RIO's FEBRUARY E-ZINE
STUFF AND THINGS
TO DO AND SEE!
Thank you to guest co-editor this month - Ley-Anne Folks!
- Kim Firmston
- Kim Firmston
CANDY WEDNESDAY
It's raining candy out of the sky. Raining candy so open your mouth and close your eyes.
It's raining candy out of the sky. Raining candy so open your mouth and close your eyes.
DUNGEON MAYHEM - STARRING NINJA MASTER AND CANDY MASTER
by Jocelyn and Nolan
Ninja Master: Oh no the Dungeons and Dragon's party got lost
Candy Master: K, I will help and bring my candy weapons and my pet cloud that rains candy.
Ninja Master:Fine. I'll throw ninja stars at them
Candy Master: Let's go!!!
Ninja Master: No! I'm going home.
Candy Master: Come on!!!
Ninja Master: ZZZZZZZZ
Candy Master: Really? We have to go now.
Ninja Master: ZZZZZZZZ
Candy Master: Oh come on!
Ninja Master: Get out!!!
Candy Master: Do you want candy?
Ninja Master: No!
Candy Master: ....
Ninja Master: Bye
Candy Master: Poo you! Poo you!
by Jocelyn and Nolan
Ninja Master: Oh no the Dungeons and Dragon's party got lost
Candy Master: K, I will help and bring my candy weapons and my pet cloud that rains candy.
Ninja Master:Fine. I'll throw ninja stars at them
Candy Master: Let's go!!!
Ninja Master: No! I'm going home.
Candy Master: Come on!!!
Ninja Master: ZZZZZZZZ
Candy Master: Really? We have to go now.
Ninja Master: ZZZZZZZZ
Candy Master: Oh come on!
Ninja Master: Get out!!!
Candy Master: Do you want candy?
Ninja Master: No!
Candy Master: ....
Ninja Master: Bye
Candy Master: Poo you! Poo you!
The Dungeon Master (DM) and Art Lady Run Into Each Other
by Willow and Sophie
Art Lady: Oh no, Hope is lost.
DM: Um . . . no it's not.
Art Lady: She is!
DM: Is Hope a person?
Art Lady: . . . Yeah!
DM: Where did you last see her?
Art Lady: In this scary room.
DM: Ummm, well you go in and get her.
Art Lady: NOOOO!
DM: Yesssss!
Art Lady: NOOO!
DM: Then let's both go in and find her.
Art Lady: FINE!
(THEY BEGIN TO WALK IN WHEN DM PUSHES ART LADY AND CLOSES THE DOOR.
THE END!)
by Willow and Sophie
Art Lady: Oh no, Hope is lost.
DM: Um . . . no it's not.
Art Lady: She is!
DM: Is Hope a person?
Art Lady: . . . Yeah!
DM: Where did you last see her?
Art Lady: In this scary room.
DM: Ummm, well you go in and get her.
Art Lady: NOOOO!
DM: Yesssss!
Art Lady: NOOO!
DM: Then let's both go in and find her.
Art Lady: FINE!
(THEY BEGIN TO WALK IN WHEN DM PUSHES ART LADY AND CLOSES THE DOOR.
THE END!)
THE END OF TACO TUESDAY? Starring the Witch and the Spook
by The Dark Lord and Die
Witch: Fancy meeting a non-astral ghost. How are you, Spook?
Spook: I'm decent, considering they tasked me with organizing a bunch of cryptids.
Witch: And the tacos. Mind you, that doesn't seem to be going too well. A certain mothy friend told me taco Tuesday might not happen.
Spook: Oh right, that situation. I'm sure if something isn't fixed soon chaos will happen sooner or later.
Witch: Sounds fun. Well if you need a chaos investigator, give me an unholy scream into the spirit world and either some other Eldrich monstrosity or I will answer.
Spook: We're better off just making a replacement event.
Witch: Isn't that what I said?
Spook: Ah! Right. Well, in that case I'll just hope it you that answers.
Witch: A very good thing to hope for. Well, I have cereal to eat in the ballroom. Good day, little ghost.
Spook: And I need to make sure Mothman doesn't break out . . . again.
by The Dark Lord and Die
Witch: Fancy meeting a non-astral ghost. How are you, Spook?
Spook: I'm decent, considering they tasked me with organizing a bunch of cryptids.
Witch: And the tacos. Mind you, that doesn't seem to be going too well. A certain mothy friend told me taco Tuesday might not happen.
