RIO'S SPRING E-ZINE
TRAVELERS, PRINCESSES, AND PARTIES!
POSTCARDS FROM THE TRAVELER
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
This is my first time visiting New York. I have created a secret writing lab on the top story of the Statue of Liberty. I met Spiderman there to write his crazy stories.
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
Today I am experiencing something very disturbing but, as I must admit, something good to write about. There were sick children, people with broken body parts, and people in white coats fixing them. I must say, the whole thing reminded me of Seymour the Mad Scientist.
- The Traveller
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
I have come to this place it is currently night and there is strange food everyone was eating out of garbage bags and people seem to be hypnotized by this white thingy and the first “film” was all about kissing and the second was about killing.
- The Traveller
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
I happened upon a strange sort of game today. People were paying a fair amount of money to be locked inside a room, from which they emerged some time later. Curious, I paid my fare and entered the room, expecting some sort of entertainment. It was a small room, with fine furniture. Suddenly, the door shut behind me, leaving me quite alone. I waited for a few minutes for a show to begin, then began to panic as it seemed I had been abandoned. Fortunately for me, my foolish captors left a number of obvious clues which I used to escape. I will not be returning to this terrifying and cruel “entertainment”.
- The Traveller
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
Today I followed some adults pushing strollers to a place. Because I was bored, I followed them. I was forced to pay at the door, and I didn’t know why! All I found inside were some squawking and honking animals. Why’d I have to pay for that? Soon afterwards, I realized my true purpose! I was meant by divine fate to write the stories of these porrp entrapped animals and send them out to the world abroad!
- The Traveller
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
I visited a most dangerous and sickening locale on a cliff side town today. Come sunrise, the whole town was echoing with screams, so naturally I looked for their source. The nefarious locals have taken to tying visitors by the feet and throwing them off the cliff. Listening to their shrieks, taking photos for research, nearly letting the be dashed against the rocks to know second hand what it’s like for their action scenes.
- The Traveler
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
I just had a great new idea for a story based off this building I visited. In said building, employees of incredible speed whipped up burgers in seconds. What happened next was incredible. The customers ate the food! The craziest part is the drive through. The employees speak through an elaborate PA system then through telepathic communication a different employer handed me their order. I felt like a king! Like from Macbeth.
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
This is my first time visiting New York. I have created a secret writing lab on the top story of the Statue of Liberty. I met Spiderman there to write his crazy stories.
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
Today I am experiencing something very disturbing but, as I must admit, something good to write about. There were sick children, people with broken body parts, and people in white coats fixing them. I must say, the whole thing reminded me of Seymour the Mad Scientist.
- The Traveller
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
I have come to this place it is currently night and there is strange food everyone was eating out of garbage bags and people seem to be hypnotized by this white thingy and the first “film” was all about kissing and the second was about killing.
- The Traveller
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
I happened upon a strange sort of game today. People were paying a fair amount of money to be locked inside a room, from which they emerged some time later. Curious, I paid my fare and entered the room, expecting some sort of entertainment. It was a small room, with fine furniture. Suddenly, the door shut behind me, leaving me quite alone. I waited for a few minutes for a show to begin, then began to panic as it seemed I had been abandoned. Fortunately for me, my foolish captors left a number of obvious clues which I used to escape. I will not be returning to this terrifying and cruel “entertainment”.
- The Traveller
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
Today I followed some adults pushing strollers to a place. Because I was bored, I followed them. I was forced to pay at the door, and I didn’t know why! All I found inside were some squawking and honking animals. Why’d I have to pay for that? Soon afterwards, I realized my true purpose! I was meant by divine fate to write the stories of these porrp entrapped animals and send them out to the world abroad!
- The Traveller
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
I visited a most dangerous and sickening locale on a cliff side town today. Come sunrise, the whole town was echoing with screams, so naturally I looked for their source. The nefarious locals have taken to tying visitors by the feet and throwing them off the cliff. Listening to their shrieks, taking photos for research, nearly letting the be dashed against the rocks to know second hand what it’s like for their action scenes.
