RIO's JULY and AUGUST E-ZINE
WRITING ALL SUMMER LONG!
The Ever Falling Narwhal by Cameron Maynard
You are sitting on the edge of a building when a lovely glistening narwhal falls from the sky.
“Believe!” it announced. “Believe! Believe!”
Your jaw drops. Your eyes widen. “What the . . .” you gasp.
The narwhal hits the ground and starts falling from the sky again.
Your jaw has dropped so far it almost hops off your head!
“Believe!” it calls, winking at you.
You fall over the package you were carrying and scream “Hey! What is going on?”
“Believe! Believe!” the narwhal calls.
You groan. You know the narwhal has a point, but you are sick of the narwhal repeating itself. “Please stop repeating that,” you ask.
The narwhal falls from the sky again. “Bel . . . what?” the narwhal asks.
“You are sorta annoying, just repeating yourself,” you call.
“Believe!” the narwhal sings.
“Please! Say something other than ‘Believe! Believe!’ it is annoying.”
The narwhal falls past again, “Huh?” the narwhal asks in a perky voice.
“Can we talk?” you say.
“Sure!” the narwhal sings. “A darkness is here, it is eating the city!
"What!" You scream!
“You have to BELIEVE!” the narwhal yells, hitting the ground and blipping out of existence, then falling from the sky above again.
You nod, “Okay,” you say “I’ll believe!”
“Good!” the narwhal says. “Believe! Believe!”
“Ugg,” you groan. “Oh brother!”
“Believe!” it announced. “Believe! Believe!”
Your jaw drops. Your eyes widen. “What the . . .” you gasp.
The narwhal hits the ground and starts falling from the sky again.
Your jaw has dropped so far it almost hops off your head!
“Believe!” it calls, winking at you.
You fall over the package you were carrying and scream “Hey! What is going on?”
“Believe! Believe!” the narwhal calls.
You groan. You know the narwhal has a point, but you are sick of the narwhal repeating itself. “Please stop repeating that,” you ask.
The narwhal falls from the sky again. “Bel . . . what?” the narwhal asks.
“You are sorta annoying, just repeating yourself,” you call.
“Believe!” the narwhal sings.
“Please! Say something other than ‘Believe! Believe!’ it is annoying.”
The narwhal falls past again, “Huh?” the narwhal asks in a perky voice.
“Can we talk?” you say.
“Sure!” the narwhal sings. “A darkness is here, it is eating the city!
"What!" You scream!
“You have to BELIEVE!” the narwhal yells, hitting the ground and blipping out of existence, then falling from the sky above again.
You nod, “Okay,” you say “I’ll believe!”
“Good!” the narwhal says. “Believe! Believe!”
“Ugg,” you groan. “Oh brother!”
RIO's EPIC TRAILER FOR THE MOVIE
GREAT STORY!
RIO PRESENTS - HOW TO WRITE!
HOW TO WRITE MUSICALS
- Start by finding a rhyming dictionary.
- Fight a tenor. They think they’re better than you. Are you going to take that?
- Wonder how on Earth you’re going to make people take your story seriously when your characters literally burst into song every dramatic moment.
- Add some more sick beats and cool songs, but that also advance the plot.
- Have a character die and make a sad song about it.
- Something minor happens and song breaks out with deep and metaphorical meaning. Or not. Whatever.
- White a bunch of really crappy songs that probably rhyme.
- Profit?
HOW TO WRITE HISTORICAL FICTION
- Do your history homework. Get on it man!
- Add an explosive section
- Research the language of the time. Don’t use “Uh, Dude . . .” when writing Victorian England fiction.
- Eat an entire history textbook and absorb its knowledge through diffusion.
- Be a giant nerd.
- At this point, add “cool” historical references/in-jokes. They are going to point out the realness of some of the characters.
- Kill a famous guy.
- End with some long message about the “past” and how we must not let history repeat itself. Make it meaningful to compensate for your terrible jokes.
HOW TO WRITE ACTION ADVENTURE
- Start with an explosion.
- Have something the hero has to rescue or save – DO NOT make it a girl. Girls don’t need to be saved. SERIOUSLY – STOP!
