Reality is Optional
Spring E-zine
A time of road slushies
(RIO does not support the consumption of said treats as they do not meet the health code reflected by our three band-aids)
Pass n' Fold Stories by the RIO Online Group
WARNING: Story #3 contains one swear. Please read based on your own comfort level.
I got down on one knee for my big moment and fumbled in my pocket for the ring, but I have always been terrible at multi-tasking, so I lost my balance and tumbled unromantically into the frog-filled lagoon. The ring drifted away from me and slowly sank to the bottom of the lagoon and I earned myself a mouthful of frog-infested water as I dove for the ring I saw an array of colourful fish. As I looked deep into their depthless eyes, I felt something I had never felt before: connection, unity, oneness. At that moment I simply knew that I would be able to breathe underwater. I inhaled and it worked. Looking down where my legs should have been, I saw, not to my surprise, a glimmering fish's tail. I was what I always knew myself to be- a mermaid. I gasped and flicked my new tail back and forth. I inhaled the icy cold water with my surprisingly un-wet nostrils and swam in several circles, my hair perfectly normal as usual. My nails were not so lucky, dirt and slime and... tadpole insides, I knew this was my destiny but I never thought it would happen like this, and I definitely didn't expect it to be this early. The end.
You hear a loud crackle as the fire burns in the stove you try to turn around to find something to put it out but then you feel it come out before you can say anything, you have no choice but to let it rip, it is stinky. Then you are on fire, and everything is on fire and all you remember is Sparky the Firedog saying, "Stop, drop, and roll." So you run outside and roll for your life, forgetting that your house is on a cliff, and now you are falling through the air as your life flashes before your eyes.You scream, the sound of a dying animal and suddenly somebody carried you, piggy back style. You gazed into their beautiful eyes and realized who it was. As you stare you don’t even register the sudden drop and bone-shattering scream, your scream. Of course it was fake, you should have known. Then you are left gasping for breath face down on the ground. Your limbs are broken but you couldn't feel it. Yet. You gasp as you felt your own ribs crackle and splinter. Then the pain became real. You shriek and scream as loudly as you can but people just walk past without a second glance. The end.
Green, sticky slime oozed around the area, containing the smell of rottenasparagus. Just when you losing hope someone bursts through the door demanding what the smell is, you don't think twice before you bolt it to the door and lock it behind you, karma is a B****. You run to escape out the back and have to break a window. At the top of your lungs you scream, "Whoever smelt it dealt it!" and then you walk casually to the nearest coffee shop and order a glass of water, to the horror of the other patrons. You sip your h2o nonchalantly, hoping no one notices your mussed-up hair, and congratulate yourself on having done it again. You suddenly tripped over something and fell face first into a crate. Then, somebody closed the lid and cackled evilly. The h20 spilled all over yourself and you instantally banged your head on the top of the crate. Were you being kidnapped? Why H2o? Where were they taking me? Why me? Then someone covered my mouth with a cloth and asked, "Does this smell like chloroform?" And that is the last thing I remember.
I got down on one knee for my big moment and fumbled in my pocket for the ring, but I have always been terrible at multi-tasking, so I lost my balance and tumbled unromantically into the frog-filled lagoon. The ring drifted away from me and slowly sank to the bottom of the lagoon and I earned myself a mouthful of frog-infested water as I dove for the ring I saw an array of colourful fish. As I looked deep into their depthless eyes, I felt something I had never felt before: connection, unity, oneness. At that moment I simply knew that I would be able to breathe underwater. I inhaled and it worked. Looking down where my legs should have been, I saw, not to my surprise, a glimmering fish's tail. I was what I always knew myself to be- a mermaid. I gasped and flicked my new tail back and forth. I inhaled the icy cold water with my surprisingly un-wet nostrils and swam in several circles, my hair perfectly normal as usual. My nails were not so lucky, dirt and slime and... tadpole insides, I knew this was my destiny but I never thought it would happen like this, and I definitely didn't expect it to be this early. The end.
You hear a loud crackle as the fire burns in the stove you try to turn around to find something to put it out but then you feel it come out before you can say anything, you have no choice but to let it rip, it is stinky. Then you are on fire, and everything is on fire and all you remember is Sparky the Firedog saying, "Stop, drop, and roll." So you run outside and roll for your life, forgetting that your house is on a cliff, and now you are falling through the air as your life flashes before your eyes.You scream, the sound of a dying animal and suddenly somebody carried you, piggy back style. You gazed into their beautiful eyes and realized who it was. As you stare you don’t even register the sudden drop and bone-shattering scream, your scream. Of course it was fake, you should have known. Then you are left gasping for breath face down on the ground. Your limbs are broken but you couldn't feel it. Yet. You gasp as you felt your own ribs crackle and splinter. Then the pain became real. You shriek and scream as loudly as you can but people just walk past without a second glance. The end.