- The Traveler
Dear RIO Inhabitants,
I just had a great new idea for a story based off this building I visited. In said building, employees of incredible speed whipped up burgers in seconds. What happened next was incredible. The customers ate the food! The craziest part is the drive through. The employees speak through an elaborate PA system then through telepathic communication a different employer handed me their order. I felt like a king! Like from Macbeth.
By Lina Kat
MONSTERS OF RIO
Beezilla
First spotted in a canola field outside of Calgary in 1927. Last seen by Shela, soccer mom, driving back from a game in Innisfail, early June, 2018. Eats nectar, pollen, and tourists from Japan. Beezilla is a GMO lab experiment gone wrong. Now it is Canada's newest cryptid.
First spotted in a canola field outside of Calgary in 1927. Last seen by Shela, soccer mom, driving back from a game in Innisfail, early June, 2018. Eats nectar, pollen, and tourists from Japan. Beezilla is a GMO lab experiment gone wrong. Now it is Canada's newest cryptid.
Arctic Sea Swimmer
First spotted in the Hudson's Bay in winter, 1841. Seen by an Arctic research boat approaching permanent ice in summer 2003. Eats fish, artic sea birds, people (?). Natural species (?) Or human magically adapted to live in the Arctic ocean(?). Size - four foot average, though eight feet was recorded in 2003.
First spotted in the Hudson's Bay in winter, 1841. Seen by an Arctic research boat approaching permanent ice in summer 2003. Eats fish, artic sea birds, people (?). Natural species (?) Or human magically adapted to live in the Arctic ocean(?). Size - four foot average, though eight feet was recorded in 2003.
Badazooch
First spotted by the beach in Mexico, 1947. Last seen by a lake in Fish Creek Provincial Park, 2018. Eats eels. Can vary in size from two feet to twelve feet. Smells like fish and eels. Makes high pitched wails.
First spotted by the beach in Mexico, 1947. Last seen by a lake in Fish Creek Provincial Park, 2018. Eats eels. Can vary in size from two feet to twelve feet. Smells like fish and eels. Makes high pitched wails.
Choce
First spotted July 4, 2019. Last seen January 1, 2020. Eats pizza, coffee, and legs. The Choce was a lizard who merged with a rooster and went into the world. Everyone was mean to them, but they learned to embrace themselves and became a drag queen at night and a maid on the side. Speaks English.
First spotted July 4, 2019. Last seen January 1, 2020. Eats pizza, coffee, and legs. The Choce was a lizard who merged with a rooster and went into the world. Everyone was mean to them, but they learned to embrace themselves and became a drag queen at night and a maid on the side. Speaks English.
The Politician
The most frightening monster of all! Enough said.
The most frightening monster of all! Enough said.
Fella
Fella was first spotted in 1822 outside a bar in Calgary by a severely intoxicated fella, which is how Fella came about his distinct name. Fella was last seen by a dog in a house in 1979. Fella usually eats grass and leaves but has been known to accidentally devour families whole. Fella's original species is unknown but his current appearance is because he fell in a vat of glue and picked up fallen body parts around him accidentally.
Fella was first spotted in 1822 outside a bar in Calgary by a severely intoxicated fella, which is how Fella came about his distinct name. Fella was last seen by a dog in a house in 1979. Fella usually eats grass and leaves but has been known to accidentally devour families whole. Fella's original species is unknown but his current appearance is because he fell in a vat of glue and picked up fallen body parts around him accidentally.
Werecat
First spotted on the beach. Last seen in your basement. Eats a diet of cat food and is six feet tall.
First spotted on the beach. Last seen in your basement. Eats a diet of cat food and is six feet tall.
Cowkoda
First spotted in a dance class. Last seen in an old school. Eats children. Cowkoda is three feet tall and likes math and blood. It sounds like a turkey.
First spotted in a dance class. Last seen in an old school. Eats children. Cowkoda is three feet tall and likes math and blood. It sounds like a turkey.
A TALE OF A PRINCESS
The Tale of Princess Princess by Jamie Yawney
Once upon a time, there was a royal family called princess. The name was emblazoned upon their door, brilliantly, yet there were signs of shame. The golden name plate hadn't been cleaned in years, and was covered in mud and dirt, so much so that it said, 'incess instead.
