REALITY IS OPTIONAL'S FALL E-ZINE
ALL THE BEST SHOWS!
RIO TV Presents our new fall line up!
LEAVING TENNESSEE (by Fiona and Lina)
Saturdays at 6:30 pm
An anime about a tennis player on a journey to adulthood on a pumpkin farm.
Opening Theme Song: Is This My Dream?
A crazy mad crazy ranch
My handbag was lost on the train
In yen at this point
this is a very good start
with me tennis is my dream
but will it be?
Year tennis tennis brother
Jar I win not go
I'm sure, I'm sure
Episode ONE: Leaving Tennessee
Louise leaves Tennessee for the first time to take part in a major tennis tournament.
Episode TWO: A New Friend?
On her trip, Louise gets lost and ends up on a pumpkin farm. A living pumpkin begins following her around. Will it be a new friend?
Episode THREE: We Need To Get Out Of Here!
The pumpkin starts to help Louise find her way back to the train station so she can get to the tennis tournament but they are stopped by a scarecrow who won't let them leave until Louise buys a pumpkin. It's then that Louise realizes she's lost her wallet on the train!
Saturdays at 6:30 pm
An anime about a tennis player on a journey to adulthood on a pumpkin farm.
Opening Theme Song: Is This My Dream?
A crazy mad crazy ranch
My handbag was lost on the train
In yen at this point
this is a very good start
with me tennis is my dream
but will it be?
Year tennis tennis brother
Jar I win not go
I'm sure, I'm sure
Episode ONE: Leaving Tennessee
Louise leaves Tennessee for the first time to take part in a major tennis tournament.
Episode TWO: A New Friend?
On her trip, Louise gets lost and ends up on a pumpkin farm. A living pumpkin begins following her around. Will it be a new friend?
Episode THREE: We Need To Get Out Of Here!
The pumpkin starts to help Louise find her way back to the train station so she can get to the tennis tournament but they are stopped by a scarecrow who won't let them leave until Louise buys a pumpkin. It's then that Louise realizes she's lost her wallet on the train!
WE WILL BE THE BEST (by Eli and Jamie)
Fridays at Midnight
An anime about an army brat named Britnee (AKA Bratnee) who wants to take her military skills onto the volleyball court in order to go to the nationals. Coach Dragonface (who is a crocodile for unexplained reasons) supports Bratnee in going to the nationals and wants to prove that despite Bratnee being a war veteran, she can become an amazing volleyball player.
Opening Theme Song: Watashi-tachi Will Be The Beste
Yunyong our naino to sieg the honomon guerre
Because I verpasst this game avant
with Coach Kroc Long de Lian by my soba
Faito!!! Tatkai!!! Zerauertschen!!! Detruite!!!
We will sieg!
Episode ONE: The Army Brat
Britnee, the army brat, gets back to schol after the wary. She's a brat. She's hit by a volleyball in the face and in her anger she throws it back. Coach Krock Dragonface sees her talent and invites her to the team!
Episode TWO: The First Challenge
Bratnee, as she is now called, plays the first game against her teammates.
After school she is saved from being hit by a baseball by Base Baloo, the captain of the baseball team. She wants to join the baseball team but Coach Krock Dragonface wants her to stay with volleyball. Base has a girlfriend and Bratnee falls in love with Coach Kroc Dragonface.
Episode THREE: The Sudden Surprise
To prove her love for Coach Kroc Dragonface, Bratnee begins to win games on the volleyball team, and she is recognised by an old war enemy who works for another school. Suddenly she is banned from playing volleyball because she is a veteran. Bratnee thinks foul play is afoot.
Fridays at Midnight
An anime about an army brat named Britnee (AKA Bratnee) who wants to take her military skills onto the volleyball court in order to go to the nationals. Coach Dragonface (who is a crocodile for unexplained reasons) supports Bratnee in going to the nationals and wants to prove that despite Bratnee being a war veteran, she can become an amazing volleyball player.
Opening Theme Song: Watashi-tachi Will Be The Beste
Yunyong our naino to sieg the honomon guerre
Because I verpasst this game avant
with Coach Kroc Long de Lian by my soba
Faito!!! Tatkai!!! Zerauertschen!!! Detruite!!!
We will sieg!
Episode ONE: The Army Brat
Britnee, the army brat, gets back to schol after the wary. She's a brat. She's hit by a volleyball in the face and in her anger she throws it back. Coach Krock Dragonface sees her talent and invites her to the team!
Episode TWO: The First Challenge
Bratnee, as she is now called, plays the first game against her teammates.
After school she is saved from being hit by a baseball by Base Baloo, the captain of the baseball team. She wants to join the baseball team but Coach Krock Dragonface wants her to stay with volleyball. Base has a girlfriend and Bratnee falls in love with Coach Kroc Dragonface.
