
It was close to day when I finally woke Bleary shapes moved around me, humming. There was a sharp shink of metal on metal and then a scream. All the sleep let my eyes and I struggled to sit up. I found myself unable to, great leather straps across my neck, chest, and legs.
Rise Anew / Lord of Death / Big Bad Vlad
(a poem based Vlad the Impailer) by Andrew Finch
A prince that fears the end
Plotting to evade the unavoidable
Hatching a plan, dealing with the devil
Murder, death, and deeds darker still
Plotting to evade the unavoidable
Ruling, tyrannical, dictating, unstoppable
Falling to the hand of death, only to rise anew
Evading the unavoidable
Plotting to evade the unavoidable
Hatching a plan, dealing with the devil
Murder, death, and deeds darker still
Plotting to evade the unavoidable
Ruling, tyrannical, dictating, unstoppable
Falling to the hand of death, only to rise anew
Evading the unavoidable
A Story Based on Countess Elizabeth Báthory
by Emily Firmston and Alexis Kelly
So, here I am. Trapped in chains, waiting to die. This would be ironic, considering her name is Bathory, but this isn't the tie to be thinking of such things as name puns. I have bee tortured for days now. It is agonizing and annoying to sit here as I know what comes next. I hear the demoness walking down the stairs, her footsteps sending chills down my spine. I think today is my last, may the torture is finally over and I can be a calming bath of blood. I squeeze my eyes shut, anticipating the end.
Internal Dialogue based on a Historic Murderer
by Emily Firmston, Maxine Bennett, and Kim Firmston
"Why?"
"Think of all the lovely noises."
"It's the noises that torture me."
"The ones you hear now. But they'll all go quiet and you'll have new music. As soon as they're quiet."
"As soon as they're quiet . . ."
"Good. Get the knife."
"the knife might not do the trick."
"It's a start. You're strong enough to start with it. Where's our gun?"
"What's that noise? Is it her?"
"She's in the way. Always in the way."
"Go down this hallway. We can get to them before she does. We can stop the noise."
"Quickly now. Watch the lamp. Not ta board, it squeaks."
"Take the lamp. Use the lamp. There they are. Quietly, quietly.
"Think of all the lovely noises."
"It's the noises that torture me."
"The ones you hear now. But they'll all go quiet and you'll have new music. As soon as they're quiet."
"As soon as they're quiet . . ."
"Good. Get the knife."
"the knife might not do the trick."
"It's a start. You're strong enough to start with it. Where's our gun?"
"What's that noise? Is it her?"
"She's in the way. Always in the way."
"Go down this hallway. We can get to them before she does. We can stop the noise."
"Quickly now. Watch the lamp. Not ta board, it squeaks."
"Take the lamp. Use the lamp. There they are. Quietly, quietly.
The Wilder West
A Wheel of Genre Story by RIO
The sun blazed across the sand that day. Not a cloud was in sight when the two men galloped toward their goal. In the middle of the sand, there in the ground, the men's goal lay. It seemed as big as Mars. Unfortunately, Wyatte Earp and Doc Holliday were gaurding the goal. Suddenly a giant snake jumped out of the sand and killed Wyatt Earp by making him act like Justin Bieber. Wyatt used his cell phone to call Doc Holliday, who was still beside him, and ask him if he wanted to join him for an adventure. Doc Holliday agreed and revived Wyat Earp. To celebrate their victory Earp and Doc make a toast of maple syrup. The syrup explodes. Sergeant Preston of Yukon rushes in with his husky and saves the day using a fire extinguisher. Meanwhile inside the pit which was the goal a very small clown car arrives. Out of it pours a million strong legion of kamikaze clowns. The clowns in their drama masks of the theatre laugh, then cry, then laugh, then cry, then laugh. The kamikaze clowns attack Wyatt Earp. Anne Frank arrives to teach peace and love with weapons along with Sergeant Preston of the Yukon and his husky. Everyone uses lasers and no one hits anything.