Spook: Oh right, that situation. I'm sure if something isn't fixed soon chaos will happen sooner or later.
Witch: Sounds fun. Well if you need a chaos investigator, give me an unholy scream into the spirit world and either some other Eldrich monstrosity or I will answer.
Spook: We're better off just making a replacement event.
Witch: Isn't that what I said?
Spook: Ah! Right. Well, in that case I'll just hope it you that answers.
Witch: A very good thing to hope for. Well, I have cereal to eat in the ballroom. Good day, little ghost.
Spook: And I need to make sure Mothman doesn't break out . . . again.
BREAK OUT by Eli and Neo
OMG did you hear the breakout in the Dinosaur Petting Zoo?
I know man, that &@%# was crazy!
I know right?
So crazy.
YAAAHHH!
OMG did you hear the breakout in the Dinosaur Petting Zoo?
I know man, that &@%# was crazy!
I know right?
So crazy.
YAAAHHH!
FINDING A CHEATER starring Wolf and Booklord
by Jamie and Cleo
Booklord: How do we prove Insomnia, the 24 hour Barista, is cheating at cards? I wonder why his that is his name anyway?
Wolf: We put security cameras in the card room.
Booklord: Ooh, ooh, brilliant idea! Wait a second I see a spelling mistake. It's right there on the wall! That sign that is advertising hidden camaras. It's cameras! Grammar Police!!!
Wolf: (Ignoring Booklord) He might be cheating at snap.
Booklord: You just ignored me! (Crying) Well. (Clears his throat) back to the situation at hand. Where can we find a camera to set up in the card room? There must be one in a different room.
Wolf: Let's create a security room next to the card room.
Booklord: Good plan! Let's get to working . . . We can make a hidden window that goes to the card room.
Wolf: Sure, let's order some glass.
THEY BUILD THE SECURITY ROOM
Booklord: I hope we find a use for this room later.
Wolf: I've ordered some glass and some security cameras.
Booklord: Okay. Let's get Insomnia to play cards. Watch the cameras closely.
GAME WITH INSOMNIA BEGINS
Wolf: Let's play snap.
Booklord: (Eying Insomnia) I think he's cheating after all. There's a sinister gaze in his eyes.
Wolf: Let's call the police. Do we have a police room?
Booklord: Hmm, I don't believe cheating at cards is a big enough offense to garner the police. And no, I don't think we have a police room, yes, yes.
Wolf: He must be banned from the card room.
Booklord: Oh no, I think he can hear us! What should we do?
Wolf: Just ignore him.
Booklord: (Grumbles) Okay, after the game is over, we'll check the cameras. (A little later) Hmm. What do you see in the footage?
Wolf: He's not cheating!
Booklord: (Gasps)
by Jamie and Cleo
Booklord: How do we prove Insomnia, the 24 hour Barista, is cheating at cards? I wonder why his that is his name anyway?
Wolf: We put security cameras in the card room.
Booklord: Ooh, ooh, brilliant idea! Wait a second I see a spelling mistake. It's right there on the wall! That sign that is advertising hidden camaras. It's cameras! Grammar Police!!!
Wolf: (Ignoring Booklord) He might be cheating at snap.
Booklord: You just ignored me! (Crying) Well. (Clears his throat) back to the situation at hand. Where can we find a camera to set up in the card room? There must be one in a different room.
Wolf: Let's create a security room next to the card room.
Booklord: Good plan! Let's get to working . . . We can make a hidden window that goes to the card room.
Wolf: Sure, let's order some glass.
THEY BUILD THE SECURITY ROOM
Booklord: I hope we find a use for this room later.
Wolf: I've ordered some glass and some security cameras.
Booklord: Okay. Let's get Insomnia to play cards. Watch the cameras closely.
GAME WITH INSOMNIA BEGINS
Wolf: Let's play snap.
Booklord: (Eying Insomnia) I think he's cheating after all. There's a sinister gaze in his eyes.
Wolf: Let's call the police. Do we have a police room?
Booklord: Hmm, I don't believe cheating at cards is a big enough offense to garner the police. And no, I don't think we have a police room, yes, yes.
Wolf: He must be banned from the card room.
Booklord: Oh no, I think he can hear us! What should we do?
Wolf: Just ignore him.
Booklord: (Grumbles) Okay, after the game is over, we'll check the cameras. (A little later) Hmm. What do you see in the footage?
Wolf: He's not cheating!
Booklord: (Gasps)
Coming soon to a Theatre Near You!
CRYING
Going to court will result
In five years jail time.