Episode THREE: The Sudden Surprise
To prove her love for Coach Kroc Dragonface, Bratnee begins to win games on the volleyball team, and she is recognised by an old war enemy who works for another school. Suddenly she is banned from playing volleyball because she is a veteran. Bratnee thinks foul play is afoot.
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HIGH SCHOOL GHOST (by RIO Pod Crowfoot)
Saturdays at 8:30 AM
An anime about a ghost in a high school on a field trip to find Jack's killer and Tim Bits. The two friends go on adventures to every place to find new Tim Hortons. Jack wants to become human again and go to a real high school. On their quest the evil ghost hunter catch up to them. Have a wild ride with ghosts and bad guys in this fun, lovable story!
Opening Theme Song: Together Till the End!
Jack Samley and Blinky time! Together till the end . . .
Episode ONE: Death!
This side of the neighborhood never had a good side. All of a sudden Jack was stabbed. He was gone. Jack, now a soul, never got the chance to go to high school. But he wanted to sooo bad! So he wills his soul to carry on so he can go to high school again and find his killer - as a ghost!
Episode TWO: Jack Meets Blinky
Jack enters Starbucks on planet Starbuck for a Timbit Frappe when he "bumps" into a real ghost. Jack appologises and learns that his new side kick is a video game spinoff character - but then . . .
Episode THREE: Ghost Hunters!
The perspective changes to that of Ghost Hunter Weird-Eyed Weakman who wants to destroy all ghosts after his parents were absorbed by ghosts. The episode begins with . . . "What is the date henchman robot? Tell me! NOW!"
"Sir, it is 20 July. The Year 51000"
"I met the last two ghosts on this planet of Starbuck. I instantly fire water out of my water sword. They excape me but I instantly went after them in my heavily armed and defended ship called, The Ghost Destroyer. I have killed many ghosts with it. These two won't get away!"
What will happen next? Stay tuned for more exciting ghost adventures!
Saturdays at 8:30 AM
An anime about a ghost in a high school on a field trip to find Jack's killer and Tim Bits. The two friends go on adventures to every place to find new Tim Hortons. Jack wants to become human again and go to a real high school. On their quest the evil ghost hunter catch up to them. Have a wild ride with ghosts and bad guys in this fun, lovable story!
Opening Theme Song: Together Till the End!
Jack Samley and Blinky time! Together till the end . . .
Episode ONE: Death!
This side of the neighborhood never had a good side. All of a sudden Jack was stabbed. He was gone. Jack, now a soul, never got the chance to go to high school. But he wanted to sooo bad! So he wills his soul to carry on so he can go to high school again and find his killer - as a ghost!
Episode TWO: Jack Meets Blinky
Jack enters Starbucks on planet Starbuck for a Timbit Frappe when he "bumps" into a real ghost. Jack appologises and learns that his new side kick is a video game spinoff character - but then . . .
Episode THREE: Ghost Hunters!
The perspective changes to that of Ghost Hunter Weird-Eyed Weakman who wants to destroy all ghosts after his parents were absorbed by ghosts. The episode begins with . . . "What is the date henchman robot? Tell me! NOW!"
"Sir, it is 20 July. The Year 51000"
"I met the last two ghosts on this planet of Starbuck. I instantly fire water out of my water sword. They excape me but I instantly went after them in my heavily armed and defended ship called, The Ghost Destroyer. I have killed many ghosts with it. These two won't get away!"
What will happen next? Stay tuned for more exciting ghost adventures!
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SUPER ASTEROID ROCK STAR (by RIO Pod Crowfoot)
Saturdays at 10:30 PM
An anime about Jessica the Rebel Princess and her side kick, Derp, as they fly through space avoiding the clutches of Mr. Nani. All Jessica wants to do is rock, but her parents want her to be a normal princess, get a husband, and rule Beige World. After she runs away, her parents hire the music hating, Mr. Nani to bring her home. She avoids him by living on her spaceship, the Millennium Rock, traveling planet to planet searching for gigs, and rocking out all over the universe.
Opening Theme Song: Out of the middle C and into the Rocks of Space
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
I hated beige world and now I live between space planets
This is an edge of songs that's edgy
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Me and Derp travel space in rock I ship with rock
Evil follows in a following way
I scream, "Rocks are life!"
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
And I say NANI
very, very, very
LOUD
Episode ONE: Pilot - I think . . . Wait . . . is this the pilot or are we not releasing that.
Intro: Jessica is rocking at the pub on an asteroid and she looks into the crowd and sees Mr. Nani. He blows up the asteroid and she and Derp leave in their spaceship.
Middle: She and Derp talk about how her parents suck and sent "Villain" as she calls Mr. Nani, after her. The shot moves back to her running out of the castle on Beige World with Derp and yelling back that she will never be queen. We then cut back to her on her spaceship and she freezes Mr. Nani's ship and escapes.