RIO WRITES
The Puppet Master by Andrew Finch
Puppets hanging in a line, dancing for their master,
Moving, swinging, round and round, turning ever faster,
As he makes the puppets dance, the master whispers in their heads:
“Follow, obey, conform to my way, and dangle by my threads.”
The puppets dance all the quicker, eager to do their Master’s will
Yet as they turn and twist, their hopes grow ever nil,
The master is never pleased with their dance, and he never will be,
But the puppets keep on dancing, unable to see,
That their master is never happy, and his mind changes like the wind,
The master is never satisfied; you’ll never see him grin,
But the puppets keep on dancing, unaware of their strife,
And if they don’t learn, they will remain trapped for life,
Their master is called society, the greatest puppet master of them all,
He will never let his puppets go, and he will never catch them when they fall.
Moving, swinging, round and round, turning ever faster,
As he makes the puppets dance, the master whispers in their heads:
“Follow, obey, conform to my way, and dangle by my threads.”
The puppets dance all the quicker, eager to do their Master’s will
Yet as they turn and twist, their hopes grow ever nil,
The master is never pleased with their dance, and he never will be,
But the puppets keep on dancing, unable to see,
That their master is never happy, and his mind changes like the wind,
The master is never satisfied; you’ll never see him grin,
But the puppets keep on dancing, unaware of their strife,
And if they don’t learn, they will remain trapped for life,
Their master is called society, the greatest puppet master of them all,
He will never let his puppets go, and he will never catch them when they fall.
A Dialogue By Dawsynn R. Meier
ME: OMG! I JUST USED TEXT TALK! THIS IS A VERY ORIGINAL IDEA! I LOVE IT! CAPS ARE STILL ON! WHY? WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?
Timmy: You are slowly getting more insane and I think more murderous...
ME: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT TIMMY??? I AM COMPLETELY NORMAL!
Timmy: Sure, you are wolf...
ME: THAT'S MY ROBLOX NAME! WHY YOU CALL ME BY MY ONLINE GAME ACCOUNT?
Timmy: That the only place I ever show up... glued to your shoulder... on a video game...
ME: TIMMY! SHUT UP!
Timmy: Wolf.. You need help...
ME: STOP CALLING ME WOLF! (Tapes Timmy's mouth shut) THERE!
Timmy: Hmmm... Muuu... Mmmmm...
ME: HA! TOO BAD, TOO SAD, TIMMY! WAIT THIS WAS SOME WEIRD SEPARATE STORY??? NO! TURN THAT CAMERA OFF! RIGHT NOW! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Timmy: You are slowly getting more insane and I think more murderous...
ME: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT TIMMY??? I AM COMPLETELY NORMAL!
Timmy: Sure, you are wolf...
ME: THAT'S MY ROBLOX NAME! WHY YOU CALL ME BY MY ONLINE GAME ACCOUNT?
Timmy: That the only place I ever show up... glued to your shoulder... on a video game...
ME: TIMMY! SHUT UP!
Timmy: Wolf.. You need help...
ME: STOP CALLING ME WOLF! (Tapes Timmy's mouth shut) THERE!
Timmy: Hmmm... Muuu... Mmmmm...
ME: HA! TOO BAD, TOO SAD, TIMMY! WAIT THIS WAS SOME WEIRD SEPARATE STORY??? NO! TURN THAT CAMERA OFF! RIGHT NOW! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
A Joke by Ana Malick
Q: What's a pirate's favourite letter?
A: You'd think it was R but really it's C!
A: You'd think it was R but really it's C!
Code RED By Dawsynn R. Meier
Prologue
The Only Way Of Life
We are in the 35th century and now, there is a new way of living.
Sure, this was meant to make everyone's life better, but, like all inventions, had its flaws. Minor flaws or major flaws, people learned to let it slide.
What am I talking about? Oh, just the ‘best’ invention yet, LGL, or the, Laser Guide for Life. They seem useless at first, but can come in much help.
They are a little red laser that moves where it wants without any sort of source for it to come from. It moves around and puts itself on top of what you need to do, or what it wants you to do.
Yes, that sounds like it could be dangerous in a way, but they have no way of forcing you to do it.
It can come in handy for teaching children how to live while mom and dad are gone.