Going to court will result
In five years jail time.
A NEW CLASS FOR SCHOOL
How to paint walls in three easy steps.
How to paint walls in three easy steps.
WEEPING WEDNESDAY
Get your anger out after Taco Tuesday was cancelled!
Get your anger out after Taco Tuesday was cancelled!
RED - by Rachel
The colour of molten lava on a volcano
The way the sky lights during the sunset
The colour of Christmas
The colour of blood
The colour of molten lava on a volcano
The way the sky lights during the sunset
The colour of Christmas
The colour of blood
PLEASE YIELD TO BIGFOOT!
A NEW CLASS FOR SCHOOL
How to catch a Dragon
Spend 7 hours of learning that dragons don't exist.
How to catch a Dragon
Spend 7 hours of learning that dragons don't exist.
BLUE
Be it the sky or the water
Everyone except the colour blind
or the truly blind
Can see this primary colour.
Be it the sky or the water
Everyone except the colour blind
or the truly blind
Can see this primary colour.
MILD MONDAY
"We like things mild."
"We like things mild."
DUBIOUS ADVICE
Build walls whenever you hate someone.
Or else
You are fired.
Build walls whenever you hate someone.
Or else
You are fired.
A NEW CLASS FOR SCHOOL by Katelyn
Talking 101
1. Must listen to me talking.
(a) Take all of class talking.
(b) give mounds of homework about talking.
2. Enforce no talking in class/halls
(a) make them stay for extra class
(b) give more homework
Rinse and Repeat
Talking 101
1. Must listen to me talking.
(a) Take all of class talking.
(b) give mounds of homework about talking.
2. Enforce no talking in class/halls
(a) make them stay for extra class
(b) give more homework
Rinse and Repeat
BLOW STUFF UP FRIDAY
and
NUCLEAR FISSION MONDAY
are replacing
TACO TUESDAY
Please remember this will only happen ONCE!
and
NUCLEAR FISSION MONDAY
are replacing
TACO TUESDAY
Please remember this will only happen ONCE!
HOW TO DO THINGS!
PUTTING ON EARRINGS, by Krysia Denys
- Choose the earrings carefully. Take into account:
- The occasion - formal, casual, elegant; make sure to be appropriate
- The time of day - morning, afternoon, evening, night, twilight, noon, early morning, late night, etc.
- Your clothes - for a dress, wear larger earrings in a matching or contrasting colour; for casual clothing, stud earrings that complement details on your shirt, or otherwise your eyes.
- After choosing the earrings…
- Take out antiseptic liquid. Gently dip the ends of the earrings in the liquid to prevent infection that may reach your brain and kill you. Be careful not to drop earring
- Once they dry, insert the ends into pre-punched holes in your earlobes. Make sure not to pierce the skin other than through the hole, as profuse bleeding may occur.
- Add ‘blocks’ - metal fastenings - to ensure the earrings do not fall out during your busy day.
- Admire your new decorations!
- First, turn your head to the left and meticulously examine:
- Calibration of earrings
- Balance of earrings
- Fastenings
- Repeat step a with the right side
- Examine the earrings head on to ensure their positioning is equal
- First, turn your head to the left and meticulously examine:
- Good job!
- Pat on the back
- Eat chocolate
- Be happy
OPENING A BOOK - by the Dark Lord
- Walk towards the location of the book
- Extend arm to grab said book
- Miss, and grab the wrong book
- Put incorrect book back on shelf
- Aim once more
- Extend arm once more
- Successfully grab the book
- Find a comfortable location to situate your corporeal form
- Fail
- Settle for second best
- Sniff the book
- Choke on dust
- That was a bad idea
- You idiot
- Just open the book
- It’s not that hard
- God
HOW TO EAT A BANANA, PG13 Version By Evan Ma
Step 1: Acquire banana.
Step 2: Peel the banana.
Step 3: Open your mouth.
Step 4: Slowly move the banana to the opening.
Step 5: Enter the gates to the warm, moist tunnel.
Step 6: Shove the banana a few centimeters into the moist environment. Hold for 2 seconds.
Step 7: Remove the banana from the cavernous mouth.
Step 8: Move the banana past the lips to the point that is soft from being in the tunnel for 2 seconds.
Step 9: Bite it.
Step 10: Put peel in waste/compost.
Step 11: Throw compost out into bigger compost.
Step 12: Drive compost to compost centre.
Step 13: Make compost into fertilizer.
Step 14: Sell compost.