End: She and Derp are in a ship wondering what Mr. Nani's problem is.
Episode TWO: More Backstory . . . Are you Serious?
Background radio music plays Little Eisenstein's Rock Remix. Their ship flies to Ice Cream Land. Zoom into Mr. Nani's ship. Zoom into his background computer while cutting to Mr. Nani's tragic backstory. He was an interstellar pizza delivery guy. When he delivered at Beige Castle he was kidnapped by the King and Queen and brainwashed to become their minion - gaining Music Destroying Powers in the process. They rename him Mr. Nani, because that's all he seems to say, and tell him he's a villain then send him out to find and capture their daughter, Rebel Princess Jessica. We then zoom back to the spaceship where Jessica and Derp start setting up their concert on Ice Cream Land. Zoom out to the rock concert. Cut to end credits.
Episode THREE: BOOM - Finally We Get a Real Story!
Boom! Mr. Nani breaks into the rock concert. Jessica yells out, "Villain!" He destroys all the instruments with his laser eyes and grabs Jessica. Derp stuffs his book box into Mr. Nani's ear and turns it to MAX volume. Derp and Jessica attempt to eliminate Mr. Nani by tying him up with amplifier cords. Derp and Jessica run away, snagging the boom box as they escape.
Saturdays at 10:30 PM
An anime about Jessica the Rebel Princess and her side kick, Derp, as they fly through space avoiding the clutches of Mr. Nani. All Jessica wants to do is rock, but her parents want her to be a normal princess, get a husband, and rule Beige World. After she runs away, her parents hire the music hating, Mr. Nani to bring her home. She avoids him by living on her spaceship, the Millennium Rock, traveling planet to planet searching for gigs, and rocking out all over the universe.
Opening Theme Song: Out of the middle C and into the Rocks of Space
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
I hated beige world and now I live between space planets
This is an edge of songs that's edgy
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Me and Derp travel space in rock I ship with rock
Evil follows in a following way
I scream, "Rocks are life!"
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
Deja Vu
Never been to space before
And I say NANI
very, very, very
LOUD
Episode ONE: Pilot - I think . . . Wait . . . is this the pilot or are we not releasing that.
Intro: Jessica is rocking at the pub on an asteroid and she looks into the crowd and sees Mr. Nani. He blows up the asteroid and she and Derp leave in their spaceship.
Middle: She and Derp talk about how her parents suck and sent "Villain" as she calls Mr. Nani, after her. The shot moves back to her running out of the castle on Beige World with Derp and yelling back that she will never be queen. We then cut back to her on her spaceship and she freezes Mr. Nani's ship and escapes.
End: She and Derp are in a ship wondering what Mr. Nani's problem is.
Episode TWO: More Backstory . . . Are you Serious?
Background radio music plays Little Eisenstein's Rock Remix. Their ship flies to Ice Cream Land. Zoom into Mr. Nani's ship. Zoom into his background computer while cutting to Mr. Nani's tragic backstory. He was an interstellar pizza delivery guy. When he delivered at Beige Castle he was kidnapped by the King and Queen and brainwashed to become their minion - gaining Music Destroying Powers in the process. They rename him Mr. Nani, because that's all he seems to say, and tell him he's a villain then send him out to find and capture their daughter, Rebel Princess Jessica. We then zoom back to the spaceship where Jessica and Derp start setting up their concert on Ice Cream Land. Zoom out to the rock concert. Cut to end credits.
Episode THREE: BOOM - Finally We Get a Real Story!
Boom! Mr. Nani breaks into the rock concert. Jessica yells out, "Villain!" He destroys all the instruments with his laser eyes and grabs Jessica. Derp stuffs his book box into Mr. Nani's ear and turns it to MAX volume. Derp and Jessica attempt to eliminate Mr. Nani by tying him up with amplifier cords. Derp and Jessica run away, snagging the boom box as they escape.
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PRESIDENT RAMEN (by RIO Pod Crowfoot)
Thursday Nights at 8:00 PM (cooking show prime time)
An anime about Johnathan Kettering-Abrams-Finch, nickname - President Ramen, who eats Ramen every night, and Mr. Assistant, his sidekick, assistant to the President of the Magic Chef Club, who tries to run the club while President Ramen is out finding the best ramen shop. Meanwhile Mr Tofu is out to destroy all ramen shops because he wants tofu to become the only food in Japan, it's the only thing worth making - or eating. Join us for one of the greatest ramen-related shows of all time. President Ramen has been set on a quest to find the best Ramen shop, leaving his slightly idiotic kawaii assistant to run the kitchen, all while being foiled by the infamous Mr. Jong Tofu!