Living in this home was King Princess, Queen Princess, Prince Princess, and Princess Princess (usually known as Pipi). Pipi went to a royal ball where she met a prince. She introduced herself as Princess Pipi, but the prince was completely and utterly unafraid to introduce him as Prince Prince.
Neeless to say Princess Princess died of dishonesty.
The End of Princess McPretty by Eli Smart
The Editor was struggling on what to add. Princesses everywhere as far as the eye could see. But there was one princess who was so RUDE to the other princesses and TERRIBLE to the plot of the story and useless as a character - the Editor didn't know what to do. So in his fifth draft of his movie, Princesses: Eternity Fight, he had to cut her out! In the process she died a horrible death and sadly, that was the end of Princess McPretty.
The Tale of Princess Princess by Jamie Yawney
Once upon a time, there was a royal family called princess. The name was emblazoned upon their door, brilliantly, yet there were signs of shame. The golden name plate hadn't been cleaned in years, and was covered in mud and dirt, so much so that it said, 'incess instead.
Living in this home was King Princess, Queen Princess, Prince Princess, and Princess Princess (usually known as Pipi). Pipi went to a royal ball where she met a prince. She introduced herself as Princess Pipi, but the prince was completely and utterly unafraid to introduce him as Prince Prince.
Neeless to say Princess Princess died of dishonesty.
The End of Princess McPretty by Eli Smart
The Editor was struggling on what to add. Princesses everywhere as far as the eye could see. But there was one princess who was so RUDE to the other princesses and TERRIBLE to the plot of the story and useless as a character - the Editor didn't know what to do. So in his fifth draft of his movie, Princesses: Eternity Fight, he had to cut her out! In the process she died a horrible death and sadly, that was the end of Princess McPretty.
The Princess and the Cucumber by Jasmine
Once there was a princess and she said in her head, I'm Fat. So she ate lots of peas. But then she said, I want cucumber. She ate the cucumber but she still had it in her mouth when she saw some chips. She ran to the chips but tripped and choked on the cucumber.
Moral: Healthy food will kill you.
Once there was a princess and she said in her head, I'm Fat. So she ate lots of peas. But then she said, I want cucumber. She ate the cucumber but she still had it in her mouth when she saw some chips. She ran to the chips but tripped and choked on the cucumber.
Moral: Healthy food will kill you.
Extynda's Plan by Jamie Yawney
That night, Exynda held a strategy meeting. Gathered around the cracling fire, sustained by the power of their fire mages, Exynda stood up and raised her hand. The party instantly quieted down.
"We've got to invade Harzen, " Exynda began, "If we don't, they'll steal away our outermost villages." She nervously fiddled with her sheath, lifting her sword in and out. Nobody noticed. "Do you all have ... any opinions?" Exynda was decked out in magically reinforced armor, glowing to signify its enchantment. She sat down on a log and awaited their comments.
Mission Complete! by Eli Smart
The princess woke up with a prince looming over her. He had cuts and burns as far as the castle itself!
"Wha... what's up?" she said, this being the first time she'd been saved.
"The... the..." He was shuddering. "The dragon is REALLY hard to fight and I might DIE if I do it alone again!"
The princess looked confused. "Why don't I help you?"
He sighed. "That might work."
She jumped up with a smirk on her face. "It WILL work!"
The dragon looked around sniffing and trying to find his dinner. Suddenly the prince threw a pillow at him. The dragon looked over. "Fool! You dare try that IDIOTIC idea on me? Ha ha ha ha!"
"Stupid?" the princess said offended. She swung from her bed spread and landed on the dragon's head. The prince tossed her his broken sword and she stabbed the dragon in the eye!
They ran off, their mission complete.
That night, Exynda held a strategy meeting. Gathered around the cracling fire, sustained by the power of their fire mages, Exynda stood up and raised her hand. The party instantly quieted down.
"We've got to invade Harzen, " Exynda began, "If we don't, they'll steal away our outermost villages." She nervously fiddled with her sheath, lifting her sword in and out. Nobody noticed. "Do you all have ... any opinions?" Exynda was decked out in magically reinforced armor, glowing to signify its enchantment. She sat down on a log and awaited their comments.