Step 15: Ship compost to whoever bought it, preferably a banana plantation.
Step 16: Use fertilizer to make more bananas.
Step 17: Go buy more bananas.
Step 18: Repeat steps 2-17.
Step 1: Acquire banana.
Step 2: Peel the banana.
Step 3: Open your mouth.
Step 4: Slowly move the banana to the opening.
Step 5: Enter the gates to the warm, moist tunnel.
Step 6: Shove the banana a few centimeters into the moist environment. Hold for 2 seconds.
Step 7: Remove the banana from the cavernous mouth.
Step 8: Move the banana past the lips to the point that is soft from being in the tunnel for 2 seconds.
Step 9: Bite it.
Step 10: Put peel in waste/compost.
Step 11: Throw compost out into bigger compost.
Step 12: Drive compost to compost centre.
Step 13: Make compost into fertilizer.
Step 14: Sell compost.
Step 15: Ship compost to whoever bought it, preferably a banana plantation.
Step 16: Use fertilizer to make more bananas.
Step 17: Go buy more bananas.
Step 18: Repeat steps 2-17.
BRUSHING YOUR TEETH IN 26 EASY STEPS by Zlata
- Move one foot after another to the bathroom
- Put your hand on the door knob
- Turn the knob to open the door
- Aim your face over the sink
- Put your hand over the toothbrush of your liking
- Pick it up
- In the other hand hover over the toothpaste
- Pick it up, but do not squeeze the toothpaste
- Open the cap of the toothpaste with three of your fingers
- Put the hole of the toothpaste bottle of the bristles
- Slowly squeeze the toothpaste bottle
- Stop squeezing when you acquire desired amount of toothpaste
- Put bristles over teeth part
- Move burs up and down
- When you can feel the teeth being fully clean release brush off surface of the teeth
- Put bristles over sink
- Turn on hot or cold water, your choice
- Put brush back where it came from
- Put hands under sink bend
- Turn on sink
- Fill hands with water
- Put water in mouth
- Swoosh water around the mouth
- Spit out water
- Close the toothpaste bottle
- Good Job! Your teeth are now cleaned.
The Story of Alice by Zlata, The Dark Lord, Krysia, and Evan
CHAPTER ONE
Alice’s Existence is very sad, Her story will make you cry. You will cry long sad tears that will likely drown you, but let’s start the story.
Today
The castle rose out of the iridescent mist, a fortress of grief. Today it was nothing more than a monument of the people’s hatred of the monarchy. Alice was to be beheaded today, a last act of defiance. Alice, on a normal day, would have kicked and screamed all the way to the gallows, (and lord knows she had in the past) but today she was as quiet as the graveyard she would soon be placed in. Thinking of her final days she thinks of her family and friends that she never had, she prayed to god that her death would be painless.
But death had other ideas.
CHAPTER TWO
Yesterday
Alice looked in the mirror and pondered her pale reflection. “Life is hell”, she thought just as her elderly husband came into the room. Their marriage had been cold heartedly arranged by her hypocritical parents. “I hate my life…” thought Alice, fixing her makeup, unhappily. However, her silent suffering would end today. Alice grabbed an ornamental dagger from a wall decoration, and hid it among the ruffles of her dress. Sneaking out of the house, Alice looked around if anyone was watching. “No one is around” she thought. She ran down the path, a person in the bush saw the sparkle of metal between her dress cloth and started following her with his suspicion, trying to see what Alice, such a nice girl, might be hiding.
It was a corset. It was hidden in her dress. The man saw. The man gasped. “I can’t believe I have seen Alice’s corset! My life is now complete!” Then he realized the corset was his wife’s. He broke down and began to sob unreasonably. The man was, indeed, schizophrenic. Or maybe he wasn’t. It was hard to tell considering he’d been locked up in a mental illness ward since his third birthday.
CHAPTER THREE
For the first time in days, the others realized Alice hadn’t come to school for over three weeks now. She’d always blended into the background. But that was not longer true. Now she was front and centre, her reason for missing school splayed out all across the courtyard. People started mumbling about what might have happened to her. But no one knew exactly the truth.
No one knew.
Alice burst through the window with a bloody sword. “You’ll never know!” she bellowed.
The room was empty. All the children had left already. Alice dropped the sword. And sighed… “How come every time I burst through a window with a weapon, the room turns out to be abandoned?” She sat down and began to sing for no specific reason. Perhaps Alice was an unstable girl. Or maybe she was just not real. Alice sighed sitting cross-legged on the floor. She closed her eyes, waiting for whatever fate had planned.