Opening Theme Song: The Ramen Is Ready!
Welcome to the greatest ramen shop on Earth!
A quest to find the best Ramen, a sous chef who can only cook an omelette, and a tofu obsessed maniac!
THE RAMEN IS READY!
Ramen, Ramen, the magical food
the more you eat the more you -
Tofusolicious it's good for you!
It's not your part, Mr. Tofu!
Kawii!
Episode ONE: Dreams of Heartbreak and Ramen
Enter Dream Sequence: Mr. Ramen, has a semi-prophetic dream when he dreams about an evil maniac who is going to destroy all of his favourite food - Ramen - duh! And because President Ramen knows that dreams are always to be believed, he leaves his school to go protect the best Ramen Shop.
Episode TWO: Overcooked Noodle Wad
Mr. Assistant is facing a a major obstical running the MAGIC CHEF CLUB . . . while the only thing he can cook successfully is an omelette. Burnt chicken, over-cooked noodles, watery frosting? What's going to go wrong with Fred Assistant in the kitchen this time?
Episode THREE: Tofu Preacher
President Ramen has started his quest, however he meets a stange man standing on a podium preaching about tofu. President Ramen walks away confused, but he has an unsettling sense of familiarity about the starnge balck haired man wearing an I <3 Tofu shirt. When President Ramen reaches the next shop it's mysteriously closed!!!
Thursday Nights at 8:00 PM (cooking show prime time)
An anime about Johnathan Kettering-Abrams-Finch, nickname - President Ramen, who eats Ramen every night, and Mr. Assistant, his sidekick, assistant to the President of the Magic Chef Club, who tries to run the club while President Ramen is out finding the best ramen shop. Meanwhile Mr Tofu is out to destroy all ramen shops because he wants tofu to become the only food in Japan, it's the only thing worth making - or eating. Join us for one of the greatest ramen-related shows of all time. President Ramen has been set on a quest to find the best Ramen shop, leaving his slightly idiotic kawaii assistant to run the kitchen, all while being foiled by the infamous Mr. Jong Tofu!
Opening Theme Song: The Ramen Is Ready!
Welcome to the greatest ramen shop on Earth!
A quest to find the best Ramen, a sous chef who can only cook an omelette, and a tofu obsessed maniac!
THE RAMEN IS READY!
Ramen, Ramen, the magical food
the more you eat the more you -
Tofusolicious it's good for you!
It's not your part, Mr. Tofu!
Kawii!
Episode ONE: Dreams of Heartbreak and Ramen
Enter Dream Sequence: Mr. Ramen, has a semi-prophetic dream when he dreams about an evil maniac who is going to destroy all of his favourite food - Ramen - duh! And because President Ramen knows that dreams are always to be believed, he leaves his school to go protect the best Ramen Shop.
Episode TWO: Overcooked Noodle Wad
Mr. Assistant is facing a a major obstical running the MAGIC CHEF CLUB . . . while the only thing he can cook successfully is an omelette. Burnt chicken, over-cooked noodles, watery frosting? What's going to go wrong with Fred Assistant in the kitchen this time?
Episode THREE: Tofu Preacher
President Ramen has started his quest, however he meets a stange man standing on a podium preaching about tofu. President Ramen walks away confused, but he has an unsettling sense of familiarity about the starnge balck haired man wearing an I <3 Tofu shirt. When President Ramen reaches the next shop it's mysteriously closed!!!
THE LAST VIRGIN
3:00 PM Thursday & 2:00 AM Saturday
"When half the world wants to throw you into a volcano and the other half wants to turn you into oil - you are the last virgin."
From the fabulous creators of Frozen, Wreck It Ralph, Big Hero Six, Dead Pool, and Hell's Kitchen comes the breakthrough drama of the year.
R - May be offensive to some audiences
The Last Virgin - COMING THIS FALL
3:00 PM Thursday & 2:00 AM Saturday
"When half the world wants to throw you into a volcano and the other half wants to turn you into oil - you are the last virgin."
From the fabulous creators of Frozen, Wreck It Ralph, Big Hero Six, Dead Pool, and Hell's Kitchen comes the breakthrough drama of the year.
R - May be offensive to some audiences
The Last Virgin - COMING THIS FALL
ANIME RADIO - CLUBS UNITE (by Jamie, Tom, Eva, Anna, and Kim)
By Tomas
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By The Dark Lord
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By The Dark Lord
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By Tomas
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New series - Space Pirates by The Dark Lord
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RIO TV - Movie of the Week
DEMONIC SUMMER
by the Movie Day team
By Eva
RIO - POETRY CORNER
Because we're super fancy like that.
by Kim
Poetry by Krysia
Poetry by The Dark Lord
by Kim
by The Dark Lord
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By The Dark Lord
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The Tales of Otis & Belinda, WordsWorth 2018
Written by Jamie Yawney
Part 1
Canada goose Otis was going to fly across Canada. Bored because of an incessant winter, Otis was determined to find regions in Canada more interesting than Calgary. Luckily, Otis could speak English, French, and a wide variety of First Nations languages, and so language was no problem.