Mission Complete! by Eli Smart
The princess woke up with a prince looming over her. He had cuts and burns as far as the castle itself!
"Wha... what's up?" she said, this being the first time she'd been saved.
"The... the..." He was shuddering. "The dragon is REALLY hard to fight and I might DIE if I do it alone again!"
The princess looked confused. "Why don't I help you?"
He sighed. "That might work."
She jumped up with a smirk on her face. "It WILL work!"
The dragon looked around sniffing and trying to find his dinner. Suddenly the prince threw a pillow at him. The dragon looked over. "Fool! You dare try that IDIOTIC idea on me? Ha ha ha ha!"
"Stupid?" the princess said offended. She swung from her bed spread and landed on the dragon's head. The prince tossed her his broken sword and she stabbed the dragon in the eye!
They ran off, their mission complete.
AN ELEGANT PARTY by the Novelmancers
Baz: So, how many people do you think will be here?
Kaelia: I don't know... I hope a lot.
Baz: Yeah, me too - I guess.
Kaelia: Hey, isn't that your ex?
Baz: Yeah, Actually. Can we avoid them? It ended pretty messily.
Kaelia: Oh really... Well, all the more reason to talk with them. Come on... Go!
Baz: No. Wait. Stop. I think they're looking. Pretend to laugh!
Kaelia: (In a loud fake voice) Oh, you've already moved on, huh?
Baz: Oh my gosh... shhh. Stop. Let's just go.
Kaelia: (Still loud) Wait! You mean you never really loved your ex?
Baz: Kaelia, I'm being serious! This is really embarrasing! I want to leave now!
Kaelia: Okay. Fine. Party pooper. But... there's a really neat party tomorrow night! You HAVE to go
with me!
Baz: ... okay.
Eryn: Good evening.
Mika: Sup. Didn't think you'd come.
Eryn: To be honest, I didn't really want to, just so y'know.
Mika: Tsun Tusn.
Eryn: ...? Tsun tusn?
Mika: You know you wanted to go, you big nerd. You chill with me. I'm not dancing or anything.
Eryn: Thank goodness. I couldn't dance to save my father's cancer. I don't want to waste my time,
so, do you know anything about who's rinning this party?
Mika: Nah, I wasn't invited.
Eryn: And neither was I. I'm just here to get information, y'know.
Mika: Hah! Same!
Eryn: (Sighing) I don't think you really understand. These are dire circumstances. The party host
might be smuggling illegal drugs.
Mika: Good or her. I'm just getting some choice video of bad dancing.
Eryn: (Clicking her tongue) I'll see you after the party, Mika.
Mika: Don't get killed.
Zima: Come on! Just dance one song with me!
Calla: Why not? I'll look good next to your half-baked ckicken dance.
Zima: (Scoffing) Is that a challenge?
Calla: How could it not be? I'll destroy you!
Zima: Oh ho! We'll see about that!"
Calla: It happened before! Remember last time when you tripped on your own feet and fell on
three other people? What a day it was.
Zima: It wasn't my fault! The guy with the mohawk kept bumping into me!
Calla: You call that an excuse? It would have been easy to just push him away. I'm sure he
wouldn't have minded.
Zima: Yeah? Well... AGHHH! Fine, you win. I screwed up... Happy now?
Calla: What do you think? Of course I am.
Karina: I have some important people to talk to tonight. I twould be best if you stay out of my way.
Arianne: But Karina! Last time you talked to anyone you ended up on proba.... probat... protaton...
something! You know the word I'm going for. Please, can I come with you? Please?
Karina: Beg all you want. My mind is set.
Arianne: Come on Karina. I mean, what could I possibly do? I haven't gotten in trouble since...
actually, let' snot think about that. But just think how bored you'll be without me.
Karina: (Groans) How should I put it, Arianne? If you value your sfety you'll stay away from me
tonight.
Arianne: What if I hide in your skirt? You've go that big pouffy monstrosity in your car. No one
would ever notice me.
Karina: Do you want blood all over you?