CHAPTER FOUR
Walking down a deep and dark tunnel, Alice, the helpless little girl looked for an exit. She stumbled across a corpse lying on the floor, its bloody bones black in the dim light. The body lay black and silent with the shadows creeping in. It sat up! Alice screamed!
She woke up in the classroom, her heart pounding. The body of her sister had been haunting her dreams for over a month. More troubling was the fact she didn’t have a sister and had to remind herself of that every time she woke. But a dream of a body is a dream of a body. Alice rose from her bead, walking groggily to the bathroom. She was sick all day but she learned that dreams would never affect her and it was all good after all.
CHAPTER FIVE
This Morning
The crows called. Today was louder than normal. That may have meant something to some other witch, but Alice just saw it as her familiars being more annoying than usual.
“Danger is coming!” the crows screamed.
“Oh whatever, I’ll deal with it later . . .”
“No! Now! Winter is here!”
“Of course,” Alice said. “How silly of me. Now show me the way to the castle.”
Out of nowhere two guards stepped toward her. Before she had a chance to resist, they were dragging her away. Terrified, Alice sputtered: “Help! Where are you taking me?” The guard’s answer chilled her to the bone. “We're taking you to the TRUE king.” Whatever the guards meant by that. They marched her to the jail, ready to be hung at noon. However, Alice was slightly more preoccupied with fruitlessly trying to pick the lock on her shackles. Then the lock clicked! Alice was astounded! She drop kicked the guard and escaped, but not before looting him and taking a small bag of diamonds from his belt. Now she could run away from this madness forever and be free!
THE END
Alice’s Existence is very sad, Her story will make you cry. You will cry long sad tears that will likely drown you, but let’s start the story.
Today
The castle rose out of the iridescent mist, a fortress of grief. Today it was nothing more than a monument of the people’s hatred of the monarchy. Alice was to be beheaded today, a last act of defiance. Alice, on a normal day, would have kicked and screamed all the way to the gallows, (and lord knows she had in the past) but today she was as quiet as the graveyard she would soon be placed in. Thinking of her final days she thinks of her family and friends that she never had, she prayed to god that her death would be painless.
But death had other ideas.
CHAPTER TWO
Yesterday
Alice looked in the mirror and pondered her pale reflection. “Life is hell”, she thought just as her elderly husband came into the room. Their marriage had been cold heartedly arranged by her hypocritical parents. “I hate my life…” thought Alice, fixing her makeup, unhappily. However, her silent suffering would end today. Alice grabbed an ornamental dagger from a wall decoration, and hid it among the ruffles of her dress. Sneaking out of the house, Alice looked around if anyone was watching. “No one is around” she thought. She ran down the path, a person in the bush saw the sparkle of metal between her dress cloth and started following her with his suspicion, trying to see what Alice, such a nice girl, might be hiding.
It was a corset. It was hidden in her dress. The man saw. The man gasped. “I can’t believe I have seen Alice’s corset! My life is now complete!” Then he realized the corset was his wife’s. He broke down and began to sob unreasonably. The man was, indeed, schizophrenic. Or maybe he wasn’t. It was hard to tell considering he’d been locked up in a mental illness ward since his third birthday.
CHAPTER THREE
For the first time in days, the others realized Alice hadn’t come to school for over three weeks now. She’d always blended into the background. But that was not longer true. Now she was front and centre, her reason for missing school splayed out all across the courtyard. People started mumbling about what might have happened to her. But no one knew exactly the truth.
No one knew.
Alice burst through the window with a bloody sword. “You’ll never know!” she bellowed.
The room was empty. All the children had left already. Alice dropped the sword. And sighed… “How come every time I burst through a window with a weapon, the room turns out to be abandoned?” She sat down and began to sing for no specific reason. Perhaps Alice was an unstable girl. Or maybe she was just not real. Alice sighed sitting cross-legged on the floor. She closed her eyes, waiting for whatever fate had planned.
CHAPTER FOUR
Walking down a deep and dark tunnel, Alice, the helpless little girl looked for an exit. She stumbled across a corpse lying on the floor, its bloody bones black in the dim light. The body lay black and silent with the shadows creeping in. It sat up! Alice screamed!
She woke up in the classroom, her heart pounding. The body of her sister had been haunting her dreams for over a month. More troubling was the fact she didn’t have a sister and had to remind herself of that every time she woke. But a dream of a body is a dream of a body. Alice rose from her bead, walking groggily to the bathroom. She was sick all day but she learned that dreams would never affect her and it was all good after all.