- Is there some mystical object in your pl0t? Add that. It’s really important.
- Decide who’s going to die, and what smooth one-line they’re going to say before doing so.
- The bad guys are getting pretty strong. They start having success.
- Have someone parkour up the side of a sky scraper.
- The hero jumps in and does some sick moves, man.
- And lastly have your main character go against the antagonist which will hopefully finish their adventure.
HOW TO WRITE DRAMA
- Think of some characters. They should be over the top. REALLY over the top.
- Make a secondary character say or do something dramatic.
- Climax. Always. Fake climax at least four times. Make it dramatic people!
- Make sure what you are writing will make the reader go on an emotional roller-coaster.
- Cry in your room and be edgy for a short while.
- Find a reason for a character to cry.
- Tears are important. Crying should happen every scene – preferably against a wall, a tree, or on a fence.
- Make sure you kill one of the love interests on the night of their wedding. Perfect segue to a revenge turn sequel.
HOW TO WRITE MEMES
- Find a peculiar picture on the dark side of the internet.
- Pick a saying that has virtually no meaning – like none. It’s not funny. It can even be a general statement about how you feel.
- Make the meme
- KEK at your funny joke.
- Find one line that is so memorable it will get stuck in your head like a prose ear worm.
- Pepe.
HOW TO WRITE ROMANCE
- Get yourself really invested in two characters and then decide which one’s gonna die.
- Have your characters meet. They fall instantly in love, or completely despise each other but secretly love each other.
- Make smaller kids disgusted.
- A fantasy that seems unattainable is dreamed up in the lover’s head. The thought of it is blushing. It never leaves the mind of the protagonist. EVER.
- Make sure you writing isn’t extremely cheesy.
- Pretend you actually have someone so you can say you have “personal romantic experience.”
- Make it gayer.
- Have the main character get their true love and live happily ever after. YAY!
HOW TO WRITE MILITARY FICTION
- Become the general of a small, war torn, country with a failing government.
- Suffer and hate yourself for deciding to write military fiction.
- Once your character is fighting in the war, add some more supporting characters. They are some allies and some enemies.
- BLOW SOMETHING UP!
- Soldiers running everywhere. The general calls various orders over the radio and the soldiers worry.
- Making a bunch of people die. Make your character not have plot armor.
- Play Call of Duty and then cry because you realize you’re playing Call of Duty.
HOW TO WRITE HORROR
- Think of something that will scare your reader to death by remembering your worst nightmare.
- Scream really loudly while writing, because it triggered your fear of spooks.
- Explode a main character’s guts.
- Split up. You ALWAYS have to split up. It makes you easier to catch.
- Have them check out the scary sound alone. Do not call 911.
- Figure out what gratuitous religious symbolism you’re putting in.
- Spooky scary skeletons.
- The bad guy laughs maniacally.
HOW TO WRITE AN ACADEMIC PAPER
- Choose a topic to write about – something ideological, something political, something academic.
- Read up on the subject you are writing about so you can write something really educational.
- Homework, homework, homework, homework, homework, homework, homework.
- Google MLA in text citations AGAIN!
- Word count is key, the more the better. Use twenty words when one world would do.
- Become John Williamson.
- Your conclusion, wrap everything up. Add your citations.
- DONE!
PEN AND PANEL SUGGESTS
Comic:
In Real Life (IRL)
Hack & Slash
Show:
Steven Universe
Anime:
Sakamoko Desu Ga?
Books:
Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell
Carry On by Rainbow Rowell
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
Rune Marks by Joanne Harris
In Real Life (IRL)
Hack & Slash
Show:
Steven Universe
Anime:
Sakamoko Desu Ga?
Books:
Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell
Carry On by Rainbow Rowell
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
Rune Marks by Joanne Harris
A HOLD UP by Emily Firmston
"This is a hold up or whatever." I stride into the first room I see in the weird complex building. Seven people turn their heads towards me. Most with the eyes widening in shock. A kid with a television for a head turns back to the wall it was staring at, but most of them still have their gaze locked on me. I kinda feel bad, but I need more profit than terraforming material, and slavery is a very lucrative business.