REALITY IS OPTIONAL
FALL E-ZINE
A TIME OF FALLING LEAVES AND FLOCKING BIRDS
Girls Mech Right Club by Daniel Chen (T-Rex Sensei)
cChapter 1:
Meredith is a student at St. Annabella's School for Young Women and one day she accidentally breaks one of the mech clubs' steam mechs. So, as punishment, she is forced to pay off her debut by winning mech battles with other schools to help the club secure more funding. She also has a dark family secret relating to the creation of the mechs.
Chapter 2:
"I think I'm falling," is what Meredith thought when she was knocked out in her practice match with her fellow club members. After getting knocked over, she willed herself to get back up again, but is too weak to fight back. To control her mech, she must get really buff. So, she decided to go on a workout routine, but needed to conceal it from her parents because they disapprove of mech fighting.
Chapter 3:
We find out that Meredith's family created the first mech with the soul of one of her brothers. That's why her mother disapproves of mech fights. A local tournament is coming to St. Annabelle's and the club must face 4v4 against another school. So, the club trains as a team, but Meredith has a problem with the team hot-head, Gereldine.
Chapter 4:
BOING! The team practice teamplay by playing football (European) against the actual football club.
Chapter 5:
The match is actually a front for an illegal campaign for a series of super soldiers for the British government by mind-controlling with a giant tuba.
Chapter 6:
Both mech clubs try to break out of the military base they are held in, lead by Meredith. But, they fail and are subjected to permanent bio-augmentations to make it easier to mind-control them.
Chapter 7:
Due to the failure of the military experiment, high command is told to terminate the mech program and to kill everybody involved, giving the girls one day to break out.
Chapter 8:
Meredith rips out her steampunk cybernetic monode and hijacks on of the high-speed mech to run it into the computer command center to break the mind-control. She lives, but it heavily injured and may never be able to pilot again.
Chapter 9:
Mech fighting is banned across the UK. But, people make mech robots illegally to fight in underground rings.
THE END.
Reviews:
"One of the greatest fantasy novels I've ever heard." -J.B. Buttersworth
"Five Stars. Based on a true story, and all of the details are weirdly accurate. Good book, though."-F.B.I.
"I feel like commiting a crime because of this. Congrats." -Unknown
"Five Stars. I felt to intrigued reading this book!" -Underdown Times
"This will go viral in a few seconds." -Ur mom
"Reminds me of cake." -Waffles
Meredith is a student at St. Annabella's School for Young Women and one day she accidentally breaks one of the mech clubs' steam mechs. So, as punishment, she is forced to pay off her debut by winning mech battles with other schools to help the club secure more funding. She also has a dark family secret relating to the creation of the mechs.
Chapter 2:
"I think I'm falling," is what Meredith thought when she was knocked out in her practice match with her fellow club members. After getting knocked over, she willed herself to get back up again, but is too weak to fight back. To control her mech, she must get really buff. So, she decided to go on a workout routine, but needed to conceal it from her parents because they disapprove of mech fighting.
Chapter 3:
We find out that Meredith's family created the first mech with the soul of one of her brothers. That's why her mother disapproves of mech fights. A local tournament is coming to St. Annabelle's and the club must face 4v4 against another school. So, the club trains as a team, but Meredith has a problem with the team hot-head, Gereldine.
Chapter 4:
BOING! The team practice teamplay by playing football (European) against the actual football club.
Chapter 5:
The match is actually a front for an illegal campaign for a series of super soldiers for the British government by mind-controlling with a giant tuba.
Chapter 6:
Both mech clubs try to break out of the military base they are held in, lead by Meredith. But, they fail and are subjected to permanent bio-augmentations to make it easier to mind-control them.
Chapter 7:
Due to the failure of the military experiment, high command is told to terminate the mech program and to kill everybody involved, giving the girls one day to break out.
Chapter 8:
Meredith rips out her steampunk cybernetic monode and hijacks on of the high-speed mech to run it into the computer command center to break the mind-control. She lives, but it heavily injured and may never be able to pilot again.