Green, sticky slime oozed around the area, containing the smell of rottenasparagus. Just when you losing hope someone bursts through the door demanding what the smell is, you don't think twice before you bolt it to the door and lock it behind you, karma is a B****. You run to escape out the back and have to break a window. At the top of your lungs you scream, "Whoever smelt it dealt it!" and then you walk casually to the nearest coffee shop and order a glass of water, to the horror of the other patrons. You sip your h2o nonchalantly, hoping no one notices your mussed-up hair, and congratulate yourself on having done it again. You suddenly tripped over something and fell face first into a crate. Then, somebody closed the lid and cackled evilly. The h20 spilled all over yourself and you instantally banged your head on the top of the crate. Were you being kidnapped? Why H2o? Where were they taking me? Why me? Then someone covered my mouth with a cloth and asked, "Does this smell like chloroform?" And that is the last thing I remember.
Late That Night by Celia Stephenson
Floating down a river in a huge lily pad lit by fireflies may seem like a dream come true. But for me, it just meant hours and hours of slow moving traffic. If the river wasn’t filled with frogs, I may have arrived at miss Doornob’s house three hours earlier. I could have walked, but I would have tired out in minutes. I don’t have much stamina. This way however, I didn’t need to use any muscles, if you can call them that, at all. I just float, taking in my surroundings and humming to myself.
And even with the frogs, I eventually spotted the moss covered cabin. She had a cauldron outside, probably cooking Catstew. I moored the boat and nimbly climbed out onto the wet grass. My feet almost sunk in it, making it much more difficult to walk. I made my way over to the cauldron, and sure enough, I could see an entire cat head floating around. She always forgets to chop up the head! I rolled my eyes and moved on to the front door.
The night was dark, making the moon and windows about the only light. It was surprisingly warm, which was pleasant because it was usually freezing this time of year. I stopped to listen, chewing on my lip and glancing around. No sign of danger. I let my eyes drift across the dark trees and what lay behind them. Any manner of creatures could be out there, and I wouldn’t even know. The thought made me shiver, so I turned my gaze in the opposite direction.
Now I was finally off the river, I could actually appreciate how beautiful it was. The moon struck a glimmering sword down the middle, illuminating every little frog that hopped and every fish that swam.
The breeze touched my face softly, leaving cold circles where its fingertips grazed my skin. A frog cried out, the sound bouncing off the trees and eventually resting in my ears. I wondered what had attacked it, and if it got away. Even though they hold up my trips a lot, I’ve always had a soft spot for frogs. Maybe its because I see them so often, or maybe its because I can almost understand them sometimes. Or at least that’s what I think, but I’m probably wrong. They’re frogs, small, dumb, loud animals. I drew my head out the dark, scattered clouds and back to reality. Enough about frogs.
I took in a deep breath, and if I tried really hard, I could smell strong pine and fresh fish past the vile Catstew still cooking in the cauldron. The few who actually liked the stew, miss Doornob apparently, always cooked it outside. The smell was much too foul to have inside, you’d never smell anything else! Plus, boiling it outside kept the creatures far off, and I don’t blame them. I would have loved to stay far off too, but that would mean spending the rest of my days twenty three and a half feet underground, in a cage with no windows and no hope of escaping.
So here I am.
And even with the frogs, I eventually spotted the moss covered cabin. She had a cauldron outside, probably cooking Catstew. I moored the boat and nimbly climbed out onto the wet grass. My feet almost sunk in it, making it much more difficult to walk. I made my way over to the cauldron, and sure enough, I could see an entire cat head floating around. She always forgets to chop up the head! I rolled my eyes and moved on to the front door.
The night was dark, making the moon and windows about the only light. It was surprisingly warm, which was pleasant because it was usually freezing this time of year. I stopped to listen, chewing on my lip and glancing around. No sign of danger. I let my eyes drift across the dark trees and what lay behind them. Any manner of creatures could be out there, and I wouldn’t even know. The thought made me shiver, so I turned my gaze in the opposite direction.
Now I was finally off the river, I could actually appreciate how beautiful it was. The moon struck a glimmering sword down the middle, illuminating every little frog that hopped and every fish that swam.
The breeze touched my face softly, leaving cold circles where its fingertips grazed my skin. A frog cried out, the sound bouncing off the trees and eventually resting in my ears. I wondered what had attacked it, and if it got away. Even though they hold up my trips a lot, I’ve always had a soft spot for frogs. Maybe its because I see them so often, or maybe its because I can almost understand them sometimes. Or at least that’s what I think, but I’m probably wrong. They’re frogs, small, dumb, loud animals. I drew my head out the dark, scattered clouds and back to reality. Enough about frogs.
