RIO's APRIL E-ZINE
MELT THAT SNOW WITH WEIRDNESS!
Super Hero Speed Dating
At RIO we have our own super team. They might be good guys. They might be bad guys. They are most definitely called in once ALL the other options are long gone. But they're ours and they need a little love. So we set them up for a bit of Super Hero Speed Dating. Here are the results:
Malla
A woman with the ability to read minds. She wears plaid spandex and likes books, being a consulting detective, and cookies. She dislikes idiots, boring stuff, and babies. She is looking for a romantic encounter with a sexy dwarf.
One Direction Guy
A man with super strength and enhanced thievery. He wears red spandex and likes One Direction, Larry L3, and bassoons. He dislikes The Wanted, Elounor, and Spoons. He is looking for a hairy fun bun with an amazing accent and a YouTube channel.
UnMan
A man with X-ray powers in purple spandex. He likes Minecraft, RIO, and women. He dislikes people stronger than him. Looking for money and a woman (preferably a hot super model type).
Mr. Pie
Mr. Pie is a woman with additional limbs often seen wearing plaid spandex. She likes pie, pi, and the sign for pi. She dislikes anything that isn't pie. She is looking for someone with large amounts of pumpkin pie reserves.
X-Tree
A girl who can turn into a plant with X-Ray vision. She wears green spandex and likes vegetables (especially potatoes), cat videos online, and comic con. She dislikes pine beetles, socalizing, and people. She is looking for a smart man.
Cerveza
Cerveza is a female vampire in plaid. She likes ice cream and hates cheese, insanity, and wet wipes. She is looking for ice cream.
Malla
A woman with the ability to read minds. She wears plaid spandex and likes books, being a consulting detective, and cookies. She dislikes idiots, boring stuff, and babies. She is looking for a romantic encounter with a sexy dwarf.
One Direction Guy
A man with super strength and enhanced thievery. He wears red spandex and likes One Direction, Larry L3, and bassoons. He dislikes The Wanted, Elounor, and Spoons. He is looking for a hairy fun bun with an amazing accent and a YouTube channel.
UnMan
A man with X-ray powers in purple spandex. He likes Minecraft, RIO, and women. He dislikes people stronger than him. Looking for money and a woman (preferably a hot super model type).
Mr. Pie
Mr. Pie is a woman with additional limbs often seen wearing plaid spandex. She likes pie, pi, and the sign for pi. She dislikes anything that isn't pie. She is looking for someone with large amounts of pumpkin pie reserves.
X-Tree
A girl who can turn into a plant with X-Ray vision. She wears green spandex and likes vegetables (especially potatoes), cat videos online, and comic con. She dislikes pine beetles, socalizing, and people. She is looking for a smart man.
Cerveza
Cerveza is a female vampire in plaid. She likes ice cream and hates cheese, insanity, and wet wipes. She is looking for ice cream.
What cats do when you're not looking:
These two comics (above and below) were also published on www.boiledcat.com - hours of mind blowing entertainment! (Check them out there).
A Lonely Song By Mary InnesWhen we first met, we could’ve stayed forever,
So far away, alone together. I’ve had the time of my life, better because it had to end, Golden days under the sun, never thought I’d make so many friends. A week is such a long-short time, But I can’t get Friday off my mind. I’m missing you before you’ve even left. Chorus So tell me, why can’t we stay, Why do you have to go away. You’ve got wanderlust, are traveling To places I can’t ever hope to go So I’ll check the mailbox everyday, And be waiting when you come home. Everyone is so far away, even in the same city, Don’t forget me, no matter how long the journey be. I need to move got things to do, but I’m stuck here away from you. Hear children playing outside my door, But I can’t move anymore. I’m missing you when you’ve only been gone a day. |
Chorus We’ll meet again, I promise you, In a year or to maybe at school. We’ll rendez-vous years later, On a road trip down to Montana. But sitting here all by myself, Take down the picture from the shelf. I realize we never said goodbye. Chorus I don’t wan to let your memory fade, Don’t want to think that things could change. So even though there’s nothing to do, know that I am missing you. And would give away a thousand days So you could Tell me why we can’t stay, Why you have to go away. And remember this, if nothing else I’ll be waiting, without a doubt. Waiting when you come home. |
Dead by Lelainna Dahl
Dead inside as I watch you walk away.