“First I will head east,” decided Otis. “Until I reach the most obscure lands, and meet the most obscure geese.” And so he set off, honking brilliantly, much to the amazement of all those watching.
When Otis reached the gooselands, he was greeted by a horrifying sight--a dead goose?? Otis gasped and turned to the first other goose he saw at the crime scene.
“What’s going on?” Otis demanded.
“The name’s Goose Ducktective,” responded the other goose. “And I’m gonna crack this case if it’s the last thing I do.” He tipped his fedora to Otis, who couldn’t help but blush at the other goose’s cool demeanor.
Otis fell in love instantly. This goose was so suave, so effortlessly cool. Otis was only an ordinary goose, who had lived around ordinary geese all his life. This Goose Ducktective really was something special, something unique. Otis’ heart ached at the thought of being far too plain for the magnificent creature before him.
Otis wasn’t really sure what to do-he had just stumbled across a dead body? Was it appropriate to flirt over a dead body? Otis didn’t want Ducktective to think of him as having no respect.
But this goose. Otis couldn’t let the opportunity pass.
...However, he would have to be careful if he wanted to progress his relationship with this goose. After all, any relationships had been banned under the new Conservative government. Luckily, he knew a place that harbored geese like him, and wouldn’t let his love pass him by. He and the other goose flew through the grungy and decrepit streets of Edmonton to a small establishment called The Greasy Spoon.
Otis suddenly looked over to see his wife, Belinda, crying next to him. She looked so angry and hurt.
“Belinda baby, what’s wrong?” he asked.
“Shut it Otis, you know what you did,” she hissed.
And just like that she slapped him with her wing and flew away. Otis just watched in shock.
“Belindaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” he screamed. It echoed in the distance.
Now Otis was all alone in a deep dark forest. Shadows lurking, branches cracking.
“Belinda?” he whispered with fear in his voice. “What should I do? What would Belinda do?” he said to himself, frozen in the middle of the pathway.
Suddenly, his eyes burned with a bright light.
“Belinda?” he croaked. He felt his feet leave the ground. He flapped his wings in panic, and his body rolled in midair, moving steadily upwards. He was caught in some kind of beam. Squinting against the light, he couldn’t see where it ended. “Belinda!” he shouted, and then—and then.
He was on some kind of vehicle. It was shiny, with many buttons. He blinked rapidly, his eyes adjusting. But no sooner had he spotted the creatures before him he was pricked with a needle and felt his eyes grow heavy.
-Your Mailtime Storytime
Part 2
Otis the Goose could only stare in fear at the alien beings before him. ‘What do they want from me?’ he thought.
“We heard of your skill as a mechanic,” said one of the aliens in a high-pitched voice.
“Y-yes,” honked Otis.
“We want you to participate in a space race to entertain the entire universe. As a mechanic.”
“Y-yes?” Otis said, confused.
“Please come with us. You will need to meet the driver.”
A weak, frail-looking man in a fancy jacket with a spaceship suddenly hyper drove towards them.
“This is San Holo, captain of the Fillenium Malcon,” said the alien. Otis was overwhelmed. What was he supposed to do?
‘Races aren’t supposed to need mechanics! I might be throwing myself into a war!’ Otis thought.
“If you win, we will you give you 1,367,289 space dollhairs,” said the alien.” Please. Pretty pleeease. Now, please come and meet the other racers. The race will begin soon.”
Otis got scared as he followed the aliens. Then he looked at the bright side. With all that money, he would become rich! He could forget all about Belinda. Oh, Belinda...how Otis wished he could see her again, to apologize.
But Otis was in for a surprise as he looked at the other racers. There she was—Belinda, standing next to Binky the Elf(who was pregnant.) Behind them was a gigantic goose-shaped ship.
“I’ll always be one step ahead of you, Otis,” Belinda said. Otis’s eyes widened-if goose eyes can widen-and he instantly regretted wanting to see her.
-Your Mailtime Storytime
Part 3
“I’m going to take you down, Belinda, and all in one fell swoop. One goose swoop,” Otis boldly said.
Binky and Belinda-the Double Dream Team-collectively frowned before turning away and teleporting back into their ship.
Before the race, San Holo and Otis designed and installed an attack mechanism-a mesmerizing goose honk to reduce enemies to stupidity.
And then, without further ado, the race began.
The Fillenium Malcon shot forwards. Quickly passing was Gumby in the driver’s seat, sticking his tongue out. Otis was enraged, but his anger was quickly setoff when Gumby got stuck in the mouth of a giant space goldfish.