Chapter 9:
Mech fighting is banned across the UK. But, people make mech robots illegally to fight in underground rings.
THE END.
Reviews:
"One of the greatest fantasy novels I've ever heard." -J.B. Buttersworth
"Five Stars. Based on a true story, and all of the details are weirdly accurate. Good book, though."-F.B.I.
"I feel like commiting a crime because of this. Congrats." -Unknown
"Five Stars. I felt to intrigued reading this book!" -Underdown Times
"This will go viral in a few seconds." -Ur mom
"Reminds me of cake." -Waffles
Bounty Hunting for Bounty and Money: Sus by Ayden Eyamie
The full moon sells chocolate chip cookies- cookies.com
Go to the website to publish your own movie!- John Cena
This book is for my pet Gorilla, Tiny. I will always think of you. Even if you don't exist. -Ur mom
Chapter 1:
It was Bounty Bob's Birthday and Bob couldn't find anything in the fridge! Bob looked in the pantry and there was nothing in there. Bob really likes to eat. He's starving. So, he starts to eat whatever he can find. He ate the tv remote, the chair leg, and his pillow.
Chapter 2:
"So you've finally found me."
Bob looks around. "Who said that?" Bob asks.
"Me."
Bob still can't see the person, so he runs away, into the forest. He sees an apple on a tree.
"Hallelujah!!!!!" Bob yells. He eats the apple.
Chapter 3:
Bob wipes off spit from his mouth. But then, Bob's moustache comes off. Thankfully, no one's looking. He starts walking. He finds a dead Rhino.
"I did that," someone says.
Bob turns around. It's a girl.
Chapter 4:
Oof! Bob got punched by the girl. The girl ran away. Bob got up. He had to chase after her. He started to run.
Chapter 5:
All of a sudden, Bob trips and falls into a hot tub full of Pringles. He gets out and sees a shake with arms and legs.
Chapter 6:
Bob tries to fix everything by riding a horse. But the horse flies and Bob falls out of the sky.
Chapter 7:
Bob is sad. He will never be able to get that girl. He doesn't even know where HE is, let alone she.
Chapter 8:
Then, Bob sees the girl. Bib dives very heroically and grabs the wallet out of her pocket. He had done it. He had completed the quest.
Chapter 9:
All of a sudden, Bob wakes up. It was all a dream. Bob went to the fridge and got some cheese. He ate it.
THE END.
Reviews:
"This book really grew on me. Five stars." -Gardener's Collective.
"Five Stars. Can't get enough of this!" -Underdown Times
"I can't read. 4/5." -Free Worms of Australia
"1/10. Too many alive people." -Death
"No tuba? Disappointed." -Unknown
"Five Stars. The cover belongs in a museum." -Treasure Hunters Inc.
Go to the website to publish your own movie!- John Cena
This book is for my pet Gorilla, Tiny. I will always think of you. Even if you don't exist. -Ur mom
Chapter 1:
It was Bounty Bob's Birthday and Bob couldn't find anything in the fridge! Bob looked in the pantry and there was nothing in there. Bob really likes to eat. He's starving. So, he starts to eat whatever he can find. He ate the tv remote, the chair leg, and his pillow.
Chapter 2:
"So you've finally found me."
Bob looks around. "Who said that?" Bob asks.
"Me."
Bob still can't see the person, so he runs away, into the forest. He sees an apple on a tree.
"Hallelujah!!!!!" Bob yells. He eats the apple.
Chapter 3:
Bob wipes off spit from his mouth. But then, Bob's moustache comes off. Thankfully, no one's looking. He starts walking. He finds a dead Rhino.
"I did that," someone says.
Bob turns around. It's a girl.
Chapter 4:
Oof! Bob got punched by the girl. The girl ran away. Bob got up. He had to chase after her. He started to run.
Chapter 5:
All of a sudden, Bob trips and falls into a hot tub full of Pringles. He gets out and sees a shake with arms and legs.
Chapter 6:
Bob tries to fix everything by riding a horse. But the horse flies and Bob falls out of the sky.