Arianne: I promise to be quiet and not say a word. Cross my heart and hope to die. I'll even pretend
to be a security kid and they won't even notice me.
Karina: ... Fine.
Baz: So, how many people do you think will be here?
Kaelia: I don't know... I hope a lot.
Baz: Yeah, me too - I guess.
Kaelia: Hey, isn't that your ex?
Baz: Yeah, Actually. Can we avoid them? It ended pretty messily.
Kaelia: Oh really... Well, all the more reason to talk with them. Come on... Go!
Baz: No. Wait. Stop. I think they're looking. Pretend to laugh!
Kaelia: (In a loud fake voice) Oh, you've already moved on, huh?
Baz: Oh my gosh... shhh. Stop. Let's just go.
Kaelia: (Still loud) Wait! You mean you never really loved your ex?
Baz: Kaelia, I'm being serious! This is really embarrasing! I want to leave now!
Kaelia: Okay. Fine. Party pooper. But... there's a really neat party tomorrow night! You HAVE to go
with me!
Baz: ... okay.
Eryn: Good evening.
Mika: Sup. Didn't think you'd come.
Eryn: To be honest, I didn't really want to, just so y'know.
Mika: Tsun Tusn.
Eryn: ...? Tsun tusn?
Mika: You know you wanted to go, you big nerd. You chill with me. I'm not dancing or anything.
Eryn: Thank goodness. I couldn't dance to save my father's cancer. I don't want to waste my time,
so, do you know anything about who's rinning this party?
Mika: Nah, I wasn't invited.
Eryn: And neither was I. I'm just here to get information, y'know.
Mika: Hah! Same!
Eryn: (Sighing) I don't think you really understand. These are dire circumstances. The party host
might be smuggling illegal drugs.
Mika: Good or her. I'm just getting some choice video of bad dancing.
Eryn: (Clicking her tongue) I'll see you after the party, Mika.
Mika: Don't get killed.
Zima: Come on! Just dance one song with me!
Calla: Why not? I'll look good next to your half-baked ckicken dance.
Zima: (Scoffing) Is that a challenge?
Calla: How could it not be? I'll destroy you!
Zima: Oh ho! We'll see about that!"
Calla: It happened before! Remember last time when you tripped on your own feet and fell on
three other people? What a day it was.
Zima: It wasn't my fault! The guy with the mohawk kept bumping into me!
Calla: You call that an excuse? It would have been easy to just push him away. I'm sure he
wouldn't have minded.
Zima: Yeah? Well... AGHHH! Fine, you win. I screwed up... Happy now?
Calla: What do you think? Of course I am.
Karina: I have some important people to talk to tonight. I twould be best if you stay out of my way.
Arianne: But Karina! Last time you talked to anyone you ended up on proba.... probat... protaton...
something! You know the word I'm going for. Please, can I come with you? Please?
Karina: Beg all you want. My mind is set.
Arianne: Come on Karina. I mean, what could I possibly do? I haven't gotten in trouble since...
actually, let' snot think about that. But just think how bored you'll be without me.
Karina: (Groans) How should I put it, Arianne? If you value your sfety you'll stay away from me
tonight.
Arianne: What if I hide in your skirt? You've go that big pouffy monstrosity in your car. No one
would ever notice me.
Karina: Do you want blood all over you?
Arianne: I promise to be quiet and not say a word. Cross my heart and hope to die. I'll even pretend
to be a security kid and they won't even notice me.
Karina: ... Fine.
Pen & Panel presents ART!!!
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by Isabella
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SPACE PIRATES by RIO pod CPL Central
Space Captain Lee
Space Captain Lee lost an arm in a shoot out. They are an information and good smuggler.
They're crew is a reprogrammed ship AI. Reliable, but tire of getting in trouble. An android mechanic from Kepler. Intimidating but generally nice. A Roomba with an AI patched in. Tiny and full of rage. And finally, Cupcake, the ship's glow cat who makes a good flashlight.
Crash Crimson on the ship, Dark Vortex by Kim Firmston
Crash is the scourge of the seven galaxies. He steals from the rich. He steals from the poor. Sometimes he has a conscience when in the right mood. His goal is to become the most feared space pirate in all of history - so long as it doesn't interfere with his fun.