Otis fist-bumped San - if geese can fist bump - and they boosted forwards, passing a planet engulfed in eternal flames.
Their next opponents were Chain and Sharp Steelblade, in their stylish ship the Razorcutter. Launching from above their ship was a gun-not even they knew what kind-that fired round after round towards the Fillenium Malcon. San narrowly avoided it and unleashed their Total Battering Ram, pummeling the Razorcutter into the farthest obscurities of the universe.
“You will go no further, goose man,” said Hans in a German accent, sitting in the zzemptyplacenflyinthroughinpeopleholdentinnencannon. And then—Belinda came crashing through.
“Belinda?” Otis said.
“Otis,” Belinda said.
“Belin...da?” Otis repeated, a tinge of fear creeping into his voice.
“Otiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisss!” shouted Belinda in a fury of rage.
The final battle was coming.
-Your Mailtime Storytime
Part 4
Otis was scared. So, so scared of what the enraged Belinda would do. Belinda had fire in her eyes. Otis gulped—if geese can gulp.
“Belinda, no. No no no. Please, don’t do this to me. It doesn’t have to be like this,” Otis croaked.
“Deploy the Wild Goose Attack!!” commanded Belinda. Binky reached up for a lever and pulled it down. Instantly, the spaceship transformed, and a steel beak collided with the Fillenium Malcon.
Otis honked in fear. The gooseship reversed to original form and shot forwards. From a tree planet, the audience roared in excitement.
“Not so fast, goose woman,” said the German Hans. A tin cannon launched a projectile, which exploded on Belinda’s ship.
“Be...Belinda, I think I’m going into labour,” cried Binky the Elf, holding his shaking stomach. “I’m going to lie down.”
‘This is my chance!’ thought Otis. He nodded to San Holo, and the ship launched into hyperdrive.
“You’re not going anywhere!” came an aggressive, goosey voice. How? How was Belinda still going head to head - well, beak to beak - with Otis!? Their mechanic was out of order, and Hans was insistently targeting them!
“Belinda, I’m sorry! I’m sorry that I ever left you. I shouldn’t have done it. This never should have happened!” Otis cried.
The look of shock and emotion on Belinda’s face stayed momentarily before it was permanently replaced by a determined stare. Belinda cackled, and despite all odds, the ship shot forwards. Goose wings flapped to create a flurry of speed.
San Holo and Otis chased after her. But as the goose ship’s beak literally gobbled up the finishing line, Otis lost all hope. Belinda had won.
“No..why? Why? Why, Belinda?”
-Your Mailtime Storytime
Part 5
The race had ended, and all had disembarked their ships. Otis had come in 2nd place, followed closely by Hans, and afterwards, the Razorcutter in 4th, and Gumby in 5th.
“Belinda the Goose and Binky the Elf have won the race!” announced an alien commentator.
As Binky was rushed to the hospital for a baby delivery, Otis flew - or sort of half flew, half floated - over to Belinda.
“Do you not accept my apology, Belinda?” Otis asked, tears welling up in his eyes. Otis winced as Belinda slapped him in the beak.
“You apologizing to me for what you did is no reason for me to let you win!” Belinda said, and she began to cry, too—if geese can cry.
Suddenly, Otis’s own greed and pettiness became obvious to him. He’d just been out to prove himself better than Belinda, and to win the race money(well, space dollhairs.)
“Besides, Otis,” began Belinda,” I wanted to prove that I’m better than you. And to win the 1,367,289 space dollhairs.”
“Wait...won’t you have to split it with Binky?”
“No. Binky doesn’t care anymore, now that he’s had...or having...his baby and can go back to his spouse.”
“You mean, it’s not you?” Otis asked.
“Binky’s married to a moose,” Belinda answered. “So I’m going to keep the space dollhairs.” If she was THIS greedy, Otis wondered why she ever married her in the first place.
But then all of a sudden, Belinda embraced Otis. She gave him a beautiful smile, and Otis returned the hug.
“Otis?”
“Y-yes?” Otis nervously replied.
“That race was fun. I wanna race more, but I don’t have a partner...so do you want to join me, and we can become a universally famous goose duo? Won’t you?”
Otis could feel his emotions bursting forth. It was as if happiness had rained down upon them.
“Does that mean that you forgive me?” Otis said.
“Of course I do,” Belinda said, nodding - well, more like waving her beak up and down. “If I didn’t really love you, would I have chased you all the way out into space?”
“Then let’s go,” Otis said. “We’ve got work to do.” Hand in hand - or, possibly more like wing in wing - Otis and Belinda walked into their goose ship together.
“Oh, but first, can we pick up the 1,367,289 space dollhairs?” asked Belinda.
THE END
-This has been your mailtime storytime, written by Jamie Y.