Chapter 7:
Bob is sad. He will never be able to get that girl. He doesn't even know where HE is, let alone she.
Chapter 8:
Then, Bob sees the girl. Bib dives very heroically and grabs the wallet out of her pocket. He had done it. He had completed the quest.
Chapter 9:
All of a sudden, Bob wakes up. It was all a dream. Bob went to the fridge and got some cheese. He ate it.
THE END.
Reviews:
"This book really grew on me. Five stars." -Gardener's Collective.
"Five Stars. Can't get enough of this!" -Underdown Times
"I can't read. 4/5." -Free Worms of Australia
"1/10. Too many alive people." -Death
"No tuba? Disappointed." -Unknown
"Five Stars. The cover belongs in a museum." -Treasure Hunters Inc.
Sport Rebel Girl: A Quest for Justice by Sydney Ball
Chapter 1:
Bang! Barry knocked his fist into my drink.
"Whoa there," I said, backing away.
"Gimme my money back," he snarled, beard dancing.
"I won it." I pointed to the poker cards lying on the table of the bar.
"Not my fault the Mets lost!" he said. "For this, I'm putting you on the task force."
"No!" I shrieked
Chapter 2:
"I have dessert!"
"Shut up, Larry," said Barry. "We didn't call you over."
"I'm doing what's called conflict management." Larry grinned.
I giggled. Barry glared at me.
"Shut up," he said.
I shut up.
Chapter 3:
"You're the one who can't take a joke," said Larry.
"Michael's the one who used to farm cats," snarled Barry.
"How dare you tell my secret!" I screamed. "I will eat your food now."
I did, and it was tasty.
Chapter 4:
OOF! Barry punched me in the stomach. I stumbled backwards into Jerry.
"You stupid kid!" he screamed, punching me. I blacked out. :(
Chapter 5:
When I came to, I was stuffed in to a tuba, with only my feet sticking out. There were also mice stuck in the tuba. I named one Jeremy.
Chapter 6:
I attempted to wiggle out, but ended up bumping Jeremy, who went rabid and plucked my eyebrows. Outside, Jerry and Barry discussed my enrollment in the task force.
Chapter 7:
My face swelled with not only rabies, but the sadness that Barry and Jerry would send me away. Jeremy apologized, still foaming at the mouth. CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! Barry welcomed the task force sergeant.
Chapter 8:
"I'm not taking a walking tuba into my task force! We are trying to take over the world, not play music!" screamed the leader.
Jeremy grinned in relief.
Chapter 9:
And so Jeremy and I lived in the tuba happily-ever-after. Barry and Jerry continued to argue.
THE END.
Reviews:
"Fantastic. It keeps its secrets hidden until the very end." -Luciker, Morning Star
"Three Stars. Not enough cheese." -Gregy
"Economic and unintelligable. 10/10." -Daniel from the Small Stick Society
"Serious lack of comfort bucket." -Unknown
"Five stars. Love the storyline." -Underdown Times
"It was really good and I really liked it." -Life
Bang! Barry knocked his fist into my drink.
"Whoa there," I said, backing away.
"Gimme my money back," he snarled, beard dancing.
"I won it." I pointed to the poker cards lying on the table of the bar.
"Not my fault the Mets lost!" he said. "For this, I'm putting you on the task force."
"No!" I shrieked
Chapter 2:
"I have dessert!"
"Shut up, Larry," said Barry. "We didn't call you over."
"I'm doing what's called conflict management." Larry grinned.
I giggled. Barry glared at me.
"Shut up," he said.
I shut up.
Chapter 3:
"You're the one who can't take a joke," said Larry.
"Michael's the one who used to farm cats," snarled Barry.
"How dare you tell my secret!" I screamed. "I will eat your food now."
I did, and it was tasty.
Chapter 4:
OOF! Barry punched me in the stomach. I stumbled backwards into Jerry.
"You stupid kid!" he screamed, punching me. I blacked out. :(
Chapter 5:
When I came to, I was stuffed in to a tuba, with only my feet sticking out. There were also mice stuck in the tuba. I named one Jeremy.