His crew consists of:
Spike McDanniels - Tactitian
Leopold Striker - Navigatgor
Xmander - Oxygen grow ops
Zeelington Feegle - Engineer
Pox - Aquisitions
The Stargazer Crew on the ship, The Stargazer by Jamie Yawnie
Their goal is to witness all the stars in the universe. Unfortunately - or prehaps luckily - there is literally no end to the stars. This goal began when Captain Jandice's home planet nearly collided with a star, and they witnessed the beauty of the stars. They became the Star Thieves, but when they actually tried it they nearly got themselves killed. They have currently discreetly observed 227,683 stars and wish to see more. It's an endless journey of start discovery! Along the way, the stargazing crew picks up new members, fights pace monsters, and occasionally abducts stars - or at least tries to.
Space Captain Lee
Space Captain Lee lost an arm in a shoot out. They are an information and good smuggler.
They're crew is a reprogrammed ship AI. Reliable, but tire of getting in trouble. An android mechanic from Kepler. Intimidating but generally nice. A Roomba with an AI patched in. Tiny and full of rage. And finally, Cupcake, the ship's glow cat who makes a good flashlight.
Crash Crimson on the ship, Dark Vortex by Kim Firmston
Crash is the scourge of the seven galaxies. He steals from the rich. He steals from the poor. Sometimes he has a conscience when in the right mood. His goal is to become the most feared space pirate in all of history - so long as it doesn't interfere with his fun.
His crew consists of:
Spike McDanniels - Tactitian
Leopold Striker - Navigatgor
Xmander - Oxygen grow ops
Zeelington Feegle - Engineer
Pox - Aquisitions
The Stargazer Crew on the ship, The Stargazer by Jamie Yawnie
Their goal is to witness all the stars in the universe. Unfortunately - or prehaps luckily - there is literally no end to the stars. This goal began when Captain Jandice's home planet nearly collided with a star, and they witnessed the beauty of the stars. They became the Star Thieves, but when they actually tried it they nearly got themselves killed. They have currently discreetly observed 227,683 stars and wish to see more. It's an endless journey of start discovery! Along the way, the stargazing crew picks up new members, fights pace monsters, and occasionally abducts stars - or at least tries to.
THE NEW COLOURS OF RIO
IT'S - It's now! It's fresh! It's all you want from a colour!
ZZZT - All that electric flowing trough your mind and body. Feel the tingle!
UHHH - Everthing that's wrong with the day started with uhhh.
NOPE - Nope. you're not passing this up! Stop now and eat. Or just stop and bleed out.
ZZZT - All that electric flowing trough your mind and body. Feel the tingle!
UHHH - Everthing that's wrong with the day started with uhhh.
NOPE - Nope. you're not passing this up! Stop now and eat. Or just stop and bleed out.
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Punchman Mc Fight - Angry
Sanic - Super sanic speh Not Good - Nope. Wrong. Yellowe - New and Improved |
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SUPER VILLAINS OF RIO
The Dark Lord
Cyber terrorist - genetic mutant trying to create a common enemy for all people of Earth to band together to defeat. Wants to create a persona to re-institue pro-terroism laws. Technically doesn't commit crimes, but partners with other villains and takes credit, all while notifying heroes of evil activity. Never pysically leaves the apartment and only lives streams and sends lackeys.
Mr. Comma
Manifesto: English grammar ability sucks! I will go across the world correcting the grammar of the populous. Not just in English, but in every language! I do not target young ones, they are learning. I target everyone over the age of fifteen - when you become responsible for your grammar.
Depending on the severity of your error, you may receive capital punishment! The worst mistakes, punishable through to the thirteenth gate of Hell are:
1) Their/there/they're
2) Missing periods and capitalization
3) Your/you're
4) Misspelling ridiculously easy words!
5) Affect/effect
6) Mispelling on purpose! Ex Fortnite, so many other business names!
7) It's/Its
8) Comma misplacement!
These are punished on a case-by-case basis. Beware! you may be my next victim!