You make me weak and hollow
Do you walk away to taunt and tease?
Dead inside as I see you lying so still.
You make me week and hollow.
Do you lie so still to taunt and tease?
Dead inside as I watch you die.
You make me weak and hollow.
Do you die to taunt and tease?
Dead inside
Dead inside
You make me weak and hollow
Do you walk away to taunt and tease?
Dead inside as I see you lying so still.
You make me week and hollow.
Do you lie so still to taunt and tease?
Dead inside as I watch you die.
You make me weak and hollow.
Do you die to taunt and tease?
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dinosaura
What is dinosaura? It is the study of dinosaurs and prehistoric animals from other times and dimensions. We at RIO take paleontology to a who new level. Here are some of our discoveries:
The Metallic Woolly Mammoth
The metallic woolly mammoth is an improved breed of the original woolly mammoth. Its bones are composed of completely solid iron. It moves sluggishly because of its heavy skeletal frame. The metallic woolly mammoth rusts quickly and is easy prey for multiple predators. In fact they will go extinct faster than the original woolly mammoth. It's not so improved at all really.
A study of the tusk of the Celestian Dream Sucker
This is a tusk of a Celestian Dream Sucker. The tusk is the only stable material of its complex make up. Everything else is made of astronomical collections and traces of long dead stars. It lives in the depths of the Interspace and, as the name describes, it eats the dreams of human children and other living creatures.
Unicornadon
Discovered in the dimension of Ninicornia, it eats chocolate mustaches. It moves gracefully and crushes everything in its path. (Including the guy who tried to take a picture of it).
Badlydrawnadon
It lived in rocks and trees. He ate the dust of ages, Girdlesauri, and tapestries. He morphs into attractive British people. He was a fat thingy with stubby toes. He reproduced by spitting at each other's faces 17 times. He also pooped leprechauns and eventually died out.
Girdlesaurus
From the dimension of Pantstopia, the Girdlesaurus lives in a dark, stinky, subterranean environment. It feeds off of underground fungus. It's primary predator is the Hallucinosaurus, which tricks the Girdlesaurus into drowning itself. The Girdlesaurus spends most of its time underground as the light will burn his eyes out due to the effects of the fungus he eats.
The Metallic Woolly Mammoth
The metallic woolly mammoth is an improved breed of the original woolly mammoth. Its bones are composed of completely solid iron. It moves sluggishly because of its heavy skeletal frame. The metallic woolly mammoth rusts quickly and is easy prey for multiple predators. In fact they will go extinct faster than the original woolly mammoth. It's not so improved at all really.
A study of the tusk of the Celestian Dream Sucker
This is a tusk of a Celestian Dream Sucker. The tusk is the only stable material of its complex make up. Everything else is made of astronomical collections and traces of long dead stars. It lives in the depths of the Interspace and, as the name describes, it eats the dreams of human children and other living creatures.
Unicornadon
Discovered in the dimension of Ninicornia, it eats chocolate mustaches. It moves gracefully and crushes everything in its path. (Including the guy who tried to take a picture of it).
Badlydrawnadon
It lived in rocks and trees. He ate the dust of ages, Girdlesauri, and tapestries. He morphs into attractive British people. He was a fat thingy with stubby toes. He reproduced by spitting at each other's faces 17 times. He also pooped leprechauns and eventually died out.
Girdlesaurus
From the dimension of Pantstopia, the Girdlesaurus lives in a dark, stinky, subterranean environment. It feeds off of underground fungus. It's primary predator is the Hallucinosaurus, which tricks the Girdlesaurus into drowning itself. The Girdlesaurus spends most of its time underground as the light will burn his eyes out due to the effects of the fungus he eats.