Chapter 6:
I attempted to wiggle out, but ended up bumping Jeremy, who went rabid and plucked my eyebrows. Outside, Jerry and Barry discussed my enrollment in the task force.
Chapter 7:
My face swelled with not only rabies, but the sadness that Barry and Jerry would send me away. Jeremy apologized, still foaming at the mouth. CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP! Barry welcomed the task force sergeant.
Chapter 8:
"I'm not taking a walking tuba into my task force! We are trying to take over the world, not play music!" screamed the leader.
Jeremy grinned in relief.
Chapter 9:
And so Jeremy and I lived in the tuba happily-ever-after. Barry and Jerry continued to argue.
THE END.
Reviews:
"Fantastic. It keeps its secrets hidden until the very end." -Luciker, Morning Star
"Three Stars. Not enough cheese." -Gregy
"Economic and unintelligable. 10/10." -Daniel from the Small Stick Society
"Serious lack of comfort bucket." -Unknown
"Five stars. Love the storyline." -Underdown Times
"It was really good and I really liked it." -Life
The Shenanigans of the AWCS Youth Adventure Camp, Week Two
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Drawing by Stephanie Jones
Drawing by Tina
Doctor Jack and the Giant: A Playscript by Emma Yan, Kaslyn Chan, Juniper, and Anne Hodgenson (Sound Scape by Sydney Ball)
Key:
Something in blue is a sound cue
Characters:
-Jack: A mad-scientist providing fake remedies. He's only out for himself.
-Old Woman: A customer of Jack's.
-Lady Giant: A kind-hearted giant who lives in the sky.
SCENE 1
Jack is in his laboratory, it's a cow-poo and dung beetle situation. It's the shed behind his house. Rain-stick to show pouring of beakers.
(knock at the door, an old woman limps through the door) Frog knocker to show old woman's knocks.
OLD WOMAN: Is this Jack's Pharmacy?
JACK: Indeed, it is. What can I get you?
OLD WOMAN: Ooooooh... I need something to cue the aches in my back.
JACK: Anything over there. (gestures to a shelf)
OLD WOMAN: Oh, what about this glowing purple one? Creepy music.
JACK: (panicked) Oh, uh, maybe this green one instead?
OLD WOMAN: But you said anything on the shelf?!
JACK: Yes, yes, they're all wonderful. Don't worry. 100 gold coins please.
OLD WOMAN: 100 gold coins? That's ridiculous!
JACK: 99 gold coins, then. With tax, that's 105 gold coins.
OLD WOMAN: Ok. On Visa please.
(Old Woman pays and exits shop, walking to the corner of the stage)
JACK: Was that the one with those beans? That could be a bit risky... Oh well.
Creepy music.
OLD WOMAN: What are these beans floating around in here? He must've split some of his lunch. (chucks beans and exits)
(exit Jack)
SCENE 2
The next morning, in Jack's house.
(enter Jack)
JACK: Oh, what a lovely morning. Is that the beanstalk from those beans I sold her? Better go see if there are any free beans left!
(Jack walks into garden)
JACK: Oh! I think I see a bean at the top!
(somehow, the audience knows Jack is climbing the beanstalk)
SCENE 3
A female giant is playing Roblox on her iPad in her house. Happy music.
Rustling (maracas).
LADY GIANT: Oh! Who's that? I hear some rustling down below!
(Jack finishes climbing beanstalk, outside)
JACK: Ooh, good thing I took those physics classes. (flexes muscles)
(Lady giant opens the door and sees Jack) Turning of door knob (tambourine) and turning of door (drums).
LADY GIANT: Oh my! Oh, look at the little doctor, so sophisticated!
JACK: Wow! Those vegetables would be good for pain relief. (goes to take veggies and does an evil laugh)
LADY GIANT: Hey! Please don't take my vegetables! If you want them, please ask!
JACK: (laughs evilly) Ha! You can't catch me!
(Jack runs off, Lady Giant stands in shock and gasps)
TO BE CONTINUED
Something in blue is a sound cue
Characters:
-Jack: A mad-scientist providing fake remedies. He's only out for himself.