The Dark Lord
Cyber terrorist - genetic mutant trying to create a common enemy for all people of Earth to band together to defeat. Wants to create a persona to re-institue pro-terroism laws. Technically doesn't commit crimes, but partners with other villains and takes credit, all while notifying heroes of evil activity. Never pysically leaves the apartment and only lives streams and sends lackeys.
Mr. Comma
Manifesto: English grammar ability sucks! I will go across the world correcting the grammar of the populous. Not just in English, but in every language! I do not target young ones, they are learning. I target everyone over the age of fifteen - when you become responsible for your grammar.
Depending on the severity of your error, you may receive capital punishment! The worst mistakes, punishable through to the thirteenth gate of Hell are:
1) Their/there/they're
2) Missing periods and capitalization
3) Your/you're
4) Misspelling ridiculously easy words!
5) Affect/effect
6) Mispelling on purpose! Ex Fortnite, so many other business names!
7) It's/Its
8) Comma misplacement!
These are punished on a case-by-case basis. Beware! you may be my next victim!
SPRING CAMP ART AND POETRY!
ASK A SUPER VILLAIN
Dear Zuggtmay the Fungal Empress,
I wish I were brave. How do I get to be braver?
- Scared as a mouse.
Dear SAAM,
Another failing of independent will is cowardice. When you join the hive-mind of the Fungal Hierarchy, forever directed by yours truly, you will have no choices to make. No emotion, no sadness, or fear. You will never have to flee when you have the eternal support of my thousands of branches. Simply submit to my control, let the spoors fill your mind and take command, and you will never feel fear again.
- Zuggtmay the Fungal Empress
Dear Darth Vader,
I'm worried about becoming extinct. I mean, it could happen, right?
- T-Rex
Dear T-Rex,
KSH KSH Yes. Well, since you don't use the force, you have no choices. I mean, I live in space and you are already extinct (because mail service sucks and I may have helped it slow down - but that's another story). So T-Rex, enjoy your last days on Earth. Happy Hunting!
- Darth Vader
Dear Kingpin,
I tried to kill a spider but I missed it and now it's hiding somewhere in my room. I'm scared to go to sleep. What should I do?
- Arachnophobe
Dear Arachnophobe
Your situation reminds me of my early days battling Spiderman. After I first tried to kill him, he ran away. I hired some men to find him and do the dirty work for me, since I don't want my stylish white suit to get dirty. Anyway, he ended up killing all my men. He didn't mean to, but superheros suck and do everything wrong. I didn't want to do it myself - again, the stylish white suit - so I let him go to be miserable about his life and took on another challenge, Daredevil! My point is, don't waste your time with spiders, just make illegal money, smash people's heads in, and buy fifteen white suits. You might think, how does this answer my question? I'm still scared! If you're scared, you're a wimp! Unlike me in my stylish white suit.
-Kingpin
Dear Joker,
I walked through the wardrobe in the spare room and a nice lady who offered me candy. What should I do?
- Sweet Tooth
Dear Sweet Tooth,
Just take them! Go the next day and take some more! Don't eat them yet. Go again the next day and get some more. If you can't get any more, just throw the candy out. If you can - again, and again, and again - that lady isn't human. When you have collected a lot, bring them to me. I'll kill you if you eat any. I will build a candy cannon and invite my friends to have some fun! You can contact your friends to come too. I'll let you know if you can come.
- Joker
Dear Hecate,
I've had this mysterious scar since I was a baby. Does that mean I've defeated the Dark Lord? Should I be learning spells just in case?
- Worried
Dear "Worried" Child,
It sounds like you have the makings of a powerful wizard... Come visit me in my lair, we will run a few diagnostic tests to find out. Should you be in possession of an immense amount of magical power, (I shall take on your training (I expect to reap benefits eventually...). If not, well... don't worry about that now.
- Hecate
Dear Darth Vader,
My parents send me to my room when I get cranky, even though I'm fourteen. Is it bad that I actually appreciate this because I'm actually overworked and over tired?
- Stressed Teen
Dear Stressed Teen,
Just use the force! Stick out your hand and make your parents pay! Unless you really like them, then you can just kick them in the knee. If you are overworked, then find a new job, an easier one. Or if it's school, then screw school and join the dark side.