If you forget something, it can tell you, if you want something, it will show you where about it is.
This seems now like a nifty little invention so far, am i correct? Well, you haven’t heard the half of it, it also can TALK, yes, a little red laser can TALK.
It has a different voice for everyone, and it responds as if it is a real life person. So, for instance, if you said, ‘I don’t need it’ then it will simply reply by saying ‘ok’ or just come back to you. They also have different personalities as well, so they all respond a little bit different.
That's not it, they also can come up from flat on the ground like a light, to a little, floating, red ball, and it doesn’t just have to be red. You can also go and get their colour changed.
You can also buy little accessories for them. Does that seem, now, a little bit odd, but yet, still kind of nifty?
Well, now, when you are born, you instantly get one, and so that means, everyone, has one.
And to people, it is, their best friend.
Now, it is the only way of life, from now on.
The Only Way Of Life
We are in the 35th century and now, there is a new way of living.
Sure, this was meant to make everyone's life better, but, like all inventions, had its flaws. Minor flaws or major flaws, people learned to let it slide.
What am I talking about? Oh, just the ‘best’ invention yet, LGL, or the, Laser Guide for Life. They seem useless at first, but can come in much help.
They are a little red laser that moves where it wants without any sort of source for it to come from. It moves around and puts itself on top of what you need to do, or what it wants you to do.
Yes, that sounds like it could be dangerous in a way, but they have no way of forcing you to do it.
It can come in handy for teaching children how to live while mom and dad are gone.
If you forget something, it can tell you, if you want something, it will show you where about it is.
This seems now like a nifty little invention so far, am i correct? Well, you haven’t heard the half of it, it also can TALK, yes, a little red laser can TALK.
It has a different voice for everyone, and it responds as if it is a real life person. So, for instance, if you said, ‘I don’t need it’ then it will simply reply by saying ‘ok’ or just come back to you. They also have different personalities as well, so they all respond a little bit different.
That's not it, they also can come up from flat on the ground like a light, to a little, floating, red ball, and it doesn’t just have to be red. You can also go and get their colour changed.
You can also buy little accessories for them. Does that seem, now, a little bit odd, but yet, still kind of nifty?
Well, now, when you are born, you instantly get one, and so that means, everyone, has one.
And to people, it is, their best friend.
Now, it is the only way of life, from now on.
RIO Does Anime - A High School Goat Drama
by Andrew Finch, Emily Firmston, Alexis Kelly, Em Williamson, Mary Innes, and Teighan Jones
Theme music starts the show. It' s a favourite called Sakura Connect ~ Butter Toast Morning. You wonder if they maybe could have found a better translator.
Sakura Connect ~ Butter Toast Morning
Keep in try
Do best your
My world the monocube
Is out of the contols
Why me
Don erase him
I can feel the sanity slip egg
My mind is on cliff
Float away
Bye-bye
Monocube is eternity
Sakura Connect ~ Butter Toast Morning
Keep in try
Do best your
My world the monocube
Is out of the contols
Why me
Don erase him
I can feel the sanity slip egg
My mind is on cliff
Float away
Bye-bye
Monocube is eternity
You, a new student, face the high school. After getting knocked into by some strange toast running contest, you try to enter but are blocked by an upperclassman who engages you in an epic pun battle:
You newbies better make like a tree and LEAF
I can't. I'm ROOTED to the spot.
Don't FOREST us to kick your butt!
I don't think you WOOD.
You're SAPPING our patience
Oh, come on! I just want to have some FUNGI.
You CHLOROPHYLL me with hatred.
Stop BEAN that way
Come on in. Why KNOT
I LICHEN your suggestion
It turns out that today is class president election day. You have a listen to all the candidates speeches. You aren't sure who to vote for.
You newbies better make like a tree and LEAF
I can't. I'm ROOTED to the spot.
Don't FOREST us to kick your butt!
I don't think you WOOD.
You're SAPPING our patience
Oh, come on! I just want to have some FUNGI.
You CHLOROPHYLL me with hatred.