-Old Woman: A customer of Jack's.
-Lady Giant: A kind-hearted giant who lives in the sky.
SCENE 1
Jack is in his laboratory, it's a cow-poo and dung beetle situation. It's the shed behind his house. Rain-stick to show pouring of beakers.
(knock at the door, an old woman limps through the door) Frog knocker to show old woman's knocks.
OLD WOMAN: Is this Jack's Pharmacy?
JACK: Indeed, it is. What can I get you?
OLD WOMAN: Ooooooh... I need something to cue the aches in my back.
JACK: Anything over there. (gestures to a shelf)
OLD WOMAN: Oh, what about this glowing purple one? Creepy music.
JACK: (panicked) Oh, uh, maybe this green one instead?
OLD WOMAN: But you said anything on the shelf?!
JACK: Yes, yes, they're all wonderful. Don't worry. 100 gold coins please.
OLD WOMAN: 100 gold coins? That's ridiculous!
JACK: 99 gold coins, then. With tax, that's 105 gold coins.
OLD WOMAN: Ok. On Visa please.
(Old Woman pays and exits shop, walking to the corner of the stage)
JACK: Was that the one with those beans? That could be a bit risky... Oh well.
Creepy music.
OLD WOMAN: What are these beans floating around in here? He must've split some of his lunch. (chucks beans and exits)
(exit Jack)
SCENE 2
The next morning, in Jack's house.
(enter Jack)
JACK: Oh, what a lovely morning. Is that the beanstalk from those beans I sold her? Better go see if there are any free beans left!
(Jack walks into garden)
JACK: Oh! I think I see a bean at the top!
(somehow, the audience knows Jack is climbing the beanstalk)
SCENE 3
A female giant is playing Roblox on her iPad in her house. Happy music.
Rustling (maracas).
LADY GIANT: Oh! Who's that? I hear some rustling down below!
(Jack finishes climbing beanstalk, outside)
JACK: Ooh, good thing I took those physics classes. (flexes muscles)
(Lady giant opens the door and sees Jack) Turning of door knob (tambourine) and turning of door (drums).
LADY GIANT: Oh my! Oh, look at the little doctor, so sophisticated!
JACK: Wow! Those vegetables would be good for pain relief. (goes to take veggies and does an evil laugh)
LADY GIANT: Hey! Please don't take my vegetables! If you want them, please ask!
JACK: (laughs evilly) Ha! You can't catch me!
(Jack runs off, Lady Giant stands in shock and gasps)
TO BE CONTINUED
What I Did This Summer by the RIO Writing Club
I went skydiving with sharks using balloon animal parachutes. I decided to puncture the parachute. I fell, waiting to smash into the ground, but then, a mysterious man crashed into me. His wings were so pointy, it felt like I was getting poked with a rock! The rock moved.
I went to Compton to meet Dr. Dre. He was pretty cool and had a weird obsession with aliens. I also noticed that he was wearing a shirt with a very strange alien on it. He says that he was going to make an album and that his album cover was the alien.
I went on a plane, flying to Olympus. Once I landed, there were monsters and they tried to eat me. I can’t believe how sharp their teeth were! I decided to confront them about their teeth and asked if they’d ever been to the dentist before.
Humpty Dumpty Court House Scene by Kaslyn Chan
Setting:
The Judge, Humpty Dumpty, Mumpty Dumpty, Lumpty Dumpty, King, and one of the King’s men are sitting in a cold court. Judge stands in the middle, the Dumpty's on one side and the King and Lawrence on the other.
Character/Cast List:
Humpty Dumpty: A rather foolish boy.
Judge: A soft man who pretends to be tough.
King: A grand man who thinks of himself as the ruler of the world. If possible, a nice American accent would be cool.
Mumpty Dumpty: Humpty Dumpty’s mother, very gentle, but upset in the play. VERY upset.
Lumpty Dumpty: A man who is very concerned about the well being of his family. Humpty’s father. If Lumpty had a job, he would probably be a Lawyer, if that makes any sense. He’s the thinker, while his wife, Mumpty, is the talker.