Part 1
Canada goose Otis was going to fly across Canada. Bored because of an incessant winter, Otis was determined to find regions in Canada more interesting than Calgary. Luckily, Otis could speak English, French, and a wide variety of First Nations languages, and so language was no problem.
“First I will head east,” decided Otis. “Until I reach the most obscure lands, and meet the most obscure geese.” And so he set off, honking brilliantly, much to the amazement of all those watching.
When Otis reached the gooselands, he was greeted by a horrifying sight--a dead goose?? Otis gasped and turned to the first other goose he saw at the crime scene.
“What’s going on?” Otis demanded.
“The name’s Goose Ducktective,” responded the other goose. “And I’m gonna crack this case if it’s the last thing I do.” He tipped his fedora to Otis, who couldn’t help but blush at the other goose’s cool demeanor.
Otis fell in love instantly. This goose was so suave, so effortlessly cool. Otis was only an ordinary goose, who had lived around ordinary geese all his life. This Goose Ducktective really was something special, something unique. Otis’ heart ached at the thought of being far too plain for the magnificent creature before him.
Otis wasn’t really sure what to do-he had just stumbled across a dead body? Was it appropriate to flirt over a dead body? Otis didn’t want Ducktective to think of him as having no respect.
But this goose. Otis couldn’t let the opportunity pass.
...However, he would have to be careful if he wanted to progress his relationship with this goose. After all, any relationships had been banned under the new Conservative government. Luckily, he knew a place that harbored geese like him, and wouldn’t let his love pass him by. He and the other goose flew through the grungy and decrepit streets of Edmonton to a small establishment called The Greasy Spoon.
Otis suddenly looked over to see his wife, Belinda, crying next to him. She looked so angry and hurt.
“Belinda baby, what’s wrong?” he asked.
“Shut it Otis, you know what you did,” she hissed.
And just like that she slapped him with her wing and flew away. Otis just watched in shock.
“Belindaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” he screamed. It echoed in the distance.
Now Otis was all alone in a deep dark forest. Shadows lurking, branches cracking.
“Belinda?” he whispered with fear in his voice. “What should I do? What would Belinda do?” he said to himself, frozen in the middle of the pathway.
Suddenly, his eyes burned with a bright light.
“Belinda?” he croaked. He felt his feet leave the ground. He flapped his wings in panic, and his body rolled in midair, moving steadily upwards. He was caught in some kind of beam. Squinting against the light, he couldn’t see where it ended. “Belinda!” he shouted, and then—and then.
He was on some kind of vehicle. It was shiny, with many buttons. He blinked rapidly, his eyes adjusting. But no sooner had he spotted the creatures before him he was pricked with a needle and felt his eyes grow heavy.
-Your Mailtime Storytime
Part 2
Otis the Goose could only stare in fear at the alien beings before him. ‘What do they want from me?’ he thought.
“We heard of your skill as a mechanic,” said one of the aliens in a high-pitched voice.
“Y-yes,” honked Otis.
“We want you to participate in a space race to entertain the entire universe. As a mechanic.”
“Y-yes?” Otis said, confused.
“Please come with us. You will need to meet the driver.”
A weak, frail-looking man in a fancy jacket with a spaceship suddenly hyper drove towards them.
“This is San Holo, captain of the Fillenium Malcon,” said the alien. Otis was overwhelmed. What was he supposed to do?
‘Races aren’t supposed to need mechanics! I might be throwing myself into a war!’ Otis thought.
“If you win, we will you give you 1,367,289 space dollhairs,” said the alien.” Please. Pretty pleeease. Now, please come and meet the other racers. The race will begin soon.”
Otis got scared as he followed the aliens. Then he looked at the bright side. With all that money, he would become rich! He could forget all about Belinda. Oh, Belinda...how Otis wished he could see her again, to apologize.
But Otis was in for a surprise as he looked at the other racers. There she was—Belinda, standing next to Binky the Elf(who was pregnant.) Behind them was a gigantic goose-shaped ship.
“I’ll always be one step ahead of you, Otis,” Belinda said. Otis’s eyes widened-if goose eyes can widen-and he instantly regretted wanting to see her.
-Your Mailtime Storytime
Part 3
“I’m going to take you down, Belinda, and all in one fell swoop. One goose swoop,” Otis boldly said.
Binky and Belinda-the Double Dream Team-collectively frowned before turning away and teleporting back into their ship.
Before the race, San Holo and Otis designed and installed an attack mechanism-a mesmerizing goose honk to reduce enemies to stupidity.
And then, without further ado, the race began.
The Fillenium Malcon shot forwards. Quickly passing was Gumby in the driver’s seat, sticking his tongue out. Otis was enraged, but his anger was quickly setoff when Gumby got stuck in the mouth of a giant space goldfish.