Stop BEAN that way
Come on in. Why KNOT
I LICHEN your suggestion
It turns out that today is class president election day. You have a listen to all the candidates speeches. You aren't sure who to vote for.
First up - Ai Sukiama, 6'4", with pink hair and blue eyes. He gives the following speech.
Wouldn't you love, love, love me to be your class president? I loves sakura and spring. I can fill your hearts with love and kawaii. I loves sashimi - both the lady and ht e delicious sushi. I also loves neko. I loves inu too. An i loves you! You my class, I loves you! With all the love in my all too loving heart of love. Choose me you kawaii students, you senseis, you lovely senpais, and all you other people. Choose me, the loveliest class president you can have.
Wouldn't you love, love, love me to be your class president? I loves sakura and spring. I can fill your hearts with love and kawaii. I loves sashimi - both the lady and ht e delicious sushi. I also loves neko. I loves inu too. An i loves you! You my class, I loves you! With all the love in my all too loving heart of love. Choose me you kawaii students, you senseis, you lovely senpais, and all you other people. Choose me, the loveliest class president you can have.
Next to speak is a kid who everyone calls Anime Pin-Head but whose actual name appears to be Nicholas Fredricton. He claims to be an anarchist, Zac Efon blog creator, and loves singing about Monocube (a game you haven't yet become familiar with).
As president I promise to implement the following things:
As president I promise to implement the following things:
- Bring your goat to school day.
- More lunch.
- A polkadotted school uniform.
- No seafood.
- To promote activism in goat-school alliance.
- More school dances (DISCO)!
Error. . . No Picture Available (due to demonic forces)
Hikari Yamitsuki (Dark Moonlight) is a brooding fellow who appears to have broken the camera. Hmm. He would make an interesting class president. Here is his speech.
Welcome fellow esteemed students. Now follow all the rules or I will summon my blue eyes white dragon to destroy your souls. The shadow realm does not forgive puny mortals. Now excuse me while I go sandpaper my throat, my blue eyes white dragon jet is waiting.
(at this point he drops the mic, flies away in a jet pack with a sweet dub step remix with evil laughter and coughing playing in the background).
Welcome fellow esteemed students. Now follow all the rules or I will summon my blue eyes white dragon to destroy your souls. The shadow realm does not forgive puny mortals. Now excuse me while I go sandpaper my throat, my blue eyes white dragon jet is waiting.
(at this point he drops the mic, flies away in a jet pack with a sweet dub step remix with evil laughter and coughing playing in the background).
Throughout the day you find that this new school of yours has two official sports - the one you were run over by in the morning - Toast Running, and a more violent game called Monocube. You are encouraged to learn them both.
Toast Running
This is a competitive kawaii toast morning run. The rules are simple:
- If you lose your toast you're out.
- Your toast needs to stay in your face the whole way.
- You need to arrive at school on time.
- You should always strive to improve your time.
The game's chant goes something like this:
"Prepare to get toasty, kawaii neko chans!"
- If you lose your toast you're out.
- Your toast needs to stay in your face the whole way.
- You need to arrive at school on time.
- You should always strive to improve your time.
The game's chant goes something like this:
"Prepare to get toasty, kawaii neko chans!"
Monocube
This game is played in teams of 8 people with five teams all competing at once.
The goal of the game is to whip around a cube on a string and take people out while skateboarding. Just be warned - every time you hit an opposing player, your cube gets smaller.
The players do wear helmets but as far as you can tell, they are more for fashion than protection.
The audience chants: "Goat Team! Goat Team! Grab your toast in your teeth! Monocube!"
The slogan for monocube is: We eat our enemies or breakfast.
Your school's monocube team is called The Rosy Hooves
GOAT TEAM!
The goal of the game is to whip around a cube on a string and take people out while skateboarding. Just be warned - every time you hit an opposing player, your cube gets smaller.
The players do wear helmets but as far as you can tell, they are more for fashion than protection.
The audience chants: "Goat Team! Goat Team! Grab your toast in your teeth! Monocube!"
The slogan for monocube is: We eat our enemies or breakfast.
Your school's monocube team is called The Rosy Hooves
GOAT TEAM!