Lawrence: The King’s man. Very loyal to his king. If possible, make funny faces at the Dumptys every now and then.
The Play:
JUDGE: We are here today to discuss the events of Thursday May 13th, the incident famously known as the Humpty Dumpty Incident. The document says, “At around 7 pm on May 13th, Humpty Dumpty fell
off a wall in the Hillside castle grounds. All the King’s Horses and all the King’s Men were called to the scene, but they failed to complete
the task of putting Humpty Dumpty together again, resulting in an expensive trip to the hospital. Humpty Dumpty’s parents, Lumpty Dumpty and Mumpty Dumpty, are suing the King’s Horses and Men.
MUMPTY DUMPTY: (in a rather angry voice) Indeed we are!
JUDGE: Quiet, Mumpty Dumpty. Ahem, If the Dumptys win this case, the King and his men will be covering the expenses from the trip to the hospital. Now let’s do our hearing. Let’s hear from you first, King.
LUMPTY DUMPTY: Unfairness at its best!
KING: (clears throat in a grand way): On May 13th, the palace was called to send its Horses and Men to the Famous Wall. The call stated that Humpty Dumpty fell off a wall in the palace grounds, and therefore we had to take care of him. Quite a mess, I have to say.
JUDGE: Yes, go on.
KING: (clears throat again) When the men and horses arrived, they tried their best, but realized putting Humpty together again just wasn’t realistic. I do not blame my men and horses for not being able to
cure Humpty. He was foolish to be up there.
HUMPTY DUMPTY: There was an epic wind from your private plane, Sir! I can’t help but fall off. I know it's all environmental, but you cannot say this isn’t your fault. Plus, I was working for you! I was trying to spot the enemy!
JUDGE: Quiet, Humpty Dumpty. Why don’t we hear from a King’s man? Lawrence, let’s hear from you.
LAWRENCE: I was called on, indeed, but Humpty was a mess. Just because it was near the castle, it doesn’t mean we can cure it!! The hospital was certainly the way to go.
MUMPTY DUMPTY: Nonsense! Anyone the King recruits should be the finest, most amazing person. Therefore, smart, too! There is no reason why none of you smartypants weren’t able to cure Humpty. That’s why you should pay for the bill! Lumpty and I shouldn’t be using our hard earned money to pay for all your faults!!!
KING: It is not my fault that your idiot of a son-
MUMPTY DUMPTY: My son is not an idiot! He would not just fall off! I have no doubt
one of your stupid private jets or-
KING: Stupid? Stupid? STUPID??? Do I look stupid to you? I am your king! I am your ruler! You shall not step all over me! Never!
MUMPTY DUMPTY: Well, does my son look like an idiot to you?
KING: Indeed he does!
LUMPTY DUMPTY: Oh shut your mouth for once!
JUDGE: (annoyed): QUIET!!!!!
Everyone falls silent, stunned by the Judge’s sudden burst.
JUDGE: Now, does the King’s Man Lawrence have anything else to say?
LAWRENCE: No, my judge.
JUDGE: Humpty?
HUMPTY DUMPTY: I was just climbing up the wall to search for the enemy, and then the wind from your carriage and plane blew me off! It’s quite a high
wall. And then the King’s Men came on horses, but they couldn’t cure me. They called me a cheat and a lie! They simply laughed and-
KING: Nonsense! My Men would never do that. We recruit only the finest!
JUDGE: Humpty, please continue.
HUMPTY: It’s just SO SO SO SO unfair! They didn’t even try!
KING: (clears throat)
JUDGE: And, Lumpty and Mumpty Dumpty?
MUMPTY DUMPTY: My family works hard for the King. In fact, my son was out there on a mission for the King. We went out to look for Dumpty, as we hadn’t seen him for a while. When we arrived, what did we see? Our poor little Dumpty on the ground, a sobbing mess. When we looked for help, we saw the King’s men riding on their posh little horses RIDING AWAY FROM MY SON while he was a mess! So of course our only option was to call the frickin’ hospital- otherwise Humpty could have been dead! (Mumpty lets out a sob) And now you’re telling me you won’t give me any money back? Just because you people think you’re too posh to heal my son? What is WRONG with you?