Otis fist-bumped San - if geese can fist bump - and they boosted forwards, passing a planet engulfed in eternal flames.
Their next opponents were Chain and Sharp Steelblade, in their stylish ship the Razorcutter. Launching from above their ship was a gun-not even they knew what kind-that fired round after round towards the Fillenium Malcon. San narrowly avoided it and unleashed their Total Battering Ram, pummeling the Razorcutter into the farthest obscurities of the universe.
“You will go no further, goose man,” said Hans in a German accent, sitting in the zzemptyplacenflyinthroughinpeopleholdentinnencannon. And then—Belinda came crashing through.
“Belinda?” Otis said.
“Otis,” Belinda said.
“Belin...da?” Otis repeated, a tinge of fear creeping into his voice.
“Otiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisss!” shouted Belinda in a fury of rage.
The final battle was coming.
-Your Mailtime Storytime
Part 4
Otis was scared. So, so scared of what the enraged Belinda would do. Belinda had fire in her eyes. Otis gulped—if geese can gulp.
“Belinda, no. No no no. Please, don’t do this to me. It doesn’t have to be like this,” Otis croaked.
“Deploy the Wild Goose Attack!!” commanded Belinda. Binky reached up for a lever and pulled it down. Instantly, the spaceship transformed, and a steel beak collided with the Fillenium Malcon.
Otis honked in fear. The gooseship reversed to original form and shot forwards. From a tree planet, the audience roared in excitement.
“Not so fast, goose woman,” said the German Hans. A tin cannon launched a projectile, which exploded on Belinda’s ship.
“Be...Belinda, I think I’m going into labour,” cried Binky the Elf, holding his shaking stomach. “I’m going to lie down.”
‘This is my chance!’ thought Otis. He nodded to San Holo, and the ship launched into hyperdrive.
“You’re not going anywhere!” came an aggressive, goosey voice. How? How was Belinda still going head to head - well, beak to beak - with Otis!? Their mechanic was out of order, and Hans was insistently targeting them!
“Belinda, I’m sorry! I’m sorry that I ever left you. I shouldn’t have done it. This never should have happened!” Otis cried.
The look of shock and emotion on Belinda’s face stayed momentarily before it was permanently replaced by a determined stare. Belinda cackled, and despite all odds, the ship shot forwards. Goose wings flapped to create a flurry of speed.
San Holo and Otis chased after her. But as the goose ship’s beak literally gobbled up the finishing line, Otis lost all hope. Belinda had won.
“No..why? Why? Why, Belinda?”
-Your Mailtime Storytime
Part 5
The race had ended, and all had disembarked their ships. Otis had come in 2nd place, followed closely by Hans, and afterwards, the Razorcutter in 4th, and Gumby in 5th.
“Belinda the Goose and Binky the Elf have won the race!” announced an alien commentator.
As Binky was rushed to the hospital for a baby delivery, Otis flew - or sort of half flew, half floated - over to Belinda.
“Do you not accept my apology, Belinda?” Otis asked, tears welling up in his eyes. Otis winced as Belinda slapped him in the beak.
“You apologizing to me for what you did is no reason for me to let you win!” Belinda said, and she began to cry, too—if geese can cry.
Suddenly, Otis’s own greed and pettiness became obvious to him. He’d just been out to prove himself better than Belinda, and to win the race money(well, space dollhairs.)
“Besides, Otis,” began Belinda,” I wanted to prove that I’m better than you. And to win the 1,367,289 space dollhairs.”
“Wait...won’t you have to split it with Binky?”
“No. Binky doesn’t care anymore, now that he’s had...or having...his baby and can go back to his spouse.”
“You mean, it’s not you?” Otis asked.
“Binky’s married to a moose,” Belinda answered. “So I’m going to keep the space dollhairs.” If she was THIS greedy, Otis wondered why she ever married her in the first place.
But then all of a sudden, Belinda embraced Otis. She gave him a beautiful smile, and Otis returned the hug.
“Otis?”
“Y-yes?” Otis nervously replied.
“That race was fun. I wanna race more, but I don’t have a partner...so do you want to join me, and we can become a universally famous goose duo? Won’t you?”
Otis could feel his emotions bursting forth. It was as if happiness had rained down upon them.
“Does that mean that you forgive me?” Otis said.
“Of course I do,” Belinda said, nodding - well, more like waving her beak up and down. “If I didn’t really love you, would I have chased you all the way out into space?”
“Then let’s go,” Otis said. “We’ve got work to do.” Hand in hand - or, possibly more like wing in wing - Otis and Belinda walked into their goose ship together.
“Oh, but first, can we pick up the 1,367,289 space dollhairs?” asked Belinda.
THE END
-This has been your mailtime storytime, written by Jamie Y.