CHAPTER FIVE
This Morning
The crows called. Today was louder than normal. That may have meant something to some other witch, but Alice just saw it as her familiars being more annoying than usual.
“Danger is coming!” the crows screamed.
“Oh whatever, I’ll deal with it later . . .”
“No! Now! Winter is here!”
“Of course,” Alice said. “How silly of me. Now show me the way to the castle.”
Out of nowhere two guards stepped toward her. Before she had a chance to resist, they were dragging her away. Terrified, Alice sputtered: “Help! Where are you taking me?” The guard’s answer chilled her to the bone. “We're taking you to the TRUE king.” Whatever the guards meant by that. They marched her to the jail, ready to be hung at noon. However, Alice was slightly more preoccupied with fruitlessly trying to pick the lock on her shackles. Then the lock clicked! Alice was astounded! She drop kicked the guard and escaped, but not before looting him and taking a small bag of diamonds from his belt. Now she could run away from this madness forever and be free!
THE END
Book Reviews
Omn by AH! Punk
“Sharp, tangy, fascinating. Once you start reading, you won’t be able to stop!” 4.5 stars - Zipline reviews.
An accurate commentary on life as a band! -The Illiterate Press
“No words can describe the feels felt.” - No-nonsense Whatsonever Corp.
A raised fist to the system - The Anti NoWhere Legue
Curiosity >= Creativity
The use of inequalities in the title is both curious and creative - Math Weekly
It’s a lie! The Pi is a lie!” - Punnishing Firm
This book is an unequalled success! - The Greater Lesserthans
“How beautiful! This read motivated me to get off my butt!”
Knaifu? Waifu? Knaifu+Waifu=?
Very sharp - Quite edgy - Webus Anonymous
The Edgelord, who stars in this was absolutely astounding
“The author of this story is delusional. The story will make you delusional. Perhaps we are all delusional.” - Zipline, 3.8
A good read if you enjoy getting stabbed in the stomach
How to Build a Better Lair. (More Laser Sharks for you)
"The couch ate the waffles" -ADHD Support grou... what's that over there?
“In many ways, this book will make you question reality. Not recommended for beginner readers” - Zipline reviews,
Not enough rocket wolverines! - Mad Scientist’s Collective
“Never knew laser sharks were real, until now.” - Reality Is Questionable
Death of Cats and Other Sad Occurrences
“Such a wonderful read! The way sad things are told, it makes the world happy :-)” - Alice LTD
I thought cats were cute But now they’re dead. :-( - Cat calendars monthly
“I always grew up in a house of cat haters, so this book was nothing new - could have had a more exciting everything”
“A deep metaphor for those willing to find it inside of themselves. The book is irrelevant” - Zipline reviews, 4.5 stars
“Sharp, tangy, fascinating. Once you start reading, you won’t be able to stop!” 4.5 stars - Zipline reviews.
An accurate commentary on life as a band! -The Illiterate Press
“No words can describe the feels felt.” - No-nonsense Whatsonever Corp.
A raised fist to the system - The Anti NoWhere Legue
Curiosity >= Creativity
The use of inequalities in the title is both curious and creative - Math Weekly
It’s a lie! The Pi is a lie!” - Punnishing Firm
This book is an unequalled success! - The Greater Lesserthans
“How beautiful! This read motivated me to get off my butt!”
Knaifu? Waifu? Knaifu+Waifu=?
Very sharp - Quite edgy - Webus Anonymous
The Edgelord, who stars in this was absolutely astounding
“The author of this story is delusional. The story will make you delusional. Perhaps we are all delusional.” - Zipline, 3.8
A good read if you enjoy getting stabbed in the stomach
How to Build a Better Lair. (More Laser Sharks for you)
"The couch ate the waffles" -ADHD Support grou... what's that over there?
“In many ways, this book will make you question reality. Not recommended for beginner readers” - Zipline reviews,
Not enough rocket wolverines! - Mad Scientist’s Collective
“Never knew laser sharks were real, until now.” - Reality Is Questionable
Death of Cats and Other Sad Occurrences
“Such a wonderful read! The way sad things are told, it makes the world happy :-)” - Alice LTD
I thought cats were cute But now they’re dead. :-( - Cat calendars monthly
“I always grew up in a house of cat haters, so this book was nothing new - could have had a more exciting everything”
“A deep metaphor for those willing to find it inside of themselves. The book is irrelevant” - Zipline reviews, 4.5 stars