LUMPTY DUMPTY: Yes, what is wrong?
KING: Ah yes, nothing.
JUDGE: Ah, and Lumpty?
LUMPTY DUMPTY: Like my wife said, when we got there, the Men and Horses were riding away. How cruel! They just left our Humpty Dumpty to die! We shouldn’t be paying a thousand dollars to the hospital. The Men, whose jobs are to help civilians, just went away! I’m not paying hundreds of dollars that will probably end up in the king’s private plane fund anyway. Yet again, I shall not pay for someone else’s poshy posh stupid ideas!
JUDGE: Okay. Does anyone at court have anything else to add?
When there is no reply, the Judge stands up.
JUDGE: Okay, then, case closed. The king will have to pay a thousand dollars to the Dumpty family, in exchange for Mr. Lumpty Dumpty to become a palace doctor, as will every single descendant of his- including Humpty- to help save more civilians like our Humpty Dumpty. As palace doctor, Lumpty will cure those who are in the grounds; those who try to climb the high palace walls, especially those who get injured like Humpty.
KING: Splendid! Another fine worker.
MUMPTY DUMPTY: Yes!
JUDGE: And before we dismiss the case, Humpty Dumpty?
HUMPTY DUMPTY: Yes, my judge?
JUDGE: No more climbing up on walls. Case Dismissed.
And with that, everyone at court starts saying the Humpty Dumpty rhyme.
Everyone at Court: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,
Couldn’t put Humpty back together again!
The End
The Judge, Humpty Dumpty, Mumpty Dumpty, Lumpty Dumpty, King, and one of the King’s men are sitting in a cold court. Judge stands in the middle, the Dumpty's on one side and the King and Lawrence on the other.
Character/Cast List:
Humpty Dumpty: A rather foolish boy.
Judge: A soft man who pretends to be tough.
King: A grand man who thinks of himself as the ruler of the world. If possible, a nice American accent would be cool.
Mumpty Dumpty: Humpty Dumpty’s mother, very gentle, but upset in the play. VERY upset.
Lumpty Dumpty: A man who is very concerned about the well being of his family. Humpty’s father. If Lumpty had a job, he would probably be a Lawyer, if that makes any sense. He’s the thinker, while his wife, Mumpty, is the talker.
Lawrence: The King’s man. Very loyal to his king. If possible, make funny faces at the Dumptys every now and then.
The Play:
JUDGE: We are here today to discuss the events of Thursday May 13th, the incident famously known as the Humpty Dumpty Incident. The document says, “At around 7 pm on May 13th, Humpty Dumpty fell
off a wall in the Hillside castle grounds. All the King’s Horses and all the King’s Men were called to the scene, but they failed to complete
the task of putting Humpty Dumpty together again, resulting in an expensive trip to the hospital. Humpty Dumpty’s parents, Lumpty Dumpty and Mumpty Dumpty, are suing the King’s Horses and Men.
MUMPTY DUMPTY: (in a rather angry voice) Indeed we are!
JUDGE: Quiet, Mumpty Dumpty. Ahem, If the Dumptys win this case, the King and his men will be covering the expenses from the trip to the hospital. Now let’s do our hearing. Let’s hear from you first, King.
LUMPTY DUMPTY: Unfairness at its best!
KING: (clears throat in a grand way): On May 13th, the palace was called to send its Horses and Men to the Famous Wall. The call stated that Humpty Dumpty fell off a wall in the palace grounds, and therefore we had to take care of him. Quite a mess, I have to say.
JUDGE: Yes, go on.
KING: (clears throat again) When the men and horses arrived, they tried their best, but realized putting Humpty together again just wasn’t realistic. I do not blame my men and horses for not being able to
cure Humpty. He was foolish to be up there.
HUMPTY DUMPTY: There was an epic wind from your private plane, Sir! I can’t help but fall off. I know it's all environmental, but you cannot say this isn’t your fault. Plus, I was working for you! I was trying to spot the enemy!