- Darth Vader
Dear Darth Vader,
People generally irritate me. What can I do about this?
- Awesome
Dear Awesome,
Ignite your light saber and swoosh, problem solved.
- Darth Vader
Dear Lord Voldemort,
I'm worried sweat pants make me look less attractive, but I love wearing them. What should I do?
- Sweats Forever!
Dear Sweats Forever,
What are these 'sweaty pants'? I only wear dark robes. But if they are black, wear them.
- Lord Voldemort
Dear Zuggtmay the Fungal Empress,
I wish I were brave. How do I get to be braver?
- Scared as a mouse.
Dear SAAM,
Another failing of independent will is cowardice. When you join the hive-mind of the Fungal Hierarchy, forever directed by yours truly, you will have no choices to make. No emotion, no sadness, or fear. You will never have to flee when you have the eternal support of my thousands of branches. Simply submit to my control, let the spoors fill your mind and take command, and you will never feel fear again.
- Zuggtmay the Fungal Empress
Dear Darth Vader,
I'm worried about becoming extinct. I mean, it could happen, right?
- T-Rex
Dear T-Rex,
KSH KSH Yes. Well, since you don't use the force, you have no choices. I mean, I live in space and you are already extinct (because mail service sucks and I may have helped it slow down - but that's another story). So T-Rex, enjoy your last days on Earth. Happy Hunting!
- Darth Vader
Dear Kingpin,
I tried to kill a spider but I missed it and now it's hiding somewhere in my room. I'm scared to go to sleep. What should I do?
- Arachnophobe
Dear Arachnophobe
Your situation reminds me of my early days battling Spiderman. After I first tried to kill him, he ran away. I hired some men to find him and do the dirty work for me, since I don't want my stylish white suit to get dirty. Anyway, he ended up killing all my men. He didn't mean to, but superheros suck and do everything wrong. I didn't want to do it myself - again, the stylish white suit - so I let him go to be miserable about his life and took on another challenge, Daredevil! My point is, don't waste your time with spiders, just make illegal money, smash people's heads in, and buy fifteen white suits. You might think, how does this answer my question? I'm still scared! If you're scared, you're a wimp! Unlike me in my stylish white suit.
-Kingpin
Dear Joker,
I walked through the wardrobe in the spare room and a nice lady who offered me candy. What should I do?
- Sweet Tooth
Dear Sweet Tooth,
Just take them! Go the next day and take some more! Don't eat them yet. Go again the next day and get some more. If you can't get any more, just throw the candy out. If you can - again, and again, and again - that lady isn't human. When you have collected a lot, bring them to me. I'll kill you if you eat any. I will build a candy cannon and invite my friends to have some fun! You can contact your friends to come too. I'll let you know if you can come.
- Joker
Dear Hecate,
I've had this mysterious scar since I was a baby. Does that mean I've defeated the Dark Lord? Should I be learning spells just in case?
- Worried
Dear "Worried" Child,
It sounds like you have the makings of a powerful wizard... Come visit me in my lair, we will run a few diagnostic tests to find out. Should you be in possession of an immense amount of magical power, (I shall take on your training (I expect to reap benefits eventually...). If not, well... don't worry about that now.
- Hecate
Dear Darth Vader,
My parents send me to my room when I get cranky, even though I'm fourteen. Is it bad that I actually appreciate this because I'm actually overworked and over tired?
- Stressed Teen
Dear Stressed Teen,
Just use the force! Stick out your hand and make your parents pay! Unless you really like them, then you can just kick them in the knee. If you are overworked, then find a new job, an easier one. Or if it's school, then screw school and join the dark side.
- Darth Vader
Dear Darth Vader,
People generally irritate me. What can I do about this?
- Awesome
Dear Awesome,
Ignite your light saber and swoosh, problem solved.
- Darth Vader
Dear Lord Voldemort,
I'm worried sweat pants make me look less attractive, but I love wearing them. What should I do?
- Sweats Forever!
Dear Sweats Forever,
What are these 'sweaty pants'? I only wear dark robes. But if they are black, wear them.
- Lord Voldemort