I took in a deep breath, and if I tried really hard, I could smell strong pine and fresh fish past the vile Catstew still cooking in the cauldron. The few who actually liked the stew, miss Doornob apparently, always cooked it outside. The smell was much too foul to have inside, you’d never smell anything else! Plus, boiling it outside kept the creatures far off, and I don’t blame them. I would have loved to stay far off too, but that would mean spending the rest of my days twenty three and a half feet underground, in a cage with no windows and no hope of escaping.
So here I am.
Family Reunion Scene Scripts by Online RIO
Scene 1
There was a gurgling squawk coming from the chicken house. A flurry of flapping noises and screeches filled the air. All the chickens ran out without the rooster. All went silent across the farm.
Circe: What kind of animals do you keep around here…? I don’t think I’ve heard that one before.
Fred: Oh just chickens, I think there is a rooster or two, but I’m not entirely… actually, yes, just chickens. Sometimes they act up a bit and make weird noises. (Chuckles nervously.)
Something that is definitely not a chicken bursts out of the chicken coop.
Fred: I have never seen that one before. I may have lied about owning this place… never mind, let’s get out of here.
Scene 2
Fred: Did anyone hear that noise coming from the house? It sounded like something was trying to get out.
(No noise was made at all, Fred is just trying to screw with them.)
Circe: What could possibly want to get out at this time of night? It’s not even the witching hour (raises eyebrow).
The ceiling floorboards begin to rattle as the lights flicker out. An eerie silence fills the air.
Circe: (sarcastically) This totally sets the mood.
A scratching echoes behind a door.
Circe: Hang on a second… (goes to check).
THE END.
There was a gurgling squawk coming from the chicken house. A flurry of flapping noises and screeches filled the air. All the chickens ran out without the rooster. All went silent across the farm.
Circe: What kind of animals do you keep around here…? I don’t think I’ve heard that one before.
Fred: Oh just chickens, I think there is a rooster or two, but I’m not entirely… actually, yes, just chickens. Sometimes they act up a bit and make weird noises. (Chuckles nervously.)
Something that is definitely not a chicken bursts out of the chicken coop.
Fred: I have never seen that one before. I may have lied about owning this place… never mind, let’s get out of here.
Scene 2
Fred: Did anyone hear that noise coming from the house? It sounded like something was trying to get out.
(No noise was made at all, Fred is just trying to screw with them.)
Circe: What could possibly want to get out at this time of night? It’s not even the witching hour (raises eyebrow).
The ceiling floorboards begin to rattle as the lights flicker out. An eerie silence fills the air.
Circe: (sarcastically) This totally sets the mood.
A scratching echoes behind a door.
Circe: Hang on a second… (goes to check).
THE END.
Potato Salad by Kaslyn Chan and Sydney Ball
AHHHHHHH Nooo! I told you not to eat that potato salad!! Stop turning purple!!! I mean it!
It was just potato salad. Ordinary, unharmful potato salad. Wasn’t that the idea? Nope. This potato salad seemed to be a little unordinary…
STOPPPP Turning purple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now!!!!! You’ll become a goober!!!
A goober. A goober is the worst animal in history, with big nasty teeth and red eyes. It’s also used to describe a crazy person- someone who did something terribly wrong. Like eat a potato salad…
WE need to GET TO the hOsPital!!!! I think it’s spreading!!!
Why? It’s just potato salad? All it had was potatoes…salad…and you know all that other salad stuff!!!! It can’t be that bad! It’s just potato salad!
I DON'T CARE! You look like barney the dinosaur!! Let’s go before it’s too late!
Nope. No way, no how. Hospitals are for people who’ve done bad stuff. Like fall down. Or hit their head. Or…I dunno, eat something bad. Not potato salad, though…
Nononononono the disease had spread to your mind!! I can’t be alone in the apocalypse!
ThE ApOcAlYpSe Is CoOl. I wIsH iT hApPeNeD mOrE oFtEn…EeEeE….AaAaAhH….
Hello 911? I’m in need of emergency assistance?
Yes, hello what’s goin’ oNNNN manNNhhhhh
Everyone’s a goober...
SeE? DoN’t YoU jUsT lOvE pOtAtO sAlAd? I lOvE sAlAd….
Help!!!! Anyone!!!!! HeeeeeLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP!
No not me too.
It’s a potato salad apocalypse! Forget the zombies….introduce potato salad! Potato salad rules!!!