JUDGE: Quiet, Humpty Dumpty. Why don’t we hear from a King’s man? Lawrence, let’s hear from you.
LAWRENCE: I was called on, indeed, but Humpty was a mess. Just because it was near the castle, it doesn’t mean we can cure it!! The hospital was certainly the way to go.
MUMPTY DUMPTY: Nonsense! Anyone the King recruits should be the finest, most amazing person. Therefore, smart, too! There is no reason why none of you smartypants weren’t able to cure Humpty. That’s why you should pay for the bill! Lumpty and I shouldn’t be using our hard earned money to pay for all your faults!!!
KING: It is not my fault that your idiot of a son-
MUMPTY DUMPTY: My son is not an idiot! He would not just fall off! I have no doubt
one of your stupid private jets or-
KING: Stupid? Stupid? STUPID??? Do I look stupid to you? I am your king! I am your ruler! You shall not step all over me! Never!
MUMPTY DUMPTY: Well, does my son look like an idiot to you?
KING: Indeed he does!
LUMPTY DUMPTY: Oh shut your mouth for once!
JUDGE: (annoyed): QUIET!!!!!
Everyone falls silent, stunned by the Judge’s sudden burst.
JUDGE: Now, does the King’s Man Lawrence have anything else to say?
LAWRENCE: No, my judge.
JUDGE: Humpty?
HUMPTY DUMPTY: I was just climbing up the wall to search for the enemy, and then the wind from your carriage and plane blew me off! It’s quite a high
wall. And then the King’s Men came on horses, but they couldn’t cure me. They called me a cheat and a lie! They simply laughed and-
KING: Nonsense! My Men would never do that. We recruit only the finest!
JUDGE: Humpty, please continue.
HUMPTY: It’s just SO SO SO SO unfair! They didn’t even try!
KING: (clears throat)
JUDGE: And, Lumpty and Mumpty Dumpty?
MUMPTY DUMPTY: My family works hard for the King. In fact, my son was out there on a mission for the King. We went out to look for Dumpty, as we hadn’t seen him for a while. When we arrived, what did we see? Our poor little Dumpty on the ground, a sobbing mess. When we looked for help, we saw the King’s men riding on their posh little horses RIDING AWAY FROM MY SON while he was a mess! So of course our only option was to call the frickin’ hospital- otherwise Humpty could have been dead! (Mumpty lets out a sob) And now you’re telling me you won’t give me any money back? Just because you people think you’re too posh to heal my son? What is WRONG with you?
LUMPTY DUMPTY: Yes, what is wrong?
KING: Ah yes, nothing.
JUDGE: Ah, and Lumpty?
LUMPTY DUMPTY: Like my wife said, when we got there, the Men and Horses were riding away. How cruel! They just left our Humpty Dumpty to die! We shouldn’t be paying a thousand dollars to the hospital. The Men, whose jobs are to help civilians, just went away! I’m not paying hundreds of dollars that will probably end up in the king’s private plane fund anyway. Yet again, I shall not pay for someone else’s poshy posh stupid ideas!
JUDGE: Okay. Does anyone at court have anything else to add?
When there is no reply, the Judge stands up.
JUDGE: Okay, then, case closed. The king will have to pay a thousand dollars to the Dumpty family, in exchange for Mr. Lumpty Dumpty to become a palace doctor, as will every single descendant of his- including Humpty- to help save more civilians like our Humpty Dumpty. As palace doctor, Lumpty will cure those who are in the grounds; those who try to climb the high palace walls, especially those who get injured like Humpty.
KING: Splendid! Another fine worker.
MUMPTY DUMPTY: Yes!
JUDGE: And before we dismiss the case, Humpty Dumpty?
HUMPTY DUMPTY: Yes, my judge?
JUDGE: No more climbing up on walls. Case Dismissed.
And with that, everyone at court starts saying the Humpty Dumpty rhyme.
Everyone at Court: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,
Couldn’t put Humpty back together again!
The End