NoNNNNOOOOO I donNNNT wananananana BBEEEEBBBEE a SOOOMBIE
It was just potato salad. Ordinary, unharmful potato salad. Wasn’t that the idea? Nope. This potato salad seemed to be a little unordinary…
STOPPPP Turning purple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now!!!!! You’ll become a goober!!!
A goober. A goober is the worst animal in history, with big nasty teeth and red eyes. It’s also used to describe a crazy person- someone who did something terribly wrong. Like eat a potato salad…
WE need to GET TO the hOsPital!!!! I think it’s spreading!!!
Why? It’s just potato salad? All it had was potatoes…salad…and you know all that other salad stuff!!!! It can’t be that bad! It’s just potato salad!
I DON'T CARE! You look like barney the dinosaur!! Let’s go before it’s too late!
Nope. No way, no how. Hospitals are for people who’ve done bad stuff. Like fall down. Or hit their head. Or…I dunno, eat something bad. Not potato salad, though…
Nononononono the disease had spread to your mind!! I can’t be alone in the apocalypse!
ThE ApOcAlYpSe Is CoOl. I wIsH iT hApPeNeD mOrE oFtEn…EeEeE….AaAaAhH….
Hello 911? I’m in need of emergency assistance?
Yes, hello what’s goin’ oNNNN manNNhhhhh
Everyone’s a goober...
SeE? DoN’t YoU jUsT lOvE pOtAtO sAlAd? I lOvE sAlAd….
Help!!!! Anyone!!!!! HeeeeeLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP!
No not me too.
It’s a potato salad apocalypse! Forget the zombies….introduce potato salad! Potato salad rules!!!
NoNNNNOOOOO I donNNNT wananananana BBEEEEBBBEE a SOOOMBIE
Genre Theme Parks by Reality is Optional
A Rioite Themepark Story...
"So let's ride the villian killer," I said. Biggest mistake I ever made. First the drills. It drooled on me gross and gooey. I tried to shoot it.
"How was I supposed to hit it in the head?"
The end.
Is it true? You'll never know!
"How was I supposed to hit it in the head?"
The end.
Is it true? You'll never know!
Stella The Office Dog
COLOURS IN MY HEAD by Reality Is Optional
Purple
is how my mind feels after a long
Nap
White is empty and
give me a sec
this one is tricky
Red is what killed my pet hippo
because he couldn't swim
Pink is a very bright colour It annoys people and gives them headaches
Green is how I felt when my mom bought me a new hippo
The moon
is where I keep my new hippo
because it enjoys the lack of gravity and the
black space
blue Earth
hmm
It is very questionable.
I can never visit my hippo.
But we have to do what is best
Sometime I can see him at night
Because of his bright pink suit
standing out in the navy-blue sky
crying
Looking at him gives me a headache
that sparkles like a pigeon
Still Umm…
I check for him nightly
Over the bright white moon
The cheese moon
Unfortunately, I find
I am
Dreaming
is how my mind feels after a long
Nap
White is empty and
give me a sec
this one is tricky
Red is what killed my pet hippo
because he couldn't swim
Pink is a very bright colour It annoys people and gives them headaches
Green is how I felt when my mom bought me a new hippo
The moon
is where I keep my new hippo
because it enjoys the lack of gravity and the
black space
blue Earth
hmm
It is very questionable.
I can never visit my hippo.
But we have to do what is best
Sometime I can see him at night
Because of his bright pink suit
standing out in the navy-blue sky
crying
Looking at him gives me a headache
that sparkles like a pigeon
Still Umm…
I check for him nightly
Over the bright white moon
The cheese moon
Unfortunately, I find
I am
Dreaming
SPACE by Reality is Optional
Space
is
not
small.
Space
Stays.
Like cows cries
Cows
Fry
BBQ
Space
Smells
Like BBQ
But also
rotten
like
a
pencil
A math pencil
Full of homework
Space
crying
Space
dying
Space
tasting
Mixing
meowing
Elf
In Space
Why
Is the elf screaming?
Because of the
cows
Space cows
On a white board
The colour of a smoothie
Made of markers
And paper
Don't look at me
Bye to the
unicorns
hhh…
is
not
small.
Space
Stays.
Like cows cries
Cows
Fry
BBQ
Space
Smells
Like BBQ
But also
rotten
like
a
pencil
A math pencil
Full of homework
Space
crying
Space
dying
Space
tasting
Mixing
meowing
Elf
In Space
Why
Is the elf screaming?
Because of the
cows
Space cows
On a white board
The colour of a smoothie
Made of markers
And paper
Don't look at me
Bye to the
unicorns